Shake It Up Baby

 

Hope you are having a wonderful time sending the little ones back to school and out of the house, ending your vacations and waiting for the full blue moon and some cooler weather. Ready to shake it up to dig into the sweaters and turn up the heat?

Seems the Tummy Temple is doing the same. Since I attend service every day, I see the changes.

One day the aisles are full of boxes with no one to empty. Another day there is an army of new faces checking the prices with their handheld devices. Then it seems the evening crew put away the cardboard, but everything still seemed in disarray. The frozen food was scattered and half empty. The orange juice was half full. Plenty of t-paper but now the pharmacy section is being rearranged. The produce is frantic trying to keep enough bananas that are yellow and not green. The ‘prepared’ food is mostly empty or yesterday’s bargain. The dead animal section is empty. I don’t want to test the dairy.

The flower section is expanding closing off an entrance. The basket locks seem to be working for I can find a zip cart, but where are the bumper cars?

Many of the familiar faces are still there but seem to be just as confused as the congregation. Put this shelve over here. Move the bread into the pasta aisle. Move the wine into the baby food.

I’m an old hand at watching this space change. I’ve been through three denominations and even an expansion, so a bit of shifting around is fine with me. I’ll find what I’ve come for and then pay my tithes.

This is management 101. Move things around to make you look busy. Even bring out the Zamboni to clean the spaces as the congregation try to find substance for another day.

This is what makes life an adventure. If you know the peeps and they are compliant in being an employee taking request and directing customer service, then there is no stress. The canned soup is still going to taste the same. The frozen pizza that has been thawed more times than be counted will still burn in the oven.

Tomorrow I will climb on my pony and try to avoid any vehicle crashes to venture into the Tummy Temple for a new experience.

Security @ the Tummy Temple

 

Just another normal day. Wake up at 5AM to start the coffee. Wake up again at 7AM for coffee and a screen full of Trump faces. Send a few birthdays wishes, scan the weather and change my socks for the morning ride. Brush teeth in the cleaner sink and checking for dog walkers or joggers. Not much action except the big yellow excavator in front of the house. Turn off all the fans and lock the back door. Step down the porch which will need to be replaced soon and enjoy a cool morning. Once out on the street, even though it is after 9AM, there are still big black trucks with trailers that haven’t found their destinations. I can wait. Turning onto Franklin Street weaving between the potholes and the signs waring drivers about the quality of the road. Locking up the pony, I notice there is a security car parked out front. It is not police, but a mall service to roam the area and try and maintain order until it gets out-of-hand and the professionals have to be called.

I walk into the automatic sliding door under a security camera and through a scanner (that used to go off when cell phones first came out). I do my usual dodge and go on my usual route under the watchful eyes in the sky. I don’t mind being on television because I’m not doing anything wrong.

Today, there are many more new faces in blue stocking the shelves or scanning products. Are these new hires to empty the cardboard boxes that have been filling the aisles or are they doing inventory? There is a cardboard table set up by the magazine rack with two people staring at a laptop. All this seems somewhat suspicious.

I wheel over to the ‘scan & go’ machines and follow my normal routine of swiping all items in my basket, then waiting for Hillary to swipe her magic barcode and punch in some date from the last century, so I can roll out without the exit scanner going off.

Then I noticed a big guy wearing a ‘security’ shirt standing in the next lane.

The ‘scan & go’ machines have a camera on every shopper at check-out, verifies the number of items in the cart AND have the roaming blue apron overlooking the process.

I’ve personally wondered how much theft happens in this huge space. There are two entrances and NO security (except a scanner) at either. Sometimes the scanner will go off with a warning announcement that a shopper needs to go back because some item hasn’t been scanned. Sometimes the scanner will not go off.

Depending on the crush of the crowd at the sixteen machines, the blue apron patrol will just wave the shopper through the warning signal and turn off the scanner.

When these ‘scan & go’ machines first came out, they had a personal scanner (like a remote control) but that didn’t work out. I’ve heard there is an app on phones that can also work, but my phone isn’t that smart. These robots will give you cash back (some days) and have a new hand-held scanner so you don’t have to pick up heavy items. They don’t have a facial recognition or secret code for those old enough to purchase wine or beer, so an ID check needs to be secured by a blue apron. Luckily, I’m a frequent flyer so they all know me and I look like Santa so I don’t have to dig out my driver’s license.

I’ve seen people in handcuffs being escorted out of the Tummy Temple. I’ve seen people fill a backpack and walk out the door. I’ve seen people trying not to look suspicious (which means they look suspicious) wandering about. I’ve seen security folks searching the aisles and try avoid wherever they are headed.

The new magnetic locks of carts to avoid them walking off seems to be working. At least my new BFF in a baseball cap seems to be busy bring them back to the coral (when not talking). Perhaps there will be uniformed individuals who will pat-down shoppers as they exit to reduce loose eggplants walking out the door? Is that a cucumber or are you just glad to see me?

The shopping for sustenance isn’t easy enough, you can go online and pick what you want and the blue apron staff will search the shelves for your particular taste and deliver to your auto drive through. They are truly trying to make it easier for the shopper, but you can’t keep a business going when the customers are stealing the goods.

Like any other computer, these ‘shop & go’ machines can be hacked. I’ll admit that sometimes the numbers of items in the cart do not match up to what is printed out on the ticket receipt.