Jonesing for the stuff

 

Are you dying to get your shot?

Seems to be all the rage. Everyone on every network is talking about getting a shot instead of getting shot.

This promised miracle cure would get us back to a time when tossing paper towels to hurricane victims were funny. A time before violence and looting and crossing a border wasn’t the discussion of ‘friends’ and puppies and selfies were the norm.

Just like all the other potions we put in our body to ease our pain, put us to sleep or keep the ‘little general’ up all night, we go to the pharmacy.

Back in the day, when you had a headache, you went to the shelf at the drug store and picked up a bottle of Bayer Aspirin. Why? It was the only solution available. Their advertising was all over the good housekeeping magazines so by the time you put that little white pill of chalk in your mouth you were convinced it would work.

Pharmaceutical giants ‘Pfizer’ and ‘Moderna’ and now ‘Johnson & Johnson’ have some sort of concoction to suck up in a needle and shoot into your arm.

If you look on your orange vials of morning necessities taken before, during or after meals the names are as foreign as ancient Greek mythology. Now ‘Johnson & Johnson’ is a familiar name for their baby powder and band-aids, but the chemistry labs like ‘Pfizer’ sounds like some foreboding experiment (which it is) to blend eye-of-newt and wing-of-bat into a magic potion that can combat something so small you can’t see but easy enough to breath into your lungs and cause some major havoc.

Our health is one of our top priorities along with having sex, belching and complaining, so when the announcement is made that ‘the fear of death’ can be fixed with a shot (or two), we all come running.

Who is the first in line?

Put the most vulnerable up front. If they get ‘it’ they will most surely kick the bucket. History shows if you’ve lasted this long; you probably have a pretty good immune system. Why waste a shot of immortality on someone who will be gone soon anyway?

Essential workers are definitely up top for a shot. Who is essential? Nurses and doctors who are close to the infected are certainly essential. The EMS folks who bring them to the hospitals are most positively essential. The police and fire folk are most essential for even if the virus doesn’t get close we need them to round up the bad guys and put out the fires. The truck drivers, who deliver not only the ‘cure’ but also our substances to survive while we are quarantined, are essential. The folks who pump the gas and fix the engines to keep the trucks rolling are essential. The men and women who prepare the food delivered to feed the doctors and nurses and EMC and police and fire and truck drives are essential. Then there are those behind the scene people who clean up after us. When do they get a shot?

While you wait, what can happen?

Suppose you ‘get it’ but then you think it goes away, but it doesn’t.

Crippling fatigue, headaches and chest pain, blood clots, memory problems, racing heartbeat and shortness of breath, hair loss, leg weakness and even in some cases temporary paralysis are just a few of the mysterious, lingering symptoms experienced by COVID-19 survivors. These might also be symptoms of dozens of other ailments known or unknown at the present time, but we are talking about our immediate pandemic.

So you finally get ‘THE SHOT’ and relax knowing you are going to survive until the next epidemic comes.

What if, you start getting shortness of breath or a persistent cough?

Did the shot work? Did the second booster get there in time? Were there enough testing? Maybe you need another dose? Maybe you got the mutation version of the virus and the shot didn’t work?

So the folks in the white lab coats have confirmed a vaccine that is advertised as being effective against ‘the purge’ and tell the laboratories to start cranking out the juice because everyone wants it.

Now these pill factories, just like the automobile assembly lines, have constructed facilities, hired qualified people and set goals for the ‘normal’ request for its product on the basis of ‘supply and demand’.

All of a sudden the demand has outstretched the ability to supply. Money is no object for the federal government is flipping the bill and they print the dollars, but are there enough people and places to produce the massive amounts now requested? The assembly line might go faster but will the quality of the product be maintained?

Who is that in the alley?

“Psst, hey buddy? Are you looking for some comfort? I got a needle right here with your name on it.”

Just like the ‘War on Poverty’, ‘War on Terror’ and the ‘War on Drugs’, there will always be an entrepreneur to come out of the woodwork and improvise a solution for those in need.

Ever hang with a junkie?

Oh, it doesn’t have to be the hard stuff; it could just be the daily binge. When the supply starts getting low, they start jonsing for the stuff.

Some people I’ve heard have already gotten the ‘shot’. Some have gotten the ‘shot’ and the ‘booster’. I don’t know if they looked at the label to see if it came from the same manufacturer or what the ingredients were because we depend on the medical professionals (those folks in white lab coats) to give us the right dose.

I’ve read about all the optional ‘shooting centers’ being set up for the masses. Just like voting, large areas are being cleared so lines of people can roll up their sleeves and get a shot. The best option I’ve heard is a racetrack. Not sure how fast you have to drive around to get the shot, but it would make it an interesting experience to tell the kids.

Speaking of kids, shouldn’t they come first? The next generation seems somewhat immune to this virus, but they are still carriers. Haven’t we been bad enough to the little ones to keep them out of school and away from their friends? They will read about times when there were proms and football games and necking under the bleachers but they are just old memories of another time.

If you are sitting home and investing on things other than ‘GameStop’ you might consider blue rubber gloves. They seem the rage ever since HIV times. A touch that used to be kinky is now normal. Of course the face diapers are the new fashion trend and now there is talk of layering them. Check your portfolio. Now the plastic garb and booties and hairnets might be extreme for today, but tomorrow?

Needles! Everyone needs needles to inject the good stuff in your arm to go throughout your body and make you invulnerable. Haven’t seen any ads online and I’ve thrown away all of mine long ago, but someone out there is making this simple tool to transfer chemistry to bodily health.

The reactions from getting your ‘shot’ have been across the board, but what if you like it? If you hear there is a third ‘shot’ do you want one of them too? Since the distributions and application of shooting up seems in disarray, why not get a ‘shot’ in each arm and one in your butt to save time.  

I’ve not read about how (or who) is keeping records of who gets the ‘shot’ and when they get the ‘shot’ and when they get the ‘booster’. I’m sure some data-mine is accumulating all the numbers and factoids for PowerPoint presentations. News @ eleven.

If you feel invulnerable after getting your shots, then lower your mask and get back to spitting in each other’s faces.