I dated a guy who fertilized me

 

Harry was a wonderful guy. Sweet, attendant and friendly to one and all Harry was. I think he was the president of the Chess Club? We got along fine. He took me to the Junior Prom. We went to a friends house for a gathering afterwards. Everyone was drinking alcohol. Harry got a bit handy in the backseat of his father’s Buick. What is a girl to do?

Hank was a swell guy. He was just a fun guy to be with. When he joined the table at lunch everyone welcomed him. I had a chemistry class with him. We shared slicing a living frog apart. He invited me to the movies. I didn’t know what Hank was doing in the dark. The popcorn wasn’t the only thing buttered.

Henry was a bookworm. He helped me through history with our study group at the library. He seemed to have all the answers to my questions thought they were all in whispers. Henry also knew his way through the stacks.

Harvey used to come by my parent’s house and cut the grass. Dad seemed to like him but he was a little goofy for me. He was always polite to my parents but was always giving me a leering look. He also seemed interested in my younger sister. Sometimes Harvey would drive me home from school.

Harrison was on the football team. He carried my books. All the girls were jealous. I got to wear his team jacket. After the game, we’d meet behind the bleachers. He was faster than he was on the field and became a bore.

Harold was the one. He was sensitive and listened to me. We could sit for hours and just talk. We’d take long walks and laugh about our classmates. He was a bit older. One day we kissed.

Sorry mom but I didn’t listen to you. I couldn’t restrain myself when the buttons were popping and the zippers zipped and the hickies were badges of passion.

I listened to your lectures but I thought you were talking about Popeye’s girlfriend. The church told me to keep my knees together, but how do you hop around all night?

Poppa I’m sorry I couldn’t find Mister Right that you could take on your fishing trips and tell drinking tales to. It doesn’t look like you will walk me down the aisle and I can’t wear white.

Don’t think I can get a job anywhere with this bulge in my tummy and I can’t find any place to stay because I have no money.

When the day comes, who’s name do I put down as the father?