Finally

Headline: “Miss America Pageant Ends Swimsuit Competition”. It is about time.

Now I’m a wholesome red-blooded American male and enjoy a glimpse at the fleeting jogger but I’ve never understood the “Miss America” contest. What is it for except to parade around a bunch of cuties for the viewers to goggle?

Even if it was a talent contest with the best of the best from every state in a “America’s Got Talent” for white pretty girls, then maybe, but there is already enough talent contest. Why “Miss America”?

By the title one would imagine the girl must not be married and perhaps virtuous. This is the American ideal of a woman before motherhood? There must be an age requirement or they would all be 13-14 and that would just be wrong, unless you look at the Paris runways.

So someone gathers these beauties up to someplace like Las Vegas and each is called out on stage to perform their talent like sing or play the piano or juggle while wearing prom gowns. Then the girls strip down to their underwear and poise as if being bid for like slaves to the American dream.

A team of judges tally the scores and one is crowned “Miss America”. Well it not really a crown but more of a tiara and handed a scepter and a fur lined cape and placed on a pedestal. Everyone cries and the make-up runs.

Then this gal is sent around the world as some sort of representative of America? She doesn’t represent anything but the U.S.A. live Barbie. She is not a queen and has no power but a cute smile. At the end of the year she goes back to be Jane Doe and hands the crown to the next herd.

So the “Miss America” will end the swimsuit comparison but there will still be the “Miss (name your state here)” contest and the “Miss Universe” contest (where are the aliens?) and “Miss World”, etc. There are plenty of spring break videos and wet-t-shirt contest to keep the guys ogling as long as you ladies are welling to shake it to get attention.

We’ve come a long way?