What would you give Santa?

 

‘Tis the season that we await the Santa to slid down our chimney and bring us gifts and toys for all good little girls and boys. There is nothing more exciting to wait at the top of the stairs until your parents check out the tree to make sure Santa came and got away clean with a nibble of the cookies and milk you prepared the night before. The bell rings and we rush downstairs in our jammies to rip paper and open boxes to find our socks and underwear and perhaps an exciting jigsaw puzzle.

Thanks Santa. Didn’t you get my letter request?

Still after all the anticipation and decorating the tree and singing the same songs from last year, there must be something more?

One must appreciate the one person who works one day a year. From what we hear, he can travel faster than the speed of light (although NORAD says they are tracking him and his sleigh which gives us relief against incoming missiles), he can deliver more presents in one night than Amazon can in a full year. How does he do that? Who ate your cookies?

On this day of greed, we smile and celebrate getting something for free (like it or not) and are expected to reciprocate to others. ‘Tis the season for giving (or getting)?

Those who are responsible for having guest and family over to the house for Christmas are obliged to have a gift ready to give. Aside from the chore of decorating and putting away your soiled underwear under the bed and light candles to cover the scent of your dog and providing massive amounts of food at inflated prices, you must figure out some item that will fit your budget to surprise the guest with wonder and appreciation.

Uncle Henry is easy with a pint of Jack. Aunt Mary might have a favorite like chicken so a ceramic item could make her day. For the rug rats, give them candy until you forget Little Timmy has an allergy to peanuts and spend the afternoon in the ER.

‘Tis the season when we feel the joy (and expense) of dropping some coins in the red bucket and hand out gift cards to people you see everyday at the Tummy Temple or drug store or those who remove your trash every week (essential workers) but don’t know their names. This is why retailers and marketers flood the airwaves with special one-time offers to feed on this giving emotion. Do you still drive passes the tents under the bridge and look the other way?

What about the Jolly Elf in the red coat who brings us all this commercial joy?

Who is this Santa dude? Why would he want to work all year in the coldest place on earth with a bunch of midgets constructing gifts for strangers? Jesus didn’t do that.

From what we have been told, he is a fat old guy with a long white beard. There is a Mrs. Santa, but we don’t have the details. He wears a red suit fringed with white fur (probably polar bear) but it is unknown what he wears when he gets home to relax.

How would you select a gift for the greatest gifter? He obviously must be sitting on an oil well or a gold mine for he doesn’t seem to need any money. He must have a good logistics system to keep all those elves busy and warehouses full of materials and wrapping paper. There must be good wages and plenty of housing and medical for the little fellas.

And what about the reindeer? I’d assume they only eat the best and have dry, warm places to rest and have their hooves trimmed and coats brushed by saucy female helpers who wind up on Christmas calendars. Have no idea who trains the reindeer to fly or where they workout to stay fit for this one big night’s adventure. Do they have GPR built in?

Back to the point.

What would you give Santa to repay him for all the years of wonder he brought to you and your family and friends? He seems to be a guy who doesn’t need anything, but…

He smokes a pipe. What kind of tobacco does he prefer? He seems like a cherry blend guy but he might prefer a Cavendish?

Does he have a favorite drink to come home after his long Christmas venture to relax with a shot? Does he curl up on the sofa with a cold brew and cheer on the game or slowly sip some fine Kentucky bourbon to warm from the cold? Maybe he enjoys a special concoction mixed up by Mrs. Santa for all the elves to share?

A gift card would be as worthless as one given to the postal deliver that will be missing next week. A donation to a charitable organization under the name of Santa might give a chuckle.

Think if this guy ran for politics? He would give the Pope a run for the money. Who doesn’t love Santa?

Although he is as made up as the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and Jesus, the end of the year is a time to gather with no other reason than to act like children in silly sweaters, consuming more than our body can expand and share tales that doesn’t involve politics.

Santa has already delivered my gift for being a good boy. Won’t plug it in until Wednesday but it was better than a lump of coal.

At an age when there are no children under the tree in the wonderment of the magic dream of Christmas, I can reflect on years of giving gifts everyday and Santa didn’t help out.

I still enjoy giving ‘gift’ packages to folks from my archives that I hope they will appreciate and use, but it also helps me downsize. I feed the yard crew everyday, but on Christmas they will get a special treat.

My only goal on December 25, when the entire world is closed, is to ride down to my local fire department and give them an apple pie. It is a surprise gift that they can serve for dessert from a stranger than more and more each year looks like Santa.

Ho Ho Ho!