Where are you
when I need you? I prepare for you but you disappear when I want you. You slip
away into the corners as the darkness creeps in and sit there invisible
laughing your silent laugh at me trying so hard.
It doesn’t seem
to matter how long I wait for you or how quickly I try to enjoy your peace, you
have full control over what I can and cannot secure.
Some days it
seems so easy to drift away but recently you have avoided me. You hide from me
in the night and don’t explain why you won’t let me rest.
Is it the cup
of coffee before I sleep that is keeping you away? Do I need to go back to the
habit of drowning myself before you come by? We will see tonight.
If not, I will
continue to toss and turn while listening to jazz then live classical concerts interrupted
by a few minutes of news. I will even try to play familiar sounds hoping the
wiggle of a foot to the beat will wear me out. Occasionally I will get up,
disgusted by the unavailable goal of sleep and try to wear myself out searching
the blinding screen for some sense of exhaustion.
Two o’clock,
three o’clock, four o’clock all past by and still the mind wander into the
stream of constant thoughts. Projects, people, wonders, comments, images, and
possible dreams without sleep fill the void.
As the light of
the morning starts to come through the window creating as much frustration as
anxiety, for some reason you come to me and allow me to drift away into
darkness.
Yet you do not
leave me alone. You give me dreams of remarkable images. No director or
filmmaker could possible create such views and characters in tales and
adventures and mysteries I could not attempt to follow but I’m along for the
ride. Some faces are familiar and so many are unknown but the script has been
written within and must be followed until the head is lifted from the pillow
and the crusty eyes meet the brightness.
Adding up the
few short naps the body feels it has had enough of the struggle and moves into
the new day.
Will you come
see me tonight my darkness mistress? Will you allow me rest or must I wander
into the abyss without you?
2 comments:
try some OTC sleep aid. Sometimes one/two days is enough to break the cycle. Or get up when I do (i.e. give up). And sorry insomnia ain't any fun!
It seems things rise up from the subconscious to worry us even when we really don't have any of the old worries about income/job/strategic and tactical decisions/impossible people. I find, like you, that the imagination turned loose is objectively fascinating but an annoyance too.
It's always something.
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