In Common

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 What draws us together or create relationships or companionship or friendships or even families?

We all are strangers until we find out what we have “in common”.

We may be attracted to another person by their appearance or clothing or posture or even their voice, but after the sharing of names we attempt to find similarities that may draw us closer.

Books? Movies? Friends? Work? Homes? Cars? Animals? Music? Drinks? Politics? Religion? Art?

All topics quickly covered trying to find a match.

So what got me on this subject? A program on the radio the other day talking about two babies who were swapped at birth (http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/360/transcript) each living with another family caught my ear. The thesis of the show was the two families realized the child they brought home was not similar to the other children.

Starting with your own family, what do you have “in common”? Well there is the last name but there are these old people from another generation and you are just a little tike. So these old people tend to conform you into the family’s values to share the experience of being “in common”.

But even family reunions presents the conflict of what is in common with the uncles and aunts and the cousins and grand parents or even siblings. The last names might be the same but they come from different locations have different hobbies and likes and even if the same age go to different schools. And the mother’s family and the father’s family may have nothing “in common”.

Then there is religion. These old people dress us up and expose us to the ceremonies that occur in large halls filled with others who are dress up in non-daily attire so sit quietly and absorb the speeches and sing the songs trying to form what is good or evil. And each story and tale is interesting but when the questions are asked “Why?” the human response has nothing “in common” with the other six days of daily existence.

Now school brings a whole new quandary. Other kids the same age are placed in a room with a single adult figure but what do we have “in common”? Age of course, unless you fail and become older than everyone else in the class, then there used to be race but even that was skewed. If the kids were in similar economical levels, we would dress alike, have similar haircuts, and even arrive to school in familiar automobiles or bicycles. All our books are the same. All our desks are the same. Yet on the playground we find that we are not the same. One kid is Jewish. One kid plays the accordion. One kid has aggressive behavior. One kid can draw Superman. One kid stutters. And one kid wears a skirt and has long hair.

And yet we have the link to our school “in common” and will recall the good times later in life even though we never spoke a word to each other at the time.

Our similarities grown stronger through the schools, special classes, clubs, teams declaring our individual structure with those we have these associations “in common” with.

Careers throw another group of strangers together all trying to provide enough effort to be rewarded with monetary gains for survival. Each has a certain talent or skill “in common” to perform a task. Again, we search for other similarities to have “in common” for conversation at the water cooler.

Personal experiences shared with others form friendships, some closer than others due to agreement on different values, feelings, and thoughts.

So could a family with an adopted baby suggest they have nothing “in common” with a chosen family member? And does it really matter?

If an individual can realize that each of us is unique and accept each other for their uniqueness then perhaps bullying or racism or prejudice would go away.

Look around at your friends, work associates, and even family. What do you have “in common”?