I loved you both; he loved me back

I don’t know if it was an original statement or a picked up quote, but it stopped me. What a great title for a book.

The person who said these words to me was someone I knew in high school. We were not ‘boyfriend girlfriend’. We didn’t share classes or even schools. We didn’t pass and forth sweaters or rings or memorabilia. We didn’t attend movies or dances or concerts together. We never went out to eat dinner together. We did have certain chemistry.

Lost track of her decades ago, when I got married to another. The last I heard she was dating a friend of mine but I never saw them together. She was never spoken of.

Fast forward to the Internet and stumbling on a high school reference, I saw her name. I click on it to see if there was any information but instead the screen said, “You’ve just sent a message”. Oops!

She responded and we had silly emails trying to find out details but not prying. Like everyone you lose track of, everyone has another life and 1966 was a long time ago.

At about the same time, I had reconnected with another friend. The friend I’d heard was dating her.

Being a snoop, I would question each on their relationship. Each filled in certain details that a detective could connect the dots. There seemed to be more than they were telling me so that was their mystery.

He was in my wedding. I heard years later she was dating him at the time but didn’t attend.

He moved out of town so the story ended until the Internet connection.

Then I got the news she was coming to town. Her mother still lived in town and she was coming home for a visit.

She arranged for a time and place that the three of us could meet.

The memory of a distant time came back with more questions than answers.

There is another point to this story.

Even though we were not ‘officially’ dating or a couple, there was an emotional connection. While I kept trying to be aloof, we kept finding ways to meet for a tryst.

The rumor was when I got engaged it broke her heart.

There was never a breakup because, to me, there was never ‘up’. Still I became the bad guy through history.

Then the time came for a lunch together.

How would he and she act in front of me? How was I to act to her and him? Did she still hold a grudge and was going to scream at me or shoot me? Were they going to relive a former passion and I was just a third wheel.

Maybe she had forgotten all about me?

I sat at the bar watching the door in the mirror. I didn’t have any idea what she looked like. My only reference was 40 years ago so it was a shot in the dark I’d recognize her.

She walked in. We grabbed a booth and placed drink orders. She told me that he couldn’t join us because he was sick. That left possible reasons but was glad to have her undivided attention.

We walked through the neighborhood releasing some chatter that was neither revealing nor controversial. It was meeting someone new, yet familiar. We had spent hours walking the streets back in the day because we had nowhere to go. We never talked about family or school or each other (that I can remember) but it was just comfortable to spend time with each other.

We met for drinks a few more times bobbing and weaving around the topic we didn’t want to discuss. The possibility presented itself, but we didn’t go there.

Before she left town, she told me the phrase, “I loved you both; he loved me back”. I had no response.

The next time I saw him, I made a point of repeating that phrase. I wanted to make sure he heard it.

I’ve lost track of both of them since then. The experience was just another blip in history, but as you can tell by me writing this, it was memorable.

I fell in love with her; at least a fantasy of her. It was a love that was a combination of teenage kisses and old age romantic wishes.

It was puppy love all over again. A love would never come to fruition, but could be appreciated in its fantasy.