Brain Freeze

As mentioned, the neighborhood is barren of neighbors. This had promises of a quiet week, but that was a misnomer. Yesterday morning before the sun came up I am awaken to some banging and talking out front. “WTF! It is not 7AM yet.” After confirming that the noise was out in front of my next door neighbor’s house I figure he came back late and is out front trying to thaw out his Harley, but the noise continues. I open the door to see the neighbor across the street is having his roof replaced. An illegal alien crew is crawling all over his roof with hammers hammering, shovels scraping and power units buzzing. That explains why the last rain all their lights were on and people were scurrying back and forth and looking at the roof. They did the job in one day so it seemed so again expecting a cold quiet morning, but that was not about to happen. At the crack of dawn I hear a big truck stop. “Now what?” Then I hear this motor start up. “Is motorcycle boy back working on his bike in the backyard?” Then that all too familiar sound of tree limbs being turned into sawdust started. A crew of professional looking fellas in red puffy winter suits and black helmets were cutting down another neighbors tree. The tree was decaying and had lost some limbs but this was the coup de grâce. No more napping today, even though there was that brief vision of a road trip with police cars racing and repairs to highways and lost in a stone village like Bethlehem.

It was time to face the day. Another layer of long johns and the sunshine might fake my mind into thinking it was warmer than 21 degrees (let’s not talk about wind chill due to I don’t have a heater on my bike…. Or a windscreen.) Usual warm up and stretch routine with a welcoming by the girls checking out the stump and it was off and away. When it gets this cold the chain will slip now and again but the wheels keep turning. Maybe last night wasn’t the best time to shave? Santa will be back next December. I notice that the brain does freeze in this weather. While the legs move automatically the eyes and the mind have to be constantly woken from a numbness to stay alert of oncoming traffic. The fingers and thumbs get the brunt of the wind and start to numb but the body stays warm by the heart pumping faster and the lungs breathing harder the thin air. Once inside, there are no small carts. I like small carts because I don’t buy much and I can whiz around like a kid on a skateboard. Instead I had to settle for a dreadnaught size battleship with a basket that went out about a mile. It was just like the president’s theme song. I push this monstrosity around the aisles until I remember ‘New Year’s Day’. I’ve got to get the ingredients for the first of the year. It is tradition. Ham, black-eyed peas, collard greens, stewed tomatoes and biscuits. Moving back to the canned vegetable aisle there are lots of folks looking at the beans. I know what they are there for but my big ass cart can make it through the crowd, so I move backwards to get a ham steak (more than enough) and some flakey biscuits. Another journey by the aisles and the search goes on. Unfortunately when the weather gets cold, I look for comfort food. Not because I’m hungry but just because you can’t eat mashed potatoes when it is 100 degrees. My morning was trying to decide whether to make pancakes or breakfast biscuits but my will power avoid either and settled on another cup of coffee. Finally the way was clear and I too could stand in front of the mass variety of beans and…. “Where are they? I know they have them. I saw them the other day.” A woman in 20 layers of faux fur came up and lowered her glasses in her own investigation for the illusive ‘Black-Eyed Peas’. Feeling uncomfortable about my personal space being invaded by this investigation for these seedpods, I move onto the deli section. Not one for the sweet tooth but this weather brings out the desire for coffee cake. Sure enough the table of the Ukrop’s has the almond coffee cake drizzled in enough sugar to charge a car engine for 100 miles. Now I’m a reformed Krogernitt. I was a A&Pen before becoming a Safewayiner, then had to adjust to be a Hannafordian until conversion to the Tummy Temple of Kroger. While never a true Ukropian I understood the following of young yuppie ushers in green aprons pushing your cart to your car. There are some interesting looking pecan pies but I should not buy a full pie – yet, there is some small size in a four pack. I move away from the temptation only to find another. “Hey lady, can I borrow your phone?” There she was again with that smile that can melt your socks. Again we chatted for brief times fondly remembering what could have been and knowing full well she is getting a ½ pound of turkey for her teenage sons on college break. I went back and picked up the little pecan pies. Finally the decision of to get the rest of the ingredients for New Years and search for the last element some warmer day. So with a break in the action I reach down to get the collard greens and just above that shelf is “Black-Eyed Peas”. TaDa! It makes since but no one will find them. In my celebration of the mystery find I forgot stewed tomatoes so I’ll have to come back again tomorrow, but tomorrow they say will be warmer, say around 40. Break out the shorts. The critters are fed but the water is frozen and it is time for the setting sun and going back into the Big House to the balmy 64 degrees. Maybe I’ll have some coffee and pecan pie?