Accusations

Wake up to the sound of rain. Again. Pull back the covers. Swing legs over the side and sit up. Stand up and stretch. Peer out the window at the swamp. Put on sweat pants, left leg first. Slide on slippers then bend down to adjust the heel of each. Walk into the dining room and open the curtains. Walk into the kitchen and open the blinds. Check the traffic and listen for sounds of the yard. Scratch off another day on the calendar. Open the water heater and pour come cold water in, one, two, three, stop. Place water heater back on the stand and push the starter down. Pull the sugar glass container from its spot next to the microwave and place on potholder. Unscrew tin lid and reach in a get one pink package. Screw on lid tight and place the container back to the microwave. Shake pink the tear off top one third of package. Pour contents into unwashed coffee cup. Place the top one third into the empty package, walk to the window, use right foot to step on the lid release and drop open pink package into the bag. Turn around and open the cabinet with left fingers on bottom of door. Pull out creamer contain, open lid snap with right hand and pour into coffee cup with left hand, one, two. Close lid and place back on shelf. Pull out coffee container and unscrew lid. Place the lid upside down on potholder. Pick up teaspoon and scrap the bottom of the jar. Dump a spoon full into coffee cup and repeat. Put spoon onto paper town and pick up the coffee jar lid and screw it back on. Place coffee container back on shelf and close door with two finders on the bottom of the door. Pick up the coffee cup with right hand, turn right and turn off the water heater. Pick up the water heater and go to the sink. Pour water into coffee cup to the rim, and then place the water heater back on its stand. Pick up and screw on top of coffee cup. Turn off the kitchen light. Walk back to the computer room and press the space key. Place the coffee cup on a black rubber trivet and sit down. Turn on lamp. Open email and log into Face book.

I may be accused of many things, but variation from my fundamental routine is not one of them. Of the things I have been accused of, some were real and some were not, some I accepted responsibility for and some I did not, some were realized and some will remain secret.

Though the sermon for today was “confessions” I was thinking of “accusations”. An accusation is defined as: a claim that someone has done something wrong or illegal: a charge that someone has committed a fault or crime. An allegation of wrongdoing is what you get arrested for. Even though the accused must be proved guilty before being punished for the perception of a crime, this does not always happen.

I think of those who are falsely accused. A coach who is accused of inappropriate touching or a teacher who is accused of improper behavior or a co-worker accused of sexual harassment. The names and often the photos are posted in the media for all to see. Interviews, even if just outside of a courthouse, are accusatory in nature. But if the accused is found “not guilty”, the general public never reads the small statement in the bottom of a back page if even printed. The damage is done.

There are other accusations that do not involve a legal crime, though they may turn into that. An allegation, in a relationship, that one of the partners is “cheating” on the other does not require the same rules of law to be found guilty. Infidelity is more of a moral crime, but can lead to divorce and all that goes with it.

So I get back to the sermon of the day, “Confessions”. Who do you confess to? “Did you leave these dirty dishes in the sink” is an easy confessional with little punishment. “Who is this person on your email?” might take a little more creative explanation. And if the accusation is too close to the truth, what do you say? What can you say? Perhaps it is better to remain silent for you have already been judged “guilty” and there is nothing to say. There is no apology for a broken heart.

I always found it interesting that the Catholic Church had a confessional booth that expected anyone who felt guilty of sin to get absolution by a priest in the sacrament of penance. I’m not going to get into all that mumbo jumbo about who’s God is best. I figure I’ll have to haggle it out with St. Peter when the time comes.

I have admitted or confessed some of my sins to close friends whether they need to know or not and many I’ll take with me. When accused, I evaluate the situation and see if the audience is listening or has already decided a verdict. Sometimes I will take my punishment, whether deserved or not, and other times I just stay quiet. 

SILENCE IS MY ONLY DEFENSE (cml, 2003)

She ask what year I am in,

As I blindly stare out in space,

I wonder what the question means,

But do not give it another thought,

For the future holds the present,

And the present is the past,

And the past is far, far from us,

The questions ricochet off my thoughts

As I look at my soul

The sun is warm as I bake

My mind in the dark clicks of the keyboard

For the future holds the present

And the present was the past

And the past is far, far from us

Live your life, the way you want

But look back to see where you’ve been,

Is this the road less traveled?

Or the life about to begin

Don’t ask me no questions,

Don’t tell me no lies,

Don’t go to the borders,

Don’t follow the cries,

Don’t beg to be willing,

Don’t see the beginning,

Don’t scratch the surface,

Don’t stand in the halls,

Don’t follow the shadows,

Don’t beg for forgiveness,

Don’t jump to conclusions,

Don’t stone the sinners,

Don’t sing the praises,

For it’s not your song.

Live your life, the way you want

But look back to see where you’ve been

Is this the road less traveled?

Or the life that’s about to begin.