Sleeping with other people

 

Being a reflective sort of old fella, I tried to fit myself into this puzzle.

I can still remember being a teenager. I remember when girls started to get my attention and I worked hard to attract their attention. Once I did I had no idea of what to do next.

Perhaps the most famous aspect of Amish social life is “Rumspringa,” which means "running around" in the Pennsylvania German dialect. According to the Young Center, it is the time, beginning at about age 16, when youth socialize with their friends on weekends. Rumspringa ends with marriage. Apart from introducing young men and women to one another, this period is an important time when Amish youth need to decide if they will be baptized and join the church, which usually occurs between 18 and 21, or leave the Amish community.

This reminds me of those African rituals shown on B&W newsreels of young guys having to go out into the bush and kill some sort of creature and bring it back to the elders to prove ‘manhood’.

Still that period called ‘puberty’ was my Rumspringa.

There was that time between parental rules that declared who you could associate with and how late you could stay out. There was that time when proper behavior between two people of opposite genders (when there were only two) was acceptable. There was that time when the weekly preaching of a horrible fate that awaits those who sway from the abstinence rules until the church approves the union.

Just looking.

This was the time when you tried out different models knowing if this one wasn’t right, there were more on the lot. Give a test drive, kick the tires, and then see how your friends react. Getting approval is important to your dynamics of becoming a couple.

Not making light of relationships, particularly when the bodies are full of hormones trying to escape. From what I’ve witnessed there are those who meet early in life and continue to this day. Congratulations. Seems they are still dating each other. There are those who bounce around the romantic pinball machine looking for ‘Mister or Misses Right’ but many times wins up with a tilt.

I lack some of the nuances of the adventure for I never had a ‘girlfriend’. I had girl friends but no one to wear my letter sweater and put wax in my school ring. That meant to go to a dance or a concert or a party, I had to find a date. Too young to go to pickup bars and no Tinder yet, there was lots of phone calls. Someone might know someone who might want to or have a friend coming into town for the weekend or can’t because the parents would be out of town. There was no guarantee that the person you took would be the same person you came home with.

While some encounters may have been brief, guys would (and I imagine girls did too) pass around just enough information about the person who allowed you to become intimate. Whether the stories were true or make-believe gossip and looks would fill the halls and reputations were made.

A few emotional connections (as shown in a previous 10/16 story) went from local to long distance and that doesn’t work.

Still the numbers of ‘partners’, like notches on the bedpost, survive. Some may have been in the heat of the moment, some may have been revealing nights of wonder, some may have needed to be repeated and some were soon forgotten. The act of sleeping with several people is supposed to help the experience to make the right selection, but usually you are not the first chosen.

How we act when we are in a social occasion with our stated significant other is different when we are alone. Human nature is always looking. Like hunting for that next meal, we may hide our glances and possible sweet romances; it is easier to retreat to what you know than take the leap.

Until marriage, ‘one night stands’ were the norm and neither expected more. Nothing was promised but a few costly consequences had to be dealt with. Marriage vows were made to stop the wandering eye.

Between marriages, the game was revived. With a bit more wisdom or not as drunk as before, there were boundaries of how far to go. By now I was old enough to watch closing time selections. People having had ‘relationships’ also had history and some baggage.

The 50’s blissful ideal of marriage was he or she would be the first (and vice versa). Having no experience is a difficult way to start. There were no classes in school or drivers ed films or anyone you could watch to see how it was done. Some made it work. Some had to have something to compare it too.

While making a friend is difficult enough, one who might become an intimate partner takes the task to a different level.

If the game is played for the body count, the titillation or remarkable prowess, we all play the game different.   

Here is another take…

https://www.thisamericanlife.org/720/the-moment-after-this-moment/act-three-0