You Missed The Kiss?

So after 3 days into the new year, let’s reflect into the last year. What happened of any importance?

Let’s stop before we get too far and take a look at 2007. Did anything happen that was worthy of note..... No, not much.

Move on to the end of the year and Christmas and New Years and all that. But this one was different. This one started with a surprise. A Christmas present no one could have imagined.

Few times do you get a chance to find a lost element of your life. To touch a dream that had disappeared. But this year was different.

And the new year was to be like no other. A simple walk, a simple talk, and yet a remarkable feeling. It was like being a teenager again.

But reality happens. Life is what it is and without open opportunities, dreams can only be dreams.

So she flew back to the south and I was left alone in the cold. Alone, but awake.

And my mind wandered into deep dark places. Places not ventured to regularly. Places not ventured frequently. Places that should be avoided after all these years.

But these thoughts filled my mind.

And a change was happening in my soul. There was more to life that must be experienced.

So I took this spirit that filled me and explored it. What was causing me to be crazier?

My mother had died the year before and the night it happened I walked out into the garden and stared at the stars. The clouds rushed past. Dark shapes drifting quickly by the dark blue sky. I watched for hours and wondered, “Why don’t I feel anything?” She was my mother. I don’t feel anything?

There were years of protection, cuddling, and overbearing, but it did not overcome the last years of drunken fits, screaming, wildness, and crazy behavior. How can a child take care of a crazy mother?

So the thought was “What was I feeling?”

Was there feeling for the family? Was there a family?

And what was I doing here now?

2008 began, What are the goals for the new year?

New glasses? Safe deposit box? 7- flat tires? A new computer? Link to the internet? Join Facebook? Start a blog? Find a girl friend??

Or get so frustrated at Valentine to run away from home. Cut out and check in to a hotel for a weekend of reflection. Maintain sanity and keep aloof.

Dig through the cold of winter and wait till Spring. Send notes, cards, emails, but come to the realization of life, even though friends and family note the change in discussing the beginning of the year.

Travel to town where both parents grew up and summers presented teaching school never taught. Seeing family who have not been seen in 40 years, all for a funeral. And the weird part was hitting on the daughter of the man who was being buried. My cousin who was smart enough to get away from the family early, but the clan kept him close. And seeing Whitey’s sons. Flashback to a chiseled face lad who tempted sun, waves, and life taught me a lot, introduced me to my first love, but did not win over troubles within.

Heat up the summer and continue on the Sunday 10 mile ride, with an occasional break for coffee with the wife of an old friend, or a cool drink at the local pub, or a quick lunch with an old girl friend of a friend of mine. And when that is not enough, sit at an ale house with an old friend and his niece and talk about going to jail and drinking at your parents house. Don’t do shots if you have a pacemaker.

Enjoy some time for creative thoughts. Sit with a writer, a real novel writer and discuss ideas for books on bands, concerts, parties, and Florida. Experiment with new software to record and burn CDs of old and new music. Some interesting results. Had to post them so why not make a YouTube movie.

And if that’s not enough, take a train ride up north to visit an old friend and his wife and dogs and house for a weekend. Sleep on his step daughter’s bed (there’s probably another book in there), cook out, buy alcohol, watch BIG screen TV, pizza, and burn a CD compilation with an amazing music collection surrounded by the Beatles.

All the while, the economy is dropping like a popped balloon, people are disappearing from the workplace. Stock drops, and 401K is cut in half. But the house is paid for.

And luckily the emails keep us all together. Many connections with old and new friends.

Even the t-shirt pool party and playing guitar with an old co-writer, it allowed him to sing and entertain the crowd, to the point of singing along with the Byrds’ front-man.

And the end of the year, I still have a job. I have a key to her heart. I have silver marching parade. I have health, but happiness may be fleeting.

To bring life into perspective, another friend who recently retired is in the hospital with tubes, air, and pumps working on his body, monitoring his life week after week.

So wait for the kiss and hopes that it comes. Close your eyes and dance with me.