Cabin Fever

Do you have it yet? You know being stuck inside, no work, no school but hopefully electricity for television and video games.

I went looking for an image to match the feeling of being cooped up inside for multiple days when it is cold as a witches tit outside and found there is some movie or some kind of violent and bloody thing called “Cabin Fever”. Why am I not surprised?

This is day two and I don’t expect to even try to motivate in the world that I can view through my windows until next week. Sunshine and the stock of wine will help to take the sense of desertion away but we can only do so many things to entertain ourselves.

After a day of cooking yummy stuff to fill your tummy and refrigerator and get every plate, bowl, pot and pan in the house dirty, you retire to the sofa to watch mindless shows called entertainment.

Unfortunately cold (unlike hot) gets the fingers numb and dry skin itches and so many layers get bulky. Even the toilet seat is cold.

People call this ‘inclement’ weather. What is this inclement? The Google says it is harsh, intolerable weather. Schools and businesses close down due to inclement weather. What about people? There are some who are harsh, unforgiving, intolerable and just needed to be avoided.

So after looking at the boob tube until your eyes glaze over, you try and find a game or a book or some other distraction of your time cooped up inside.

For some ‘creative’ types this imprisonment is a blessing. There is no better excuse than to focus on your passion without interruption…. Other than let the dog out now and then.

After all the seasonal decorations are put away, this can be a wonderful time to go through those photo albums. Do you even remember the people in the snapshots? What is amazing, if you give it time, is to look at the items of clothing you are wearing and remember the feel of the material. That jacket was too small or that shirt was really a terrible color even in a black and white photo. If you haven’t gone dementia this can be rewarding to figure the time when your parents could afford or not fashionable clothing along with automobiles, sofas, kitchen appliances, etc. Check out your prom photos.

If you are really, really lucky you can be entombed with your family. Not only are your kids bored by doing the same things they would normally do but they also brought home every disease possible from school the day before the snow. Nothing beats family time like battling for the bathroom.

Unless you are drunk or tearing down wallpaper, you turn to the Internet to distract you from your cocoon situation. Emails only go so far and what is ‘fake’ or ‘real’ news, but the DOW is up over 25,000 (that is good if you are making a killing on Wall St.) and the chip in your computer can now easily be hacked by ‘spectra’ or ‘meltdown’ and you can lose all your photos of your kids along with your bank account. You can order some new sweaters that Santa didn’t bring you but the UPS trucks can’t get through the snow either. Maybe an Amazon drone can drop off that Beyonce CD you never really wanted until now. Don’t get too complacent for the Feds want to start cracking down on the states that just want to get high. While your wife is barfing out her guts in the porcelain throne you can quickly switch to those naughty sites your kids linked you to. Listen to some music that you already have on vinyl, cassette, CD, mp3 or stream some boring movie on your 3” phone screen.

If you want to be really creative (term used lightly) film your kids (or dogs) playing in the snow. Everyone wants to see that. Be adventurous and drag your kid on a sled behind your car until it skids on ice and you spend the rest of your day calling your insurance agent. Besides you wife will love you more by spending her evening patching up her bleeding children.

How about writing a book? Everyone wants to write a book and we all think we have ideas everyone wants to read (just like our snow kids movies), but after about an hour and three or four pages, it is time to open that next bottle of wine if you can get your mother-in-law out of the potato salad. “Write a Blog…” you think would be easy. You can show your interest in gardening or sewing or knitting or scrubbing kitchen floors and feel satisfied you have enlightened the entire world. The first post might enthrall you but after a few more hours, it becomes work.

Rationally you could use this time off to do those chores you have be procrastinating on. Maybe a few sit-ups (if you can get down to the floor) or push-ups (if you can get back up off the floor) and maybe a few curls with a beer in your hand. How about cleaning out the microwave?  When was the last time you did that? With the encrusted crud in there you will be back in line for the bathroom. How about going through your cluttered closet and sorting out those lovely reminders that you will never be that size again? Memories are hard to throw away. Try something simple like dusting! No, that won’t work because that leads to sweeping and vacuuming and finding strange items on the floor which leads you into trying to figure out where they came from like some weird NCIS program. How about ironing your socks? That will take about an hour or two and a few band-aids.

If all this stuff starts to bore you as you stare at the walls, start thinking about your taxes. A diversion from any other is reality. It is still January but it won’t be long, so start getting all your papers organized.  What can you deduct? What fees did you pay? What kind of mileage did you get on your old hand-me-down vehicle? Are your kid’s braces really worth it? When did you last get the furnace checked? Can we still afford a gardener and a pool boy? Why does your wife want a new refrigerator when this one you got in college still works fine? Why do haircuts cost so much?

That will snap you back to the real world. Better open that third bottle of wine.

Anyone want to play checkers? Chess? Monopoly? Candyland? Where is the interface?

“Echo, order a pizza” (Wonder how long that will take to be delivered?) How do driverless cars do in the snow?

The dog just ate some of that leftover fruitcake and decided to share it with everyone in the living room. Grandma now has the squirts and the upstairs bathroom. Your kids want to trudge over to their friend’s house to play video games in the middle of the night. Uncle Hugo just called from Florida and said, “It is snowing here”.

Mother has cleaned up the dishes; Fido’s unwanted addition, locked the kids in the closet and opened the window in Grandma’s room.

We both sit side-by-side in front of the fake fireplace roasting our three-layer socks under enough blankets to keep the chill manageable with rosy cheeks toast each other with yet another glass of wine.

Guess what? Tomorrow we get to do it all over again.