Who Knew About The Flew?

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Well it is all over the Internet and the television news. The flu season is upon us and emergency declarations are out. Hospitals are making room for those suffering while someone else is counting up the numbers of each sniffle and cough. The top stories for tonight is the epidemic and the pharmacies tout plenty of shots are still available so don’t wait.

Sounds like the old auto dealer. Come in now before it is too late or it is better than last years model.

I used to get every shot that was prescribed. The polio shot in school was like signing up for the army. Every time I would go to the doctor he would give me a shot. Don’t know if the shots helped whatever ailment I had but I always got a sore butt.

The last time I got a flu shot, I got the flu. It must have been the mid-seventies or so. I remember it because my wife (who probably brought it home from school) and I were both out of action. Taking turns in the bathroom was about all we could handle. We would have probably been goners if my mother hadn’t come by to make us chicken soup.

No matter how bad a patient one thinks they are, there is nothing more caring than mommy attention when you are feeling bad. Some one to pull the covers up and put a damp washrag on your forehead and stick a glass rod into your mouth with hopes you don’t bite it in half and drink the mercury.

From what I’ve read and heard the latest flu shot is 60% effective. Does that mean even with the shot there is a 40% chance of getting flu? I don’t know if those are good odds in Vegas but I only want to use medicine I know will work on me.

No one knows your body better than you do so when you feel tired, you go to sleep and when you have a headache, you take an aspirin and sit still and when you have the sniffles, you dress warmly and apply the Vicks vaporub and when something is bleeding, you put a band-aid on.

Of course there are needs for doctors. When something becomes unattached the man or woman who has spent years studying the latest techniques can hopefully reattach it. Yet the profession has turned into something more like insurance. If a physician or medical group, as they are called these days, find you have a certain ailment or diagnosed condition, they will send you junk mail offering their special services with a multitude of test and probes as long as your insurance will cover the cost.

If you don’t believe me, watch daytime television. Pills and rolling chairs and bathtubs with doors and special pillows are offered all day to those who are probably bed ridden looking for a solution to their problems that a shot did not relieve. Shoot, you can even get a travel bag and cup for free.

So what happens if I get the flu? Well, I try not to. I avoid those who are coughing or children or elderly moving slow. Even the sanitation wipes are far enough away from the carts at the store that you will have already touched the virus before the metal and plastic handle can be wiped down. I could wear a mask and rubber gloves but I’m not that paranoid.

Instead I drink more OJ and eat more fruit during this season. I drink additional water and eat my veggies. Even flushing out the body with alcohol does not make me immune to the flu.

And if I get the flu and it knocks me out? Then what?

There is no one who will come by and take care of me so I’m on my own. There is enough water available to keep me hydrated. There are a few cans of soup to keep me going if I can open the cans and heat it in my makeshift kitchen. If I can drag myself outside, there is television. If not there is a full bottle of aspirin and some cold medicine in the first aid kit. Otherwise, like a cold, I’d just wait it out.

I know the flu is worst than a common cold but what else is there to do?

If the bug gets me and I can’t fight back, so be it. Something is going to get you sooner or later.