Hi! I’m Jack (Greetings and salutations)

At a mixer or a wedding reception or a business conference or a funeral wake or even a family reunion; you meet a stranger.

Other than their hairstyle, smell, body tattoos and piercing, clothing and demeanor; this person is new to you.

A handshake is a short ritual in which two people grasp one of each other’s like hands, in most cases accompanied by a brief up-and-down movement of the grasped hands.

Using the right hand is generally considered proper etiquette. Customs surrounding handshakes are specific to cultures. Different cultures may be more or less likely to shake hands, or there may be different customs about how or when to shake hands.

Dap is a friendly gesture of greeting, agreement, or solidarity between two people that has become popular in western cultures, particularly since the 1970s, originating from African American communities. Giving dap typically involves handshaking (often, by hooking thumbs), pound hugging, fist pounding, or chest- or fist bumping. The practice and term originated among black soldiers during the Vietnam War, as part of the Black Power movement, and the term is attested since 1971. Black soldiers of the Americal Division in the Vietnam War engaged in dap and used the term as early as 1969.

Giving dap can refer to presenting many kinds of positive nonverbal communication between two people, ranging from a brief moment of simple bodily contact to a complicated routine of hand slaps, shakes, snaps, etc. known only by the two participants. Elaborate examples of dap are observed as a pregame ritual performed by many teams in the National Basketball Association. These choreographed actions are rarely televised and serve as a superstitious means of psychological preparation and team solidarity.

A fist bump is a gesture similar in meaning to a handshake or high five. A fist bump can also be a symbol of giving respect or approval. It can be followed by various other hand and body gestures and may be part of a dap greeting. It is commonly used in baseball and hockey as a form of celebration with teammates, and with opposition players at the end of a game. In cricket it is a common celebratory gesture between batting partners.

Namaste is a respectful form of greeting in Hindu custom, found on the Indian subcontinent mainly in India and Nepal and the Indian Diaspora. It is used both for salutation and valediction. Namaste is usually spoken with a slight bow and hands pressed together, palms touching and fingers pointing upwards, thumbs close to the chest. Namaste can be spoken without the bow; however, the bow is more formal and is considered to be respectful, especially when directed towards an elder or a person of importance.

In Hinduism it means, “I bow to the divine in you”. The greeting may also be spoken without the gesture or the gesture performed wordlessly, carrying the same meaning.

The left-handed Scout handshake is a formal way of greeting other Scouts of both genders and is used by members of Scout and Guide organizations around the world. The handshake is made with the hand nearest the heart and is offered as a token of friendship. In most situations, the handshake is made firmly, without interlocking fingers, and many organizations only use this handshake when both people are in uniform. There are some variations of the handshake between national Scouting organizations and also within some program sections.

All World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts members share the left handshake, and when meeting other Girl Guides and Girl Scouts, it may be used in conjunction with the Scout sign done with the right hand.

A secret handshake is a distinct form of handshake or greeting which conveys membership in or loyalty to a club, clique or subculture. The typical secret handshake involves placing one’s fingers or thumbs in a particular position, one that will be recognized by fellow members while seeming to be a normal handshake to non-members. This is most frequently associated in the popular consciousness with college fraternities, fraternal orders and secret societies.

A secret handshake can also be a useful form of familiar interaction between friends, colleagues, and family members. As a form of cryptography, secret handshakes are shared only with select and elect peoples. Usually a secret handshake has underlying meanings that differ from person to person. Secret handshakes involve a precise, sometimes complex series of movements and contact between two individuals or even a group. Usually, these movements involve the primary use of hands, but could also involve a series of touching feet, elbows, or in some cultures a friendly kiss.

The person in a higher position of authority or age should be the first one to extend a hand. When meeting future in-laws, the father-in-law should start the handshake.

If you make a mistake and initiate it, don’t withdraw your hand because that would be rude. Always follow through with a handshake. Smile and continue with the introduction. Don’t apologize.

If you are sitting, rise before extending your hand. This shows respect and puts you on the same level as the other person. Make eye contact and offer a sincere smile to show that you are happy to be where you are.

Be still and face the other person to prevent giving the impression that you are in a hurry to get away. If you are walking, try to stop, turn, and face the other person, unless it creates an awkward situation.

Offer a friendly greeting as you shake hands. If your palms are damp, you can delay extending your hand if you introduce yourself while blotting your palm on the side of your slacks or skirt. Your greeting should include his or her name and a pleasantry, such as, “It’s so nice to meet you, Ms. Jones.” If you have more nice things to say, include them at this time, but don’t go overboard.

“Howdy there partner” with a thrust of a hand and a hearty welcome followed by a bear hug might not be the best ice breaker or saying “Shake” which requires the other person to stand rigid with hands straight down and jumping up and down as if someone has put an ice cube down the back of their shirt.

You don’t want to offer a limp hand because it gives the impression of weakness. However, this does not mean you should crush the other person’s hand. Be firm but not overpowering. If the other person offers a limp hand, give a gentle squeeze. This can be a cue for him or her to grip more firmly.

Most people prefer shorter handshakes. Be observant and follow the lead of the other person, particularly if he or she is in a superior position to you in business or social position.

If the other person continues holding onto your hand longer than five seconds, politely withdraw your hand. Maintain eye contact and a pleasant expression afterward to maintain a positive interaction.

Most people use their right hands-unless they have a reason to use the left. Ideally, your left hand should be visible and unclenched. Don’t have your left hand in your pocket because this appears defensive. In most business situations, you shouldn’t use your left hand to touch the other person’s arm or cup his or her hand. However, in a personal setting, you may.

The handshake shouldn’t go back and forth or side to side. Don’t pump the other person’s hand more than three times, or the greeting may become very uncomfortable.

The homeboy or black brother’s handshake, fist bump, elbow bump, exploding hand, grab arm slide, high five, side bootie bump, etc. have all been popular and in certain situations acceptable.

A slap on the back during a handshake is becoming accepted as ‘more than a shake but less than a hug’. Some folks get into this full body hug like you are a child and must be cuddled, but it does invade a personal space and maybe unwanted or offensive.

Now if Jack is with someone else to introduce you to, the ritual starts all over again. If the new stranger is a female might want to require some different evaluation and reaction. This person could be a business partner or a romantic spouse or a sister or offspring.

A quick handshake could be appropriate, if her hand is offered. To be suave a brisk touch of a hand raised to your lips may seem charming but beware of the right cross. Touching or hold a female’s hand for too long can send mixed messages such she is wearing gloves. A kiss on the cheek will probably get a left cross.

So now you are getting into introductions?

Where are you from? Where do you work? What is your title? Are you married? Where do you live? What kind of car do you have? Got any kids? Is this your wife? Where did you get that suit? Do you know? What are your hobbies? What is your favorite drink? What do you read? What is your favorite band? What is your favorite food? Do you cook? Do you read? Have you ever been married? Have you broken a heart? Did/do you do any drugs? Have you been to…? What is your favorite movie? Do you like blondes? What is your favorite team? Where did your family come from? What political affixation do you belong to? Do you believe in God? How many times a week does you bathe? Ever been arrested? Is that your real hair? Can I borrow your lawnmower? Can I take your daughter out? What do you think about that abortion bill? You got a gun?

The list goes on and on.

Or you could just fill out a form and mail it in. All your personal information will be uploaded to a website: UslessInformation.dump and can be shared and updated at your leisure, for a fee. Don’t worry about security. This is already being done without your approval or knowledge.

When people look up your obituary, the algorithm will sort this data and evaluate your life.

So what will it say about you, Jack?