Cats

Let me preface. I am not a cat person.

With that said, I have lived most of my life with cats.

I did have some ‘pets’ when I was growing up. There was a blue parakeet in the dining room that scratched all kinds of stuff onto the floor and pecked at a little mirror. Then the cage went away. There was a big brown boxer that I could have ridden. We didn’t have a fenced in yard so he just wandered as he pleases. People didn’t pick up doggie poop back then. He would scare the postman with his drooling face, but as I remember, was a sweetheart and would let me roll and tumble with him. He would sit down in the middle of the intersection on two busy roads. My dad would pick ticks off of him and drop them in a cup of gasoline. I don’t remember him in the house but we had an open back porch. I don’t remember how long we had him but one day he disappeared. I do remember my father having to drive a distance to pick him up from his wanderings. Later he left again and never came back. I got a turtle from one of those drug store pet shops. Got a little plastic tray with a plastic palm tree and the proper food to feed my little reptile. Little did I know about water and sun and soon my little turtle became covered in algae and died. I think there was even a burial. Then I got a hamster from a friend. It came with a wire cage and a wheel and it was pregnant. The next day she had her babies and then ate them. Then she died.

I asked my parents for a dog but didn’t have a real good history of pets, so I got a stuffed dog for Christmas. It didn’t need to have a walk or a bowl of water or some biscuits and it didn’t come running when I came home.

So what about ‘cats’?

As my parents were trying to get me out of the house, they found a long ago friend to become roommates at the local college. Everyone agreed to a third floor row house, so I gathered up my stuff and moved out of the house. I didn’t move in the first night but the next day I wandered into my new home to find a cat.

A Siamese cat welcomed to my new home. A cross-eyed Siamese cat was my new roommate. A Siamese cat in heat had already declared my empty bed hers.

I had little experience with cats before but now this horny and very loud cat was my unintended pet. I didn’t feed or clean up after this cunning beast but she was always around and I had to deal with it.

Even when we all moved down the street for the summer, I felt sorry for this beast entrapped on another hot boring third floor. My roommate was getting married so we split up and I moved back home and didn’t have a cat in my life for the next two years.

Then I met this girl. I know that is how it happens. She moved out of a dormitory to live in an apartment with friends so there were no curfews. Unfortunately they also got cats.

Now the little feline furies seem good enough but they come with friends. Fleas decided to abound in the apartment and welcomed everyone who entered. Between the fake attempt of stinky sprays and the constant attacked on the legs, it was not a pleasant place to stay.

So I decide to marry one of the girls and move into another two room apartment and sure enough the cat comes along.

Now let me stop and admit none of these cats were bad cats but they were just cats. They were cats doing cats stuff. They were cats being cats in my house.

So I buy a house and the cat comes along. Lots of room and windows and laced curtains to claw on and a litter box in the kitchen. Yum.

When we divorced, she got the cat. For a brief time I was cat free again, until a friend asked me to take her cat while she moved. All the ‘cat stuff’ came back.

So I meet this other girl and after some trying times decide to offer her (my bad) a cat.

Of course they all start out as cute kittens. Then there are the toys and the food and the litter and the blankets and the…..well the list goes on and on. Most important there are the vet bills.

So one cat turned into another cat and a rabbit and a bunch of fish tanks and some more cats and then some more cats and a couple more cats and some ferrets and a squirrel in the bathroom and then a dog. Animal house has nothing on me.

With that said, I know cats.

Those little purring cuties require attention and demand it. No matter how many toys scatter the floor, they always want more. Occasionally they will sleep on your lap but you are just warm. They run to you when you open food but for the most part you are ignored.

So do I miss the cats?