NO Internet

 

Day One. The power went off. The power came back on. The Internet did not.

Everything in my life seems to be back to semi-normal but there is NO Internet.

There is NO email. There is NO Facebook. There is NO YouTube. There is NO Wikipedia. There is NO Google.

If I was in school or in a business relying on the Internet to my homework or make a few bucks, I’d be raising a row, but I’m not.

All those connections, while fun, are mostly a waste of time.

Am I hooked and can’t live without seeing people’s cats and children and silly Memes and Gifs with an emoji or two? Can I live without?

Tomorrow I’ll look to see if the cord is still connected. Today the reboot of the router shows it is working the network, but still ‘off line’.

How long can I live without a Yahoo entertainment opinion or a WWBT weather update, time will tell?

I’ll let you know more tomorrow.

Day Two. At midnight I got out of bed. I usually do most nights. I would check out the window to see if anyone else was awake or if there were any creatures wandering the grounds. I would also check the Internet and Facebook to be the first to wish ‘Happy Birthday’ to whoever’s name popped up.

Not this morning.

I climbed back into bed and wondered could I continue to do without? I thought of all the things I use the Internet for to convince myself to call Verizon to come fix it. I thought of the cost I would be billed for not using it. I thought about maybe a circuit breaker being switched or maybe the line came down in the ice? I thought about testing the plug to see if that was the problem?

I was obsessing.

At sunrise I got up, as I normally do, and got my shot of V-8. Again my routine was to check the news sites and weather to start planning my day, but I was staring at a black screen.

I can do this.

On the radio was a program on the BBC about journalism that I wanted to send links to others, but couldn’t. I jotted the name of the show down on a piece of paper in hopes of telling someone at a later time. One of the panelists on the show seemed interesting and I wanted to know more about him. I did not have that option.

I had been contemplating and actually practicing turning off the computer and doing something else, but when the weather got bad and isolation was chilly and grey, it is easier to sit at the screen and scroll through the kittens and puppies and kiddies and plates of food and silly memes and inspirational thoughts and sunsets avoiding comments on news conferences and wondering why all these ads wind up on my timeline.

Television used to be the same baby sitter. First thing in the morning while preparing that first cup of coffee, the television was turned on. Watching PBS gave a sense of superiority over the standard commercial television soap operas and talk shows, but watching the finest acting and educational shows can become repetitive.

Without television I don’t know the latest names of shows or actors. I can’t understand the latest cultural trend of watching. I can’t watch the hours of football and commercials in the Super Bowl, but from I understand I didn’t miss anything.

I was a kid of the 50’s and grew up on television. Got mousekateer ears from television. I fashioned my cowboy outfit according to my favorite westerns. Whatever happened on ‘Leave It To Beaver’ or ‘Ozzie and Harriet’ mimicked my family (or vice-versa). We were good All American consumers buying the toothpaste or clothing detergent that television told us to.

Now the radio is filling my time. I even heard that Kim and Kanya are splitting up without the Internet comments. I listen to the radio enough to know what time it is by what program is on.

Occasionally (because NPR repeats itself) I turn OFF the radio and put on some music. Sometimes I turn OFF the music and enjoy the silence. Unfortunately in an old house the silence always has some creak or groan that fills the mind with home improvement cost.

I’m writing this and can focus without stopping to switch to the Internet to see what the weather forecast is or research the date the Beatles played Ed Sullivan for a book I’m writing on the side.

I will probably cave and get back to connecting with the world, but I’m going to stick this out as long as I can. I’ve gone without a car and I’ve gone without television but having time on your hands, in the cold, needs a good movie or communication with another.

Stay tuned.

Day Three. The sun is back today. The yard is full of robins. I saw a rat last night and have a solution. Put on a layer of soft woven stuff and went to the kitchen for a cup of Joe and an egg. I had found this mix in a little carton that was eggs already mixed. Just pour it in a hot pan and you got an omelet. While I waited to flip the egg, I checked the thermometer outside. The needle pointed below 20. That meant it was below freezing. Will decide later if I will venture outside.

Yesterday I took out the recycling and checked the Internet wire. Everything looked right but that was as far as I investigated. I want to see how long I last.

Last night, while listening to the radio, I called up ‘Chapter 4 – The Chaperells’ and wrote a couple more pages. Without checking to see if there is a new email or someone had posted another silly meme on Facebook, I took a break and walked around the house. There were no treats to eat or alcohol to drink. I didn’t want this book to become work, but I was strangely focused without Internet distraction. The memories were flowing.

I would lie down and then get another thought and have to open up the page again and add more words.

So this morning, with my coffee and my egg, I opened up last nights work and started to re-read the paragraphs. I don’t need Facebook or YouTube or Yahoo for I know whatever is posted will wait for me, if and/or when I get back. I don’t check the snail mailbox everyday. I don’t get that much mail, so I’ll go out every couple of days and retrieve the junk mail and a bill or two.

It is amazing what you can do without.

The problem is I need ‘spell check’. I’ve got spell and grammar check and autocorrect on my 2008 version of MSWord, but sometimes I’m stumped on how a word is spelled. I have a dictionary but finding how to spell a word without knowing how to spell a word doesn’t help. There is no Google to guess what you are looking for and give you options. Plus Wikipedia could confirm my idea of what the word meant.

Now the decision of ‘Do I go to the Tummy Temple?’ I’d planned on going before the snow. I’d expected to stay home for a couple of days and then ride today. I seem to have remembered that tomorrow was to be rainy so today would be my best chance to get out. I have food. I have coffee. I have water. I don’t have any critter grub. I don’t have any alcohol. Do I dress for the cold and ride deflating tires to bring home a bag of seed, some cocktail peanuts and two six packs? Should I take a shower first (for I’m sure I’m stinky)? Would a ride get me out of this seat? Would this decision brush my teeth? Would a wander motivate me? What would you do?

I’m a wutz. I climbed into my layers, put on real shoes, walked out into the cold and got ready for the ride. It had been several days since I’ve moved my muscles so I knew it was going to hurt. Back into traffic and remembering drivers do not pay attention to bikes, much less red lights so I took it easy. The parking lot was barren but the aisles were full of young beautiful women. All good. The remote scanners seem to be on hold so I’ll gather my choices and get in line to see Katy. The guy in front of me was cheerful, friendly and revived the sense of what people should be. Katy was as kind as always, but a little tired. It was fast and pleasant experience and I could see her smile, even through the mask. Westley was on the checkout line instead of the you-scan-it section. I paused and gave him his gold captain bars and a salute. “It's a field promotion”

Don’t hate me because I’m weak. I got some sunshine and some fresh air. I put out the critter buffet and everyone was thankful. I disrupted the rat holes and filled up the bike tires so I was somewhat productive. I tested the Internet plug and it didn’t seem to have power. I threw some of the circuit breakers but nothing seemed to change. The next step is to run an extension cord from a plug that I know works and reboot. Now the options are to call the electrician first or the FIOS guys? The first extension cord didn’t work.

Nope. Tried all my tricks so I guess I have to break down and give Verizon a call. I ain’t a junkie but I’z need my email.

In the meantime, I’ll get back to writing my novel that will never be published and going to bed early.

Day Four. With all my file folders and documentation, I do not have a phone number for Verizon. I also don’t have a Google to find a phone number.

The sun had gone away overnight and the dawn brought more rain and grey skies. Dragging out of bed with my morning shot of V-8 should I call Verizon or not?

Without being decisive, climbed back under the covers for another dream. Finally my eyes popped open and wouldn’t close so it was time for coffee. Finished up my morning egg covered in cracked pepper and hot sauce with a splash of OJ, I called up what I had written the night before and re-read (edit) it.

Where there moments missing? Yes, for one memory reminds of another memory and the spaces have to be filled in. Oh, that reminds me…

NPR played the regular Monday line-up and the trash men came and went and I read the words and tried to remember. The radio was just background noise as I tried to focus on the screen.

Every now and then, I’d get stumped and start to go to the Internet to find a word or source, but there was no connection.

I seem to be able to do without kittens and plates of food and even some repetitive announcements, but I do need ‘spell check’. I do miss the alternative of working with a YouTube video or some new tune to stream.

Tomorrow I’ll break down. Tomorrow I’ll do it. Tomorrow I’ll call.

It is also surprising how all communication has moved from letters and phone calls to email and email need a network connection.

I’ve also not seen the images of Mars. I’ve not read the comments of Kim and Kanya break up. I don’t know what treasure Charles Bowles has picked up along his walks or what Bill Turnage is having for dinner.

I haven’t looked at my medical chart to see if I can get a shot. I haven’t read about all the variations of the virus mutations.

I also haven’t put up the curtain rods. I haven’t hooked up the surround sound system. I haven’t cleaned the bathroom. I haven’t taken a shower. I haven’t painted. I haven’t vacuumed. I don’t think I’ve even brushed my teeth today?

I have filled my face and dumped it all out, but when that is what makes the day go by then I should be 100 years old and in a wheelchair. If I were in an assisted living home, they would have television and possibility Internet connection? Maybe even a rousing checker game?

I didn’t refresh the buffet today but it was raining. I haven’t gotten out of my snuggly pants because it was raining. I opened a bottle of wine because it was raining.

On a normal day (at least for me) I would wonder if I fell or got sick who would know? Who would come to my aid? Who would find the body?

Now with even less communication, is there anyone out there?

If the weather is fair tomorrow, I’ll try out the freshly pumped tires and go to a place where there are other people? Behind my face muffler, I might even say a word or two to another human being?

Even with this isolation I’ve had no desire to cook. No big pot of chili or soup. A prepared sandwich or salad satisfies any hunger pangs. An egg poured out of a carton or pancake powder mixed with water in a shake container is as close as I get to the stove. Flip, fry and eat. An occasional small pizza baked in the oven is almost too much to eat. I’d lost desire to go to a restaurant years ago so I don’t miss the hamburger and fries. I don’t miss bad service and food (I use that term loosely) cooked by another.

Now the president comes on with a downer speech about all the dead Americans. This is a solemn event that hasn’t happened in the past four years by a US president. Flags at half-staff. Soldiers bowing their heads. Priest praying. Choirs singing hymns. Faces with tears. The plea goes on. ‘Don’t be an ass and wear your mask’. ‘Get the immunity to save the community’. ‘Don’t be a disgrace and cover your face’. May we have a moment of silence? Show a picture of all the fans at Woodstock and then a graveyard. We’ve matched the 500,000 body count. Let us now analysis this sermon. Let us light a candle. Toll the church bells. Read the names of strangers. We mourn. Amazing Grace, of course, with flourishes. How touching, but not very informative of what lies ahead? This was not the survival blitz speech.

Just before there was a report about a new vaccine shot from Johnson & Johnson (the folks who make the baby powder) that only requires one poking and no intense refrigeration. The question of 60% effectiveness as opposed to 90% effectiveness by the other two shots available to some, the answer is a shot is better than no shot at all.

One couldn’t have imaged when our shorter life expectancy comes, the family will say, “He died with his mask on (instead of boots on)” We’d become so accustomed to freedom to go anywhere, eat anything, talk to anyone and get close to everyone. Social distance from that coughing old guy or that sneezing kid, but for the most part, we were as healthy as we allowed our body to be. There have always been measles or mumps and some have had other health transparencies and travesties but most of the people walking the streets seemed pretty healthy. The people on walkers were avoided. The people using crutches were few to be seen. The people in wheelchairs were invisible. We shun our disable (and poor and others that don’t blend in)

Now is time for Kye to tell me what the economy is doing in 30 minutes with some snappy music. There is the continuing discussion of $15 an hour for minimum wage. I worked 15 years before getting $15 an hour so I cannot relate. There was a report of how (with this pandemic and people working from home) that rent will be lowering, probably followed by cost of housing in cities. Office building construction on hold due to people working at home? City infrastructure, services including police and fire, folks who clean the windows, toilets, and streets plus take away the trash, merchants who require walk in sales (like restaurants) and hotels without conventions are failing. Kids graduating from school need to evaluate selling insurance, advertising or real estate, spend more time in school to become a lawyer or a nurse, become a computer nerd to gather data to share to those who are not computer nerds or join the military service to either learn a skill to repair cars or tanks or run wiring or plumbing or dig ditches or kill people. Then there is the report of wearable’s that will not only carry your personal information but will detect anyone with a disease nearby. Medical bigotry or survival? Don’t know if it will take selfies? At the end there are numbers and possible charts (but I can’t see them because it is radio) of GNP and stock market results for the day and businesses closed and people out of work and I’ll tune in tomorrow to hear more.

The rest of the news is about disruptions all across the globe for different reasons, continuing planet abuse, migrations and starvation and political confusion everywhere. It is interesting that the number of deaths by this pandemic is compared to war dead. Maybe the last president will finally have to show his tax returns? What is he hiding? Will the Internet remove all journalism except viral videos from TikTok? Will protestors and opponents violently battle each other on live TV? Will the security (police, swat teams, national guard, military, special forces, militias, space force) use live (deadly) ammunition against protestors? Will planes explode and rain parts and pieces and bodies into your backyard? What happened to BLM during February’s ‘Black History Month’? What happened to ‘MeToo’? What happened to ‘War on Drugs’? What happened to ‘War on Poverty’? Are the ‘white helmets’ real or fake? Did John Kennedy get assassinated or did his ear pods just play ‘The Beatles’ and his head exploded? Then is there too much gas? To eliminate the energy climate demise, there is talk of eliminating ‘natural gas’ for electricity that need to be provided by windmills and sunshields instead of that nasty dirty coal. The recent Texas snafu showed just how dependent we are on a power grid. I’m still connected mostly and I use gas to cook and heat. I thought it was the cleanest and most economical fuels available. As I age will I go without warmth and eat cold food? Doesn’t sound like a good way to go?

Now what?

I’d be scrolling through emails and deleting junk for extended erection pills and new windows, while seeing if anyone I’ve called a ‘friend’ has anything important or revealing to say, or seeing if any of the local news media has anything more valuable than road closures, murders, obituaries, business closings and virus deaths while avoiding the pop-up ads.

Then watching some documentary or old newsreel on YouTube before crawling back under the covers when the wine runs out.

Is this what’s life is all about? 

Day Five.  After a rough night, woke to sunshine. Still cool at 7:45 but looks like a promising day. A sneeze session clears the head and the V-8 prompts the rest. Take another nap before washing off the grim of a week under winter weather. Then the radio says, “60s today” and February 23 is looking up.

Awake again to the radio full of virus talk. Why, where, when, who, what…ask it over again and again. Ask all the politicians, scientist, doctors, lawyers, Indian chefs and all the other ‘experts’ and we keep getting the same answers. We don’t know.

Will this virus go away? Will this vaccine rid us of any mutation of this virus? Will a booster vaccine or possibly a different vaccine or a new more powerful vaccine be needed in the future? Will the virus affect us after we get the vaccine? If we get the virus, can we live? No one knows the answers.

If that’s not good enough for repetition, let’s talk about the GOP and where is that going? And that there severance package that will give us free money cause our bank accounts are running low…show me the money?

Does anyone else notice the little buds on the trees? Does anyone else see those little green things poppy up through the snow? Does anyone else appreciate the sunshine and understand all this rain and snow and ice is now helping the trees and bushes straighten up to become homes for migrating birds?

It is much easier to ride on tires that have air than not. Did my usual long route in the sunshine and my body said, “Thanks. I needed that.” The blacktop wasn’t frenzy so I could lock up in ease. Of course no little carts so I wandered to the other cart parklot, passing Ms. Hillary saying, “They left the door open so I wandered in.” Got a laugh. Found a small go-cart and tried to decide which end of the Tummy Temple to attend my needs. There was the same sign announcing the new Grab-Scan-Go system wasn’t working so I had a choice of standing in line for Katy or do my own scanning with Ms. Hillary and her magic card to see me out. Found another guitar magazine and then saw Capt. Westley. I asked him where his captain bars were, but he was down. He said he was feeling poorly and was headed home. I backed off and made the sign of the cross. Eggs, bacon, croissants, V-8, potatoes, popcorn and two six-packs of Samuel Adams Boston lager were loaded up and I was ready to go back to the sunshine. Christopher, bedazzled in his red vest, made his usual grunts and chuckles and it was Kandi’s birthday. It must have been ‘ole folks’ day for the aisles were full of elderly women appearing lost and moving slow, but this day was too good too not take another route and exercise my tired legs.

Once back in the alley with today’s purchases, I waved at Henry across the yard and commented on the nice weather. He is doing a great job on that new stone patio for Jan. It is nice to see another human being.

Preparing the buffet and inviting the patrons I ate my popcorn and watched. There was no Internet for diversion.

I finally decided to find out what the problem was and get it fixed. I was paying for a service I didn’t have and after a few days didn’t really need.

I plugged a radio into the outlet just to make sure it was getting juice. It worked.

Searching again through the file folders searching for a phone number, I decided to call the Verizon Wireless number on my cell bill. What the heck, maybe they can connect me to FIOS land?

Expecting a long conversation or a series of pushing buttons to be transferred, I got a nice spot in front of the window to watch the critters feed, a cold beer and a pad of paper. I also got my checkbook in case they couldn’t remember my name or account number but knew I was being billed every month.

First try seemed to fail, so I called the 800-number again. The mechanical voice on the phone knew my name. She asked for if I needed assistance in billing? There was no press #1 or yes for #2. I just said, “No”. The voice then responded that she (I guess it was a she voice) saw I had a landline account also. “What is the problem?” she asked very politely.

“No Internet” I spoke into my flip phone wondering who can hear this and understand what I’m saying.

She started giving me instructions on how to reboot the router and I replied I had and she said she would check the connections and a little ditty came on.

I was talking to some machine somewhere and it was going to check my Internet connection from parts unknown. What the…?

This is the 21^st century and I was prepared to talk to a person in Bengasi with an accent I couldn’t understand and trying to get some guy in a van to drive to my front door and solve my problem, but I was talking to some very nice machine who was checking my Internet from Mars.

I sat patiently in front of my laptop that I had open writing letters to myself while in communication isolation and listening to a little jingle. Note to musicians: Learn to write three or four notes that people can listen to without throwing the phone against the wall and you will make more than touring. Ask Brian Eno about the first Microsoft boot-up sound.

The voice came back and said it had checked the connection and would now check the router. Wonder if you can get a vaccine this way?

Suddenly the browser window popped up on the screen. Someone was in control of my computer. A few different windows appeared and disappear on the screen as I watched in amazement. When was the genie going to pop out?

The voice came back and said everything looked good and asked if I needed anything else? I clicked on the laptop and sure enough, I was connected to the Internet. Woo Golly, thez here computers is beyond comprehension of an ole Geezer.

No waiting for a guy in a van to come by and throw a switch. No struggle with electrical power or discussion of ‘what about this?’

Some mysterious voice waved her magic wand and I was back in the world of the living.

I tried to get her number and set up a date but all I got was a pleasant ‘call me if you need me’. What a tease.

So here I am. After five days without the Internet did I learn anything?

I can do without and have before. No heat. No electricity. No water. We can adjust to situations.

I will try from now on to turn the computer OFF more than sitting staring at a screen full of silliness. I will try to use the wonder of living in a library to double check my questionable thoughts and try to fill in the blanks.

In the meantime I’ve got to go back to email and Facebook and check the long list of nonsense posted for my viewing.

Nothing is ever that simple for now Google doesn’t seem to know who I am anymore? Hey, it has only been a couple of days. It is always something.  

Think I’ll catch up on the Mona Lisa Twins’ new video.