Let’s face it,
we all fart. With all the stuff we poke in our faces, something got to give.
Our bodies are well-tuned machines capable of taking such substances as
carrots, tomatoes, and melons with roughage like kale and spinach to fuel the
body and keep it moving. If we follow the owner’s manual we can keep the pipes
clean and ourselves healthy.
Yet we pour
stuff into our bodies that those little estrogens in our bellies have to decide
what to do with. Some is good for us but most of it now a day is ‘junk’. Our
body has a battle of how to discard it.
Flatulence is
defined in the medical literature as “flatus expelled through the anus” or the “quality
or state of being flatulent”, which is defined in turn as “marked by or
affected with gases generated in the intestine or stomach; likely to cause
digestive flatulence”. The root of these words is from the Latin flatus – “a
blowing, a breaking wind”. Flatus is also the medical word for gas generated in
the stomach or bowels. Despite these standard definitions, a proportion of
intestinal gas may be swallowed environmental air, and hence flatus is not
totally generated in the stomach or bowels. The scientific study of this area
of medicine is termed flatology.
It is normal
for humans to pass flatus through the rectum, although the volume and frequency
may vary greatly between individuals. It is also normal for intestinal gas
passed through the rectum to have a characteristic feculent smell, although
this too may vary in concentration. Flatus is brought to the rectum by specialized
contractions of the muscles in the intestines and colon. The noises commonly
associated with flatulence (‘blowing a raspberry’) are caused by the vibration
of anal sphincters, and occasionally by the closed buttocks. Both the noise and
smell associated with flatus leaving the anus can be sources of embarrassment
or comedy in many cultures.
There are five
general symptoms related to intestinal gas: pain, bloating and abdominal
distension, excessive flatus volume, and excessive flatus smell and gas
incontinence. Furthermore, eructation (“an act or instance of belching”,
colloquially known as “burping”) is sometimes included under the topic of
flatulence.
So with that
said, we gobble up all sorts of garbage and wash it down with anything but pure
water and expect our body to sort it all out. Seriously, our brain is not
working with our mouth and thus our heart and liver and stomach has to deal
with the consequences.
Our body tries
to tell us there is too much to deal with. We regurgitate when the body doesn’t
want anymore. We belch when the air is closer to our mouth than to our ass.
Then we fart.
Modern
chemistry has come up will an array of concoctions and pills to try and settle
our disposal system. Still the body will react for what is best and beware the
audience.
In proper
circles, a small ‘toot’ may be wistfully ignored with a faint sigh but that
full-blooded-raise-a-cheek blast? The upper class will excuse themselves to
venture outside to let loose while the just out of the outhouse crew will make
great fun of stinking up a room.
If we accept
the passing of gas, even in the most intimate moments, should we not prepare
for the inevitable? Should the prenuptials acclaim the existence of their
partners smell and how much would be unacceptable to the union?
While some
will sit on their plastic coated couch bombing away to the laugher of the room
others will try to restrain the urge to let loose with a foreboding smile of
guilt.
Maybe like a
hic-up or a sneeze or a burp, our bodies are just trying to get out what it
doesn’t want, so why not let it rip? Certain etiquette would suggest not to
spew onto a crowd but if the smell bothers those around maybe an air fresher
stuffed in your underwear might relieve any embarrassment.
If you decide
to drink carbonated drinks and eat beans and burritos, stuff is going to
happen. Studies show certain foods will cause certain reactions to the body, so
what is a better way to find the perfect date than walking you home when every
step is a blast from the past?
Couples who
have grown accustomed to their partner’s smells will just kindly pick up the
air-freshener and accept that is a way of life.
Love stinks.
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