What did you get for Christmas?

While you were typing away finishing up your Christmas shopping while container ships sit anchored and trucks have no drivers I look at the selection of the recommended presents to find under the tree. While every site has a list of ‘best choices’ for popular gifts in their editorial (which is advertising, but news vs. advertising is left for another day) seem somewhat familiar.

Kitchen blenders and crock-pots always seem to make the list. There must be warehouses full of these things so every year they are trying to trim down the inventory. Headphones and big screen TV make the list. Slippers are popular. What I don’t understand are vacuum cleaners? I know when family and friends come by for the holidays; you wish to tidy up a bit, but every year? And who would buy a vacuum cleaner for? You wife? Your girlfriend? Your boss?

It made me start thinking (which is dangerous) about the repetition of Christmas at my house.

Christmas Day was a big deal at my house. The silver would come out. The rug would get vacuumed (oh, I see now) and the ashtrays were cleaned. All the presents were wrapped and arranged neatly under the tree. The front door was decorated and the magnolia tree out back was strung with lights.

There was always one BIG present and the rest were just filler. One year it was golf clubs; one year it was fur coats. One year it was an organ; one year it was a car (none were for me). 

Each of the family had stockings and every year they will be stuffed with one piece of fruit, a few nuts and miniature candy bars. A candy cane would be put in for appearance but never eaten.

I got a share of toys with cowboy guns and frontier cavalry fort kit but from what I remember there were lots of repeats.

Every year, without doubt, I’d open the paper to find a box of Old Spice after-shave. The Old Spice scent was the family favorite.  My father used the Old Spice brush every morning (must have been a knock off from his dad) and a single blade razor every morning. He didn’t use a strap and a straight edge but found enough ways to cut himself and use bits of toilet paper to blotch them.

I still had peach fuzz so I got one of the first electric razors. Now the early technology of an electric razor was to create dull blades that move back and forth and pull the hair out of your chiny chin chin. As you can tell, that didn’t work for me.

My sure to get present was a healthy hygiene kit. Do you see a trend?

Hidden between the hard candy and the melting chocolate in the stocking was a comb. For so many years I never needed a comb with the constant close cut, but my parents were not skipping any chances.

There always seem to be a box of socks. I did walk a lot and wore out socks (and shoes) but every year another batch to refresh my sock drawer. Luckily I didn’t get any replacement undies because my tighty whities would not past muster under the tree when my cousins came by.

One of the boxes with my name on it was always a Cross pen. While I was probably using a Sheaffer cartage pen or the new BIC roller ball in school, this was more of a status look than a writing instrument.

Speaking of jewelry I’d always get some sort of tie clip and cuff links. If I needed to wear formal attire, I’d borrow my father’s mass array of tie tacks, cuff links and collar stays. Another box would be put in my sock and underwear drawer to gather dust.

A watch was always in the stack. Watches seemed to be important. Everyone had to wear a watch and I was no exception. The watch was always a Timex. From a Mickey Mouse to one that looked like this, I’d get a watch for Christmas. If it had a metal band, it never fit (I have a slim wrist). Getting the band off and replacing it was challenge using special tools and much frustration? I wore my watch upside down on my wrist so I wouldn’t hit the face and break it. Telling time never made much sense to me. Why did we have 12-hours instead of ten? All the rooms had clocks and all the adults kept time, so what did I need a watch for? It just turned out to be a piece of jewelry.

Now as a kid, my parents tried to give me some sort of toy I could play with, but I have my wonders of their conclusions.

One year I got a cardboard tank. I can’t imagine the hours needed to fold, spindle and mutilate to get this thing constructed. There were no moving wheels or digital screens, just imagination. Being constructed out of cardboard it didn’t last very long.

I also got a cardboard rocket ship. Take it outside and watch it melt in the rain.

One of my favorite items of cheepnis was the tablecloth cover that became a fort. Or a house? Or a cave? Nothing more exciting as a kid than to climb under a folding card table with this draped over it and sitting on the floor in the dark.

There were few, if any, items discovered under the tree that Saint Nick delivered (yes, he ate our cookies and drank our milk) that were remarkable. The first action figure was presented.  A GI Joe (or Bob) with moveable arms and legs and it came with a horse…and a flag. A sign of the times.

So now December 25^th is just another day, except everything is closed. Don’t need to search for any presents in hopes of pleasing another or acting surprised with opening a box of something you don’t want. With plenty of scarf’s, sweaters, warm socks and no ties, Christmas is just another day.

I’m not a grinch. I do hand out a few pleasantries and expect no returns. The fireman appreciated the apple pie and a couple saying ‘Merry Christmas’ as I napped on the front porch was good enough for me.