What would you do if you were rich?

 

Tired of hearing about a dysfunctional political system, climate change, virus spread and death? Tired of filling out surveys of ‘what was the best dish your mother made’ or ‘what would your pirate name from the color of your shirt and the last thing you ate’ or ‘would you marry the person you took to the prom’?

So watching billionaires with nothing else to do than take a cruise into outer space, what would you do if you were rich?

Not just well off or wealthy, but stinking rich with more dough than you could ever imagine. No need to check your bank account because the 0’s run off the screen.

Don’t worry where it came from. Maybe you won the lottery or a rich relative passed down their leftovers or more devious terms, YOU ARE FILTHY RICH!

Now what do you do with all that money?

It seems those who appear on the ‘Rich & Famous’ buy cars and houses and yachts and travel around the world.

Oh, with all that dough, you immediately become ‘famous’. Where now no one knows who you are or even care, once you got a fat wallet reporters want to know your every detail and you can’t move without getting a photo taken. You will be fodder for the press.

First you can park that old jalopy and get yourself the car of your dreams with all the bells and whistles. Drive it off the lot ‘sold’ but it will still start to devalue. Want a truck? Get one of them two. How about an off-road vehicle? Even wanted to ride a motorcycle? How about a camper…no a bus? Every rich person needs a stretch limo.

There is no enough space on the curb parking for all these vehicles, so now you need a place to park them. A garage the size of next week will do.

Now you need a house to attach to the garage.

This isn’t a remodel or a fixer upper, but a design from scratch This will require an architectural firm because you don’t know enough about wiring and wall structure. Want a big kitchen? No problem. Separate bar? Sure thing. Vaulted ceilings? You bet. How many bedrooms would you like? Each with it’s own bath? In-door pool? Matching outdoor pool? Golf course? Bowling alley?

Once the walls and floors are up, you need to show off your fine taste with interior designing. Biggest screen televisions in every room. Surround sound system in every wall. A grand piano and maybe a harp? Museum worth artwork and floor to ceiling mirrors.

Now that everyone knows what you look like, you can’t run down to the corner convenience store in an old sweatshirt and a pair of jeans to pick up a 6-pack of PBR. You got to look the part of a person of means. That means tailored suits (nothing off the rack – that is for commoners) and fancy shoes. There is plenty of room in the walk in closets for a million hangers. Don’t forget to get quaffed for the latest style and probably a manicure wouldn’t hurt.

Do you have a ‘significant other’? Do you have children? This is going to change the entire family too. “No, we can’t afford that” will disappear from your vocabulary.

Speaking of family, you will suddenly be overwhelmed by cousins, aunts, uncles, long lost brothers and an array of folks you’ve never seen on the ancestry tree. You are going to have kinfolk all with their hands out.

Plus every organization, foundation, non-profit and even religious houses of worship will come begging. If that is not enough, politicians will be on bended knees wanting to fill their coffers.

What you need is a financial advisor, maybe several with accountants, lawyers, bankers and investment and tax advisors. Even with all this money, you can fritter it away in no time if you are not careful.

You will also need a posse or entourage. You are now known to be rich so to keep from getting robbed or kidnapped, you will need security. Probably a secretary to keep track of your schedule, a driver, a pilot or two, the captain and crew for the yacht.

Whether you have one or more homes, they will need gardeners to keep the grounds tidy, maids to keep the floors clean, a kitchen crew to prepare your meals and at least one butler to lay out your daily wear and attend to you immediate needs. The garage will require mechanics to keep all the vehicles in tip-top shape. The plane will need a hanger and a crew to keep it ready for your beckon call.

Then there are the ‘hangers-on’. They might be old friends or people who you find interesting but they want to be in your inner circle. They want to share in your luxury and attend your gala events without any compensation.

If you have that much money, you got to have parties. Invite all the celebrities and expect an invitation to their parties. Be sure to take lots of selfies to post on your fan page.

Then it is Tuesday morning.

Your special brewed coffee is cooling on your bedside table. If you prefer orange juice to tomato juice it will be freshly squeezed. There is no running out to get an Egg Mac muffin for your chef will prepare you an omelet from French hen eggs on freshly backed muffins from the finest English flour.

You can check the news online or have a stack of printed media to go through but it is Tuesday and nothing is happening.

Wander out to the pool but the sun is too hot. Don’t feel like a ride in the Lamborghini because there is no place to go. Too early to drink and only the staff to talk to.

Crash on the sofa and binge on Netflix. Even the rich get bored.