Friday, March 20, 2020

Have You Been Exposed?


“I heard Mary’s got it.”
“I saw Mary just the other day.”
“Oh no, then maybe you’ve got it.”
You know the rumors and hearsay and third party interpretations. Social media is good for that.
From what I’ve seen on the Internet, there are numbers of folks who have be declared contagious or infected by some sort of testing. There are also a number of deaths.
But I haven’t seen any names or dates when they became aware they had the cooties.
There are list of sexual predators living near you. There are list of the daily dead in the newspaper listings. But there isn’t a list of who done got it (yet).
Does your neighbor got it? Did the guy who delivered the pizza got it? Did the checkout person at the grocery got it? Does that couple walking their dogs by you got it?
If someone you see if coughing or sneezing or wearing a mask, social distancing is no problem. You will avoid them like the plague.
I’ll go to the Tummy Temple to get my daily bread, follow my usual route while maintaining my personal space, talk the usual talk to those who have the magic cards to get me out the door with alerting security and bring whatever I got back home.
Until I hacking and whizzing, I’ll follow my daily routine and wait for all of this to calm down and ponder the new reality.

Thursday, March 19, 2020

Symptoms


Did you just cough? Are you feeling warm? Is your throat feeing dry? Are you tired?
You can self-diagnosis yourself with the ‘cooties’ that is going around.
1. It is hard to get a ‘cooties’ test (so far).
2. There is no ‘cootie’ remedy or cure (yet).
 So you are home ‘sheltered in place’ shuttered away from everything and every one except what comes over the wires.
The radio gives information and reviews and opinions from experts interspersed by dreadful dirge music. The Internet is full of sites that may give your directions or misinformation to get you through they trying times.
I have no idea what is shown on TV because I don’t watch it.
With all the anxiety and stress of this possible apocalypse, should we wait to hear the Wagner’s ‘Die Walküre (The Valkyrie)’? Should the emergency room waiting area play R.E.M.’s ‘It’s the End of the World As We Know it’ just to keep you calm?
Does anyone remember this is springtime? The flowers are blooming, the leaves are popping out and the pollen will soon cover the streets. Even if you are not allergic there will be enough stuff in the air to make you sneeze.
I’m not a doctor (and I don’t play one on TV) but to me the best solution is still what ole Doc Page recommended.
1.    Drink lots of liquids
2.    Get plenty of rest
3.    Stay warm
4.    Eat chicken noodle soup
Oh and wash you hands. (cough)

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Cooties



From what I’ve read (you can investigate further) the ‘Cooties’ were lice brought back from solders in WWI. ‘Cooties’ were also a game (see above) where I think parts were assembled or taken apart, but I don’t know the rules. ‘Cooties’ was also a movie, but I’m not talking about any of that.
With all the talk about this ‘conoravirus’ going on and how we are to stay sheltered, self-isolation and personal distance without our natural fear and distrust for one another?
Without wearing a star on our jacket to show others we’ve been tested and proven positive (or not), everyone we see might just be ‘one of them’.
You know. One of those infected with the deadly disease that a handshake or a sneeze could put you in the ICU.
If this is a ‘war’, those are the enemy.
To rationally ask someone ‘How are you feeling?’ there is a suspicion they got it and the fear that they are going to give it to you.
While we are going to act like children, let us call this virus something other than a beer. Don’t put a scientific number name or an abbreviation, but call it something we can all relate to.
“YOU GOT COOTIES!”
Yell that and you will get everyone’s attention to back off.
After all the scientist and medical professional figure out what this virus is and how to diminish it like Polio or Ebola (notice: I did not say ‘Cure’) we all must be aware that anyone, anywhere could be a carrier. In other words, they might have “Cooties”.
To be on the safe side, you’ve purchased enough supplies to last the two weeks (or more) and have taped up the doors to the bomb shelter.
Did little Johnny get infected from playing with Sally before you closed the door? Did grandma just sneeze? Are you feeling warm?
When all the food runs out and the alcohol runs dry, what do you do until you hear the “All Clear”?
What if you don’t hear an “All Clear”?
I don’t have ‘cooties’ (yet, that I know of). Do you have ‘cooties’?
Ewww! COOTIES!

Monday, March 16, 2020

All Quiet On The Western Front















Seems quiet here? Where is everyone?

Seems you can't go to school or work or a ballgame or church 
or a bar or a movie.

So where is everyone?




Don't expect to be visiting. It is not allow to congregate.


Sunday, March 15, 2020

On The Plus Side


As everything looks like gloom and doom, remember this will be over and then what?
All these folks who have been sequestered within their rooms for days on end without being to go to the gym or hike the park paths or run in a marathon or jump up and down at a festival are eating.
From what the grocery shelves appear, they will be eating a lot. Sitting on the couch, surfing through Netflix and gorging on cheese doodles and soda pop. No need to put on a suit for work is closed and churches are closed and anywhere you would go to impress someone else by your attire is closed. Stretch pants are the order of the day.
Whether this pandemic last two weeks or two months or two years, these folks will be eating. Instead of working at home, they will be scanning the web or binging the tube or snoozing. When they are not doing any of those things, they will be eating.
And when they finally walk back out into the sunlight, they will be bulbous.
Doctors should stay in touch with these folks to make appointments (when they can come out) to tell them they need professional health test to get them back into swimsuit shape. Exercise professionals need to have the doors open for the obesity crowd to waddle in hoping to lose the pounds from all the food they have downed. The airlines might have to limit the number of seats so the plane gets off the ground, but they haven’t been going anywhere anyway. Getting a seat on the subway will take more than a squeeze. Apparel manufacturers will have to enlarge their patterns for the new rotund customers. Ventilators will be more popular than ever.
Will employees who come back be able to work an entire shift without taking a nap? Will the vending machines be able to provide for the new eating habits?
Good opportunity for insurance agents. Good opportunity for assisted living communities. Good opportunity for plumbers.
Enjoy your carrots and your walks. Good luck.

Shiny Hinny


If you are planning to stay at home for the next two weeks and you’ve filled the house with canned goods, noodles, Brussels sprouts, ice cream, pizza and beans, you will need all that t-paper.
If you fill the attic and the garage, with all the family confined it is better to be safe than sorry. Hope you paid the water bill.
With all the closures who won’t need more t-paper, there will be plenty to go around. Hope you also stocked up on magazines and air freshener.
After two weeks you won’t want to give a…well you know.
If you piss someone off and tell him or her to “Kiss Your Ass” they will know it is a shiny hinny. Hope you don’t get diarrhea.

Saturday, March 14, 2020

Sick Days


The United States does not currently require that employees have access to paid sick days to address their own short-term illnesses or the short-term illness of a family member. The U.S. does guarantee unpaid leave for serious illnesses through the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). This law requires employers with 50 workers working within a 75-mile radius to comply and, within those businesses, covers employees who have worked for their employer for at least 12 months prior to taking the leave. In January 2015, President Barack Obama asked Congress to pass the Healthy Families act under which employees could earn one hour of paid sick time for every 30 hours they work up to seven days or 56 hours of paid sick leave annually. The bill as proposed, would apply to employers with 15 or more employees, for employees as defined in the Fair Labor Standards Act.
Some studies show that the cost of losing an employee (which can include advertising for, interviewing, and training a replacement) is often greater than the cost of providing sick days to retain existing employees. One brief suggests the average cost of turnover is 25 percent of an employee’s total annual compensation.
Presenteeism costs the U.S. economy $180 billion annually in lost productivity. For employers, this costs an average of $255 per employee per year and exceeds the cost of absenteeism and medical and disability benefits. For workers in the foodservice industry, one analysis found that food borne illness outbreak for a chain restaurant – including negative public opinion, which affects other operations in a metropolitan area – can be up to $7 million.
The United States Bureau of Labor Statistics has said that the average cost of sick leave per employee hour worked is 23 cents and the cost per service worker is 8 cents. Additional research by advocates for a policy has suggested that paid sick days could lead to savings of $1.17 per worker per week for employers.
Many studies have looked at the economic well being of the city of San Francisco after they passed their sick leave policy in 2004. The research finds that (including other external factors) San Francisco outperformed its neighboring counties in terms of job growth in the years after its sick leave program went into effect – even during the recent recession.
The Healthy Families Act (HR 2460 / S 1152) would establish a basic workplace mandate of paid sick days so workers can take paid sick days to care for their health or the health of their families.
The bill creates a minimum requirement that allows workers to earn up to seven days per year of paid leave to recover from illness, to care for a sick family member, or to seek preventative health care. It enables victims of domestic violence, stalking, and sexual assault to take paid time off to recover from incidents and seek assistance from the police or court. It also allows people to take time off to care for ill parents and elderly relatives, or to attend diagnostic or routine medical appointments. Employers with fewer than 15 workers would be exempt from the law.
The Healthy Families Act would allow an additional 30 million workers to have access to paid sick leave from their jobs, including 15 million low-wage workers and 13 million women workers. If the bill were to become law, 90 percent of all American workers would have access to paid sick days (up from 61 percent currently).
The Healthy Families Act was the subject of three hearings in the 111th United States Congress:
·      House Education and Labor Committee’s Workforce Protections Subcommittee hearing on the Healthy Families Act on June 11, 2009.
·      Senate Committee on Health, Education, Labor and Pensions, Subcommittee on Children and Families hearing, “The Cost of Being Sick: H1N1 and Paid Sick Days,” on November 10, 2009.
·      House Education and Labor Committee hearing, “Protecting Employees, Employers and the Public: H1N1 and Sick Leave Policies,” on November 17, 2009.
The U.S. government guarantees federal employees 13 paid sick days a year.
Parental leave, or family leave, is an employee benefit available in almost all countries. The term “parental leave” may include maternity, paternity, and adoption leave; or may be used distinctively from “maternity leave” and “paternity leave” to describe separate family leave available to either parent to care for small children. In some countries and jurisdictions, “family leave” also includes leave provided to care for ill family members. Often, law stipulates the minimum benefits and eligibility requirements.
Unpaid parental or family leave is provided when an employer is required to hold an employee’s job while that employee is taking leave. Paid parental or family leave provides paid time off work to care for or make arrangements for the welfare of a child or dependent family member. The three most common models of funding are social insurance/social security (where employees, employers, or taxpayers in general contribute to a specific public fund), employer liability (where the employer must pay the employee for the length of leave), and mixed policies that combine both social security and employer liability.
The company I worked for had benefits that they did not advertise or promote. There were three sick days (with pay) that was extended to six sick days. They also had a medical plan withdrawn from the paycheck. The amount of co-payment was fixed to $200. These were the days of horse and buggy.
Like social security and whatever deductions I had, I accepted it as the norm. Every year there was a booklet printed for all to read of the benefit and medical package they were paying for, but no one read it.
I didn’t realize until later that most of the staff viewed ‘sick days’ as just another week of holidays. I also wondered why ‘hourly’ paid workers were given a day’s pay for not being at work?
I don’t like being sick. I don’t like feeling bad. It is icky.
I’ve used a few sick days for the common cold or the late night party or a dinner’s disagreement or an occasional hangover. These were days I’d been useless at work.
The medical health plan never covered whatever ailments I had so I paid out-of-pocket. The one time I used the insurance saved me from selling my house.
However they figure out who can stay away from work and for whatever reason is fine. My taxes and your taxes will pay for it.
I just want to stay well and healthy until the end. Wash your hands and don’t touch your face.