Rambling On

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Got a phone call this morning from Mother Earth. She was calling checking up on people who do not have air conditioning in triple digit weather.

Then I realized what I was saying.

She just asked me if I was all right and I started talking. “The electricity is on. I only had a flicker but everything is fine. I’ve got a ceiling fan in the bedroom. I was looking online seeing all the trees down. My trees seem planted so close together that they just hold each other up in the wind. The last hurricane….”

Then suddenly I stated to hear myself.

I was rambling on.

I think that our species most have a mouth to communicate. We can’t just take in air and food but must blow out the words that fill our head. All those experiences and recollections that happened seem to need to be shared.

The others might not want to listen to such trivialities, but we must spout them. We tell things to complete strangers and comment on things we do not know, only to hear our own voice.

Maybe this is insulation of isolation but when we are in association with another, we must tell these strange stories of our lives. Friends, true friends will listen and add the statements to the compilation of stories to build a structure of how they view you in their mind’s eye.

But I’m just rambling on.

Must Acquire for my Collection

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We all surround ourselves with “stuff” that makes us happy. It is how we are trained in consumerism.

Books, music, photos, toys and even necessities give us the comfort called “home”.

Familiar faces of family and friends surround the walls as if they were always present.

And when the time comes that the fundamentals of life are satisfied, we explore for more. We start collecting.

Each collection may have some personal meaning like the place where you met your true love or that special honeymoon at the beach or maybe your college traditions or a special animal or artist style or song. There are hundreds of sites and sounds that can make us happy or remember a time gone by when things were happy.

So we connect with an item or style, which begins to define us. Guests come into our space and we display our collections to impress them.

After many years of pleasing another then cleaning out the house, I realized just how much stuff I had been buying. It amazed me.

Then I started to look around and see everyone does this. Must be a human trait to collect things and store them in a safe place so we can have them at the ready anytime we want to see them.

Really?

Beatle records, lighthouse porcelains, sewing machines, balls of yarn, screwdrivers, old magazines, historical memorabilia, old children’s clothes, awards and accolades, pet toys, shoes that don’t fit, boxes of old school papers, guitars, event tee-shirts, books, ticket stubs, family jewelry, hundreds of photos, and even automobiles; the list goes on and on detailing the amount of “stuff” we keep

Since our collections define our lives, they become birthday presents or Christmas presents or holiday gifts or just special purchases to make someone happy. They accumulate and can overwhelm, as they seem to multiply. Sometimes they lose appreciation but they keep coming.

And the next generation will have to decide if they want to expand their collections or turn your collections into trash.

What is with the Weather?

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Yesterday my little village had a big blow come through and the power outages or downed trees are all the conversation of the day.

It affects us everyday. When we rise we make decisions upon how the weather is going to be. We dress according to the weather. We plan trips and vacations due to the seasons and the weather.

Weather even has a good and bad side.

Being outside for the last three years I’ve had a chance to really understand the weather, at least in my little plot of the world. I don’t study the charts and graphs or watch the every movement of the jet wave that washes over us from the west, but I do see patterns.

It seems in my little burg if it is going to rain, it will wait until 4:00 PM.  If it is raining in the morning as leftovers from the previous night’s rain, it will end by noon. The same is true for snow. It will start the night before then end in the morning. I cannot think of a single day in the past three years that I could not ride due to the weather. There have been one or two really cold and icy days but not many have stopped me.

When the rain comes it seems to follow the river or go north. Most of the bad weather seems to happen south or east of the city. I’m sure there is a reason but that is the pattern. I’m sure when the weather weakens coming over the mountains and that is another saving grace. The rare hurricane coming from the east has to travel a good amount of time become getting here which also slows it down.

I guess like the Indians I observe my surroundings. I watch the clouds to see if they are building or have gray bottoms that means rain. I see which way the wind is blowing by the tops of the trees and the cloud patterns in the sky. I’ve learned to feel the pressure shift in the air and can smell the rain coming. I’ve ridden in rainstorms and snow. I’ve pushed on through the heat and cold adjusting for each. 

And I listen to the critters. Animals can sense weather changes and if you pay attention they will tell you long before it comes.

Yesterday while watching the moving red box coming my way on the television I stepped outside and the yard was quiet. No birds, no chipmunks, no squirrels. They already knew a storm was coming and had retired to their homes. Side note: there are lots of tall strong trees in Puppywoods to provide shelter but I have also made areas around the yard where the critters and go for additional safety.

So since I like storms, I stood on the porch and listened to the thunder while watching the trees dance. There is a special feeling of the splash of rain in your face. The generator in the alley popped and the lights flickered but the woods came through fine.

So whether you are buying ice today or playing pick up sticks, weather will continue to break the monotony of the day.

Asking for Permission or Begging for Forgiveness?

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It is a funny process how “we” make decisions, particularly if “we” are a couple.

Say “we” decide to purchase a new washing machine. Pretty simple decision right? No so much.

If you are like some; you only purchase what you can afford or what if available. Now a washing machine isn’t a car or a home, but it is a fairly big-ticket item.

Some do their research and check out the features, compare prices, ask neighbors and friends, then reconsider. You can check sizes and make diagrams and look at all the different manufactures then start all over again. Temperature ranges, drum size, evaluations are all considered and then start over again.

Sometimes it is better to make a decision on the spur of the moment. Think about that time when you lost your virginity.

That moment may have been your best or worst decision but you made it on the moment. Your mind may have been racing with the years of propaganda upbringing or the religious connotations of right vs. wrong. The most important influential ingredient may have been those rushing hormones or a long awaited opportunity.

So why can’t we make these spur of the moments decisions on other purchases. I bought my house by walking around; taking a few minutes to look, and then asked the realtor if I could afford it. When she said, “Yes.” The deal was done. Signing all the credit papers I wondered what I was getting into but I had made the decision and would face the consequences. It was a pretty expensive spur of the moment decision, but I needed a roof over my head, which was an important incentive, and I knew the neighborhood.

Now I walk into a store and see something that I might “need”. Of course it must be on my to-do list or I wouldn’t be in the store in the first place. So I look at the price and a quick check out.

But now I leave the store and go home and think about it. It is not the money, but I ponder about the “need”.

The major expenses I have made over the past few years have been needed repairs but now I’m comfortable with what I have and don’t “want” anything else. The temptations continue to flow but the rationalization takes over, except when it comes to toys.

Now through the years, we all desire toys. Those items that is not necessary for existences but are fun to purchase and play with as toy soldiers and cowboy hats. As kids we see these items, which have been engrained, in our minds by television and cereal boxes and beg our parents for them, but after working in the field I can look past all those broken promises.

But as a couple each has different wants in toys but only limited amount of funds, so when one sees a temptation, the purchase must be a decision. Do you come home and ask for permission or make the purchase and beg for forgiveness?

The balance is the shifting power within a couple. Some can hold the power of majority of income or use sensual delights to obtain the power.

Looking back over 30 years I can now understand how purchasing “wants” wasn’t the smartest decision but felt, at least at the time, that buying items for the momentary satisfaction was the right thing to do.

Oh well, it is cheaper this way.

What’s wrong?

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It is an invasive question, but it is the major subject we all talk about.

What brought this on? Well, there is this soap opera that comes on the same time as I have lunch. Yes, I know, don’t get on my case. I couldn’t even tell you the names of the characters it just plays in the background. The acting is slow and the personalities are adequate for daytime television but I noticed to continue the bizarre plots, each character seems to be having problems and all the other’s want to know what it is.

Then you start thinking and that brings trouble.

When meeting people and we get by the usual greetings and small talk about family and latest purchases, we start to dig into “what’s wrong”.

Problems with the house or getting the car repaired or trouble with the kids even if you can relate problems at work. We love this stuff.

Yes, we love to complain and everyone else seems to like to listen and add his or her own views on a problem. Why do we do that?

It must be human nature to want to find out about others problems. Maybe it makes us feel better that it is not our problem? Maybe it is sharing bad experiences? Maybe it is offering solutions that might solve a friend’s troubles? Maybe we just need the comfort of others during stressful experiences? Maybe someone will come up with a worst problem and that will make us feel better? Maybe we can just shock others with what is unimaginable because they do not know our reality?

So what’s your problem?

I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today

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Remember when you got your first credit?

I was in college and had a part time job making doodlely-squat when in the mail I got a Visa credit card. Probably had a $100 limit on it. Didn’t ask for it, it just came in the mail. What was I suppose to do?

And now, after dozens of credit cards and years of paying interest and fees I’ve gotten back to what earning/spending was suppose to be. Only buy what you have money to pay for.

There is some phrase about coveting, but then again, I worked enticing you and yours to covet and consume the latest and greatest products and services available whether you had the money to pay for it or not.

Then again the difference between stealing and borrowing is you have to pay back one; with interest.

Now I’m not saying that all credit is bad. Shoot without the government covering my lack of income I would not have been able to sign all those papers assuming I could pay for my first house. 

So we all got carried away with this credit stuff. We started to buy things that we knew we could not pay for. Houses as big as a hotels, televisions the size of a wall in every room, traveling to far off places with luxury lifestyles throwing the plastic around and paying minimum payments.

That seemed fine until our countries started to do the same thing.

What’s in the news?

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News is suppose to be “facts” presented in a precise and understandable method by experienced journalist who have dug into hours of research and pointed questioning of people who are in the know of these subjects.

There is a study, perhaps two or three, out in the places where they study this stuff trying to sway the public thought process. The accumulate numbers and statistics of written and verbal surveys and arrange them in a manner to provide a conclusion.

Of course across the street and around the block another survey presents different numbers due to the different sorting of numbers based on a slant in the question requiring a different answer.

There seems to be a study on everything from “How much sugar in soft drinks is considered dangerous?” to “Will writing with lead pencils make you go blind?” or “Is sleeping in the dark better than sleeping during the day?” to “If a politician takes a mistress should a judge who is a polygamist be allowed to try the case?” or “If you write a book and no one reads it, does it have words?”

And someone pays for it. These studies are free. They require people with clip boards to knock on doors and ask questions, other people on computers to input the data and calculate the findings while others double check the figures and write reports. Offices with tables and chairs and lamps and miles of electronics plus lunch rooms and parking lots are necessary to keep this important research at our fingertips.

How else can we find out our trends we should buy in fashion or what movie to spend out money to watch or which new electronic gizmo we should purchase or… oh what, I see a trend here.

And whatever the institute or foundation or research group who funds these studies probably through government grants because the government needs to have this information to distribute our tax money, then again they might be from religious organizations who want you swayed to believe in this god and not that god or a political party presenting “some” of the facts to a narrow margin group of individuals who will swing the vote.

Whoever does this for whatever reasons, at the end of the day we call it news. Presented to us every night on the video screen by pleasant faces opinionating their “facts” with persuasive speech insinuations and body language.

We listen, observe, and digest the information. We talk to our “friends” on the subjects at hand to get their observations and opinions. If we agree with their statements we are validated, but if they do not agree with our internal belief, we must again ponder the meaning for our reactions.

Dreams

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Those funny and sometimes scary images that come to you in your sleep. Do you have any idea what they mean? Do you know why we forget them so fast?

Me neither. Do I look like a psychotherapist?

After a couple of years of emotional ups and downs I’ve started paying attention to my dreams and this is what I found.

If I sleep all night, usually going to be late and waking in the morning, I don’t remember any dreams. If I sleep for a few hours, then wake up and get up and do something then go back to sleep, I dream.

Most of my dreams are monochromatic but there are a few muted colors that sometimes show up.

 

I dream about old buildings or houses. Have for a long time. Don’t know why. The only old house I can remember that I was ever in as I recall was my grandfathers house in North Carolina when I was about 5 years old. It was an old Victorian with huge furniture and a musty old person’s smell about it. I never went upstairs and the downstairs was dark with the curtains drawn. Maybe that was it? Or maybe all the black and white horror movies I watched as a kid. They all were in castles or old shadowed filled houses.

So we have these old buildings. Sometimes I am outside of these buildings. They are like neighborhoods I’ve seen or ridden by but in a previous time. People are walking the streets and there is no traffic. Around the turn of the century I’d say. There is always an air or feeling that I’m in a place I shouldn’t be in.

 

Sometimes the buildings are an office I used to work in but decades earlier than I was there. And there are always these long hallways or stairs I have to explore on my way to?

 

It seems most of my dreams are about solving a problem. Can’t find this thing or must go somewhere else to do something important or contact someone else about a problem. That is easy to analyze since that is what I always did at work. I had many titles but mainly I was a problem solver. No not rocket science or the cure for the plague, mine was trying to find a way to get a message to people reading the local newspaper that this store or this product or some service was worth them stopping their busy day and spend their hard-earned dough. After management training, which didn’t mean a thing in the “real” world, the problems became more intense because they were all about personnel. Those were complicated as putting a square peg in a round hole.

 

The other night I had this dream about a house full of people. There must have been a party or something because I felt crowded. Some people are familiar to me while others are complete strangers. Then I realized. I don’t see faces. I never see faces. I sense who these people are but never recognize them by their face and they don’t talk. We communicate through some strange thought-wave telecommunication.

 

I don’t usually have amorous dreams but this one turned into one. An old girlfriend was at this….”gathering” and I started flirting with her. Again, I never saw her face but I knew her by her touch. Yeah, I can touch in these dreams. This wasn’t one of those teenage dreams of the mystery girl but as we rolled around on a bed she communicated to me in whatever manner we communicate asking me if I would paint her. My first thought, in this dream, was “What color?”

Later she went out the door in an overcoat with some others, laughing and in a hurry. I was heartbroken. I must need a date.

 

I don’t have nightmares but I used to wake up suddenly in a cold sweat. At least that is what my wife used to say but I was in a different frame of mine then. I don’t dream of monsters or falling but I do have a fear of vertigo so I pull back from edges pretty quickly.

There are hundreds of thousands of books and papers that suggest what these images mean but only we can truly relate these dreams to our living experience. Perhaps they are the mind resorting our thoughts and feelings? Maybe we are just reliving painful or happy occasions from this or a previous life? Freud said they are all about sex. Maybe so, everything is about sex but that was a previous post.

 

So at the end of the day, we never know what little movies our mind may or may not present to us. Each of us has these little stories going on in our heads and they exclusively for us. We can try to describe them to someone else but most of the time they fade away from conscience memory before we can write down the details. And as dedicated someone else may be trying to interpret them for us, we are the only ones who knows what the dreams really mean.

This is wearying me out. I need a nap.

I don’t need that

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I am at an age when the new technology does not impress me. Instead of being connected to everyone and their brother 24/7 with visual and textual messages, questions, photos and other trash, I’d rather relax and watch the stars.

Of course I have enough of the electronic wonders to type books, create graphics, edit photos, connect to the world and even keep track of all my bills via a keyboard and typing skills learned in high school.

Recording music that could only be provided by high priced studios or making movies simply by facing the screen has amazed me, but there is a downside to all of this.

I-Pads, Pods, Phones, and all the other similar I-devices that electronically connects one with the rest of the world in microwave mentality speed to catch up on old times, ask about the latest update to a project, find out where you are and what you are doing and gather porn off the web at blinding speed is not my preference for spending time.

Not to say I don’t appreciate technology!

When the first desktop computer came out it was fuzzy with poor graphics but great possibilities with the upscale power and cleaner type and graphics. The engineers and electricians and whatever computer geeks there were, figured it out and presented a simple to handle computer with lots of cool stuff that sucked our minds in.

So many graphic skills changed with a click of a mouse, communication grew from the static telephone to videos and quality sound as the bandwidth grew. What was impossible for a single individual to perform was now at his or her fingertips.

So the potential defined itself.

Memory grew larger and cheaper and the speed of refreshing the screen and calculating demands became instantaneous. It has become a wonderful tool that is necessary in today’s society with quick reference and research yet it may be too much.

Watching people, just like you and me, walking around talking into a hand held device constantly worries me.

The device has become a plague.

Placing “the connection” on the table when one dines or inspect it every couple of minutes hoping for a moment with another planetary dweller has become the norm.

So have we lost the face-to-face verbal expression with another being without an electronic interruption? Can we communicate without the electronic media? Can we talk and express ideas and share intimate feelings without another human being without a plug?

Recently I watched a group of individuals gather in a small space with an addiction to grab an electronic device as a shelter to conversation. It was very awkward to me, though I already had my laptop open.  

Then again, I remember sending an email to another individual and stated I could not type or text or write what must be said because it must be spoken face-to-face with the expressions and the response immediately reacted by the recipient not some calculated and spellchecked reply.

You know I am spending way too much time on this computer!

What's on your mind?

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After finishing my series of 3-hour naps called sleep and waking from a dream where I knew the people but realize I never see their faces, I make my trip down the hall and see the scary man in the mirror. Cup of coffee, bottle of water, open the window, turn on the desk light and fire up the computer. There is no need to catch up on current affairs because the radio has been on all night refreshing the news every hour. While the last of Click and Clack crack their silliness and while waiting for all the apps to start I think about what is on my mind. 

There is always something on your mind. We, as a species, are always thinking about something. Sometimes it is reacting to work or a conversation with someone else or a problem that won’t go away. Plus it is the question that we really want to ask our friends.

Speaking of “friends” that is one of the things on my mind. Been in a conversation about losing/finding friends, which made me think: “What is a friend?” An emotional closeness or shared experiences are two definitions for friends. We make friends all through our lives and lose most of them. We use our friends to help move or paint then repay them by plying them with alcohol. We feel comfortable enough to discuss private thoughts with friends and some even know some secrets. Then some of our friends die and we wonder why we hadn’t told each other what we really thought. After a certain amount of time, making new friends and keeping friendships going becomes more difficult.

Perhaps that is part of the Geezing process. As we grow older the qualities required for friendship become more complicated. Geezers have different experiences that layer one on top of another to form new personalities. In our youth, we could make friends with just about anybody at a bar or ball game, but with the technology and the enjoyment for solitude, the Geezer enjoys a quick tweet and watching the game in the comfort of their own entertainment center. Also, the details of past experiences shared together become blurred. 

Instead of asking friends about their health or family or latest gadget, we should ask, “What’s on your mind?” for the thoughts are what make each individual unique. 

So what’s on my mind? I’m not sure. 

There is the list of to-do’s but I seem to have dust filling up on that list. Is it the hole in the ceiling? Well, it is there and I can’t fix it, but I have an estimate and just need to get a schedule. Is it the guitars sitting waiting for another recording session? That is worrisome but not at the top of the list after detailing each. 

Is it brakes that need to be replaced on the bike? I don’t think about it until I’m going down hill squeezing away trying to slow down but forget when I get back home.

Is it wondering what to eat today? Not really because the daily trip to the store and the better selection at the deli section sort of decides for itself, but I shouldn’t have gotten all that Mexican dip stuff (bloat). 

Is it wondering what that dream from last night was all about? Yes, I do think about the dreams and what they mean because that is my brain shuffling cards and playing a hand. Why was an old girlfriend in there and when she asked me would I paint her I replied, "What color?"

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In the long run, this is minor stuff to be thinking about. I guess I’m not really thinking about anything. Huh!?!

What’s on your mind?

Evolution

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You tell me that it's evolution
Well you know
We all want to change the world

Been talking, well communicating over keyboard taps, on the relevance of contacting lost souls. Not the dead, just people whom for whatever reason wandered through our lives and disappeared, perhaps to be found again.

So that got me thinking about our journey of life and what all of those connections and breakups and reconnections mean.

I call it evolution.

A theory of development from earlier forms, gradual development is the definition of evolution. It could also be called “living”.

This is what our species do. We are developed from earlier life forms called “parents” and then we grow. Our personal evolution requires feeding, cleaning, and enough education to become self sufficient from our earlier life forms at least they hope so.

Of course, this does not always happen.

When it does happen, we each evolve into separate entities. Each of us has differences even in the same family due to age. Even with the same opportunities and similar environments we evolve into unique personalities.

At one point in our lives, certain other life forms are so important to us we call them “friends” and then a few years later, they have been replaced by new “friends”. So what makes this happen?

We evolve.

What was important to us as teenagers is not as important to us as we raise families or as our careers change or as we move to new locations and lose old contacts and make new ones.  

Then toward the end, when your family is part of life and through their biggest traumas and your career has hit a plateau with only an ending in sight and your wealth has been established and your relationships have been engrained, then you find the true self.

For the outside influences do not penetrate as deep as before. Your philosophy and mental capacity and emotional spirituality has met its peak.

You have evolved.