Bucket List

 

A bucket list is a list of the experiences or achievements that a person hopes to have or accomplish during their lifetime.  A bucket list is an itemized list of goals people want to accomplish before they “kick the bucket” — or die. 

As we get closer, one can look back to see what they checked off and how many more to go.

I never thought I had a bucket list, but there were a few things I thought about doing that I never did.

Let’s take a look:

• Learn to breath.

When they cracked the egg, I rolled out blue. I hadn’t read the directions you had to breath to live this life. I started yelling after Doc Savage started hitting me. Suck air in then blow it out. That is what life is.

• Learn to swim.

Swimming was my first movement (after crawling - which is just wallowing and dragging across the floor). It felt right to be in the water and I took to it. I didn’t have fins or gills so I had to keep coming up to apply what I learn in my first bucket list. To go to the ‘deep end’ had to pass a swimming test.  

• Learn to walk.

Swimming was fun but there wasn’t water everywhere. Dragging myself around on a dusty floor wasn’t much fun so I learned how to wobble about on two limbs called legs. It required balance but you got from point A to point B faster.

• Learn to pee & poop.

To survive you have to keep the engine fueled. Slimy goo that you will avoid for decades was stuffed into your face and would come out the other end. Trying to walk carrying a full load is no fun so I was taught to take down my pants and unload in a porcelain bowl. Having a hose I learned to shoot the little bloody tissue swabs my father would throw in while slicing his chin in another action I would learn later.

• Learn to talk.

Babbling and grunting couldn’t be understood by any of the giant people, so they taught me how to make sounds they could relate to. I was informed everything had a name and I was taught to place a word to identify the object.  I learned what to say…and when.

• Learn to eat.

As previously mentioned, this process of moving and talking requires fuel. After years of being wrapped in plastic and having someone else shove goop down the pie-hole, with some of it going in and some of it spouting out, I was sat down and taught how to eat…using utensils. Eating with hands only, like every other animal, is messing and almost impossible with soup. This required using a napkin. This was the first training in etiquette. May I be discussed?

• Learn to dress.

Because this life has weather, I was taught to protect my skin by wearing woven form fitting materials to stay warm and dry. There was also a ‘law’ that no one could just run around naked. Clothing came in many sizes and colors because this shell we carry around keeps expanding. Clothing was also the introduction to bigotry.

• Learn to sleep.

Walking around talking and eating is exhausting. It is best to just conk out when tired, but I learned there was a procedure to resting the body. There are special times, clothing, horizontal cushions with layered covers and even special rooms for what is called ‘sleeping’. There is even appliances to awake you at the proper approved time. The act of sleeping has never become easy for me, so I would bang my head on a pillow until I could move no more. I still toss and turn during the dark hours feeling less than energetic awakening.

• Learn to pray.

Before climbing under the covers and the lights turned out, I was taught to pray. The prayer was: ‘now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my Soul to keep. If I should die before I wake. I pray the Lord my Soul to take.”  So some mythical spirit was hovering over me and if I stopped breathing, it would whisk me away into the clouds. That was scarier than the monster living under the bed. I was taught to dress up every Sunday and go to a big room with big colored windows and hard seats to listen to some guy in robes to read passages from ‘the’ book and everyone would sing. There was even a fee for this show. I went along with the process but couldn’t understand the one-hour teachings one-day-a-week didn’t correspond with the actions of the rest of the time.

• Learn to be silent.

Life has a caste system. Where you land is the luck of the draw. Don’t ask the questions if there are no answers?

• Learn to wonder.

Beyond the oblivious, there is so much else to experience. The environment around offers more questions that seek answers. Take time to wonder. Observe and enjoy.

• Learn bigotry.

Bias is not born, but taught. Life in your environment is the status quo and accepted until one wonders why? If reinforced how we react to each other can become our personality. Bias can be untaught.

• Learn to read.

Due to bad eyesight and little persuasion to expand beyond the Little Golden Books and Reader’s Digest, reading was not my first choice. This lack of skill or interest held back my education and studying and I never knew the difference. Finally in college I learned ‘speed’ reading, skipping all the trash and retaining the necessary information to ace the grade.

• Tell time.

My Mickey Mouse watch was numbered 1 -> 12. Why not 1 –> 10? When Mickey tied his shoes was 6:30? When Mickey held his hands up to indicate a touchdown it was 10:10. When Mickey said it was ‘time out’…? Why after AM did we start all over again with PM? It was time to go to school when the sun came up. It was time to come home when the bell rang. It was time to eat when the food was on the plate. It was time to sleep when the TV went off. What did I need Mickey for?

• Play the guitar.

My friends started going to musical training classes. Piano. Violin. Clarinet. They would get up on the school stage and make an awful noise. I attended the professional musicians in the city orchestra and thought they were not that much better. I could follow the tunes and watch what each instrument brought to the party. The percussion section fascinated me. Most of the time they just stood around in the back but when the conductor pointed to them, they made some awesome racket. I wanted a drum kit even though I didn’t know if I had rhythm or not. Drums make a lot of noise so I was not encouraged to follow my dream. At the same time the popular music on the radio was transitioning from 40’s Big Band to Americana (or what was called ‘Hillbilly’ music). I learned a few chords on the upright piano at my grandmother’s house. I learned what an octave was. A piano or a drum was difficult to move so I picked up a guitar for the beach party sessions with my cousins. Being self-taught a wooden box with strings became my companion.

• Join a band.

Not being invited to join a team or the club, I found some people who could make some noise that sounded like what was on the radio. A band is a training session without a teacher. A band could be friends or complete strangers who goal is to make noise. If your noise is appreciated you get a following called ‘groupies’. Every band breaks up.

• Perform.

We all have to perform to get attention, until we are asked to get in front of the class and read. Everyone gets shy but this is a lesson that will help you become a speaker, politician, preacher, actor or rock and roll singer. I was embarrassed as anyone else to stand in front of the class and be humiliated. I learned to become someone else on stage plays. I learned how to communicated on stage in my band. I took classes in public speaking. I thought about becoming a preacher.

• Make a friend.

After being extracted from family and thrown into a mass of strangers called ‘students’ we seek out another person to pair up with for ‘buddy checks’, lunch mate, wingman and partner. When the similarities are more than differences, you can be my friend. Paling around with a friend you meet new friends. Hanging-out gives one a since of community. The group awareness is fun until that gender thing happens.

• Learn to game.

Now that you have friends, you need to find something to do together, thus the game. From board games like checkers or ‘Candyland’ to card games to a rollicking game of ‘touch’ football, a friend or friends could play the game. First, all games have rules. If you break the rules you lose the game. Second, there is only one winner. Everyone else is a loser. Organized games, called ‘sports’, were never my forte. Baseball was no good because I could see the ball. Basketball was too much running back and forth on a wood floor. Football was too rough so I was always chosen last for the team. I could swim and joined the country club swim team but had not strong stroke to accede. I was pretty good at golf but once I hit the ball off the tee I lost it in the clouds. Tennis I excelled. I was close enough to see the ball, there wasn’t too much running and all you had to do is swing a wooden racket and keep the ball within the white lines and over the net. It was the only game that scored with love.

• Grow hair long.

Going to the same barber every spring to get a choice of two haircuts (crew-cut or flattop) meant there was no reason to carry a comb. All the heartthrobs in the teen magazines had long slicked back hair. If not, you were a dweeb. When those mop tops from England came around parents reluctantly gave in to hair combed over the forehead. One could even be sent home for hair protruding over the back collar of a button down oxford. Too late, the cat was out of the bag.

• Ride a bicycle.

Walking everywhere was wearing out shoes, so I was given a bike. After the training wheels came off and I learned balance and propelling around the block, it became my mode of operandi. Driving a motor vehicle would come later.

• Water skiing vs. Sailing.

I was assigned to go to summer camp. It was a way to get me out of the house into a distant area with total strangers and no way out for a month. During this detention, kids were shown how to be dragged behind a motorboat standing on two boards. Trying to stand on the water, there was no way to chose a path except to hang on to a rope at the end of a speeding boat.

The other alternative was sailing. This required sitting on a surfboard with a pole in the middle and a single sail that could be raised and swayed back and forth to catch the wind. A centerboard could be lowered into the water to keep from drifting from side-to-side and a paddle attached to the rear for steering. When the wind stopped, sailing stopped. I not only learned the art of running-with-the-wind but also appreciate the environment on the water.

• Climb a mountain.

I never had this on my bucket list, but it happened. It wasn’t something I had ever thought to do, but after some peer pressure and chemical influence, I found myself with several others climbing a mountain in the middle of the night. Climbing a mountain, without any preparation or concern of the situation is not recommended. There was no thought of slipping off a rock and falling to our death or even worse, dropping the keys. If that was dumb enough, I did it twice. As you can see, I survived.

• Get an operation.

I had the same childhood maladies as everyone else. Eat too much and get a bellyache. Drink a bottle of Bourbon and get that hangover. Get a sore throat and get your tonsils cut out. Get bit by a dog and get sewn up. Fall out of a tree on your face and get sewn up. Throw up in school and get rushed to the hospital to get an emergency appendectomy before they burst and I would die. Now I avoid the ones in white lab coats because they just want to remove some of my body parts and charge me a bunch of money for it.

• Have a birthday party.

A birthday party is like Christmas day through the year. Everyone has a birthday. Everyone else gets an invitation to attend. That requires a birthday card and purchase of a present. Birthday parties required funny hats and balloons and decorations. The best part was a cake alights with candles that needed to be blown out before consumption. Through the years there are fewer and fewer birthday parties. The last one wins.

• Surf.

Surfing is like sailing but without the sail. A group would drag 10’ planks to the beach, wipe them with wax for grip, paddle out beyond the wave break, turn around and face the beach. Baking under the sun with legs dangling in the water (pre-Jaws) the group would bobble in the water waiting for the ‘perfect’ wave to come. Paddle fast then attempt to stand up on the board letting the wave push you to the sand. Oh what fun. Surfing also taught the lesson of barnacles.  

• Scuba diving vs. Skydiving

My North Carolina cousin who taught me surfing, also taught me how to ‘almost’ die. We swam in the ocean together, but he wanted to stay under water and took up scuba diving. He got some scuba tanks and some mask and some fins and we went out on the ocean in his motorboat (pre-driving age). He gave me a brief instruction on how to breath through the hose then put on a weight belt (to keep us from popping back up to the surface). Then I fell backwards off the edge of the boat and sank. And sank… to the bottom. My cousin swam down and helped me back to the surface. Seems the joke was I had too much weight on the belt.

My cousin also was learning how to fly a plane. To fly a plane you must learn how to use a parachute. So he invited me to take a flight and watch him jump out of a plane. Since I was tagging along, I also had to wear a parachute. A brief lesson on what to pull and how to bounce and roll when landing by the pilot and we packed into a single engine prop without a door. The pilot attached his passengers to a thin wire I assumed was to keep us in the plane and we were off. This was my first plane ride and I learned quickly I had acrophobia. After a few swoops and spins my cousin slid to the door. The pilot was screaming, the engine roaring and the wind was like a hurricane. My cousin fell out the door and I moved closer for a look. Then I was falling into space. Whether pushed or sucked out the door is left to dispute. There is a lot of time to see your future disappear before the jolt of the parachute opening. A parachute slows your drop but the ground comes up quickly. I rolled on the ground and started breathing again. I survived to the joy of my cousin (and pilot – who gave me a parachute jump metal).

• Learn politics.

Politics was always around but I never paid any attention. Politics seemed to be done by old white men leftovers from the confederacy smoking cigars on the top of the hill in Jefferson’s Greek cathedral. The buses ran and the stoplights changed and everyone accepted the status quo. My father made a living catering to these politicians but I never listened to discussions of the topics or editorials of the day. The first conflict with politics was the anti-war movement but this town was too conservative to notice. After college I did get into some political organizations and even lobbied on Capitol Hill. I paid my dues but was out numbered by the professionals. I always cast my vote participating in a democracy. I do not run for office of either federal or state or providence institutions. I do not count your votes or taxes. I do not recommend or decline public opinion on what should be learned in school or how the police should behave or the conditions of living for those in need. I obey the rules handed down by others. I pay my taxes. I pay for my trash to be removed as well as property tax, home insurance and medical care. I’m an obedient civilian. You are welcomed.

• Learn sex.

Puberty is an interesting time of life. The body does all sorts of puffing and hooting and the brain goes to places that have been unexplored. All those photos on the garage walls come to life. The schoolmates start to take a noticeable different attraction. There are no instructions and no one wants to talk about whatever is happening. One I knew took the aggressive act to find out what two bodies could do. I didn’t know what was going on but did not refuse to be her partner in this experiment. It is amazing what you can learn when you are just fumbling around. After some embarrassment and pride, you can never go back.

• Learn to drive.

Walking, biking and taking public transportation is fine, the goal of becoming 16 is getting a state approved automobile drivers license. I had two choices: a yellow Ford Galaxies ragtop with bucket seats or a green 65’ Mustang. The Mustang had power steering and both had automatic drive. My mother took me out to side roads where I could stop and start and turn left and turn right at a safe speed without distracting traffic. I read the state approved instructions, took the written test and drove around the block with some guy with a clipboard. I didn’t even have to parallel park. I sat in a plastic seat until my name was called and I was handed a playing card that stated I was approved to travel the roads in a metal mobile machine. My mother drove us home.

The access to one of the autos was rare and usually for me to drive to the store and pick up a quart of milk or loaf of bread. Being a teenager, I would wander. A group of friends would meet most nights at a little corner bistro for cheap 3.2 beer and hookups. Their parents had more expensive cars but the game was to see who could drive from a designation back to the bistro. A pair would rib up side-by-side and rip off down a dark (and hopefully abandoned) street through stop lights down dips and up hill and then a straight away to the finish line. In this quiet neighborhood, complaints brought the law to wait in ambush. After a few tickets for disobeying the speed limit, my father and I were requested a meeting with a judge to resolve this behavior.

I haven’t driven since.

• Get a girlfriend.

Swapping spit. Trading sweaters. Attending prom. All these events required a steady date called a ‘girlfriend’. That requires some commitment to pair together for others to acknowledge as a couple (not engaged or married) that will for a time is associated as partners. I could never find some lady who wanted to hang around with me so I had to get married. That didn’t turn out to be a girlfriend either.

• Learn to kiss.

Pressing lips was something every movie could show as an expression of love between two actors. The male would pound his face into hers. Sometimes there was the slow aggression onto the females face then fade to black so the audience wouldn’t get too excited. The dark access of a theater did give two participants a place to experiment. Fogging up windows at drive-ins and other backseat wrestling proved if the art of pressing lips was worth moving onto the next step or just smearing each other’s face with spit. The good ones experienced the joy of ‘making out’ for hours.

• Learn to drink.

Growing up (they say) is participating in the process of drinking concoctions that will make you silly or aggressive but mostly inebriated. Moderation will accomplish the requirement for social occasions but one drink is never enough. Unfortunately our species cannot live without some mind alteration. My alcohol training was at work related occasions when there were ‘open bars’. Through the roller coaster years I learned to drink. Burp!

• Learn to hangover.

All good things come to an end. The mighty grape and barley will take its toll on the body. All this distortions of time and reference to reality has consequences.

• Make a fool of you.

Everyone has that event or occurrence or happening viewed by others. Maybe it is a bad play on the football field or a stutter step dance move or some buffoonery that is so remarkable that will be remembered in the annals of time. Whatever the tomfoolery was, it will be described in great detail after you are gone.

• Take drugs.

The doctor gave you shots and there was no question of what was in the syringe. Later on people would hand you a piece of paper and say, “Swallow this” and we complied. Unknowingly we were putting chemicals into our body that would adjust our perception of wellness or reality. In college I took some psychology classes trying to find why we do what we do. I volunteered for a local medial experimental study to take a mind-altering drug and perform for the lab coats. I was also experimenting outside on my own with little results than time wasted and a dry mouth. Still I wouldn’t stop and will continue but always one foot in reality.

• Go to jail.

We’ll bypass this one. I was never in incarceration but I may have attended detention. Move on, there is nothing to see here.

• Graduate.

Education is the act of being informed and regurgitating the talking points back again. It took me years to figure out the game but in the end I won a piece of paper that moved me onto the next phase of life. Was I any smarter?  

• Get a job.

Everyone needs to eat. Everyone needs a place to sleep. Everyone needs dollars to procure these needs. To get dollars one has to ‘work’. Whether taught to perform a chore or learn-as-you-go, we follow someone else’s instructions to earn the almighty dollar. More dollar equals better grub. More dollar equals nicer housing in better neighborhoods. More dollar equals disposable income to purchase items that will eventually wind up in a yard sale. That is what it is all about.

• Acquire the reality of what you cannot do.

Everyone has some restrictions. Mine are simple. I can’t blow a bubble gum bubble. I can’t hula-hoop. I can’t spit a logy. I can’t do pull-ups. I can’t arm wrestle. I can’t master paddleball. I can get down, but get back up?

• Get married.

The next obvious move after finishing education and experimenting in the world is to find ‘the one’ to become the eternal partner with and have a big celebration with white dresses, all your friends, a big cake and maturity. Can’t have one without the other. That is what they say, until you find out signing a contract is not binding.

• Have children.

Seems the reason for signing a marriage contract is to legally produce offspring. After being persuaded by family and friends to hook up, the question came… “Where are the grandchildren?” It is the expected session of the process, but. Making a baby is great fun until it starts expanding then it is the mother’s load. After almost a year when the baby drops partners become burdened with another. Are you both ready to commit to years of sheltering, feeding, cleaning, clothing, schooling and finding forms of entertaining for this new person? 

• Get a pet.

Instead of producing and raising another person, there are varieties of other creatures that can be fed, walked, dressed and even sleep with.  

• Buy a house.

Everyone needs shelter. After your parents kick you out of their house you have a variety of choices. Sleep in your car (if you have a car), sleep on the couch of a friend’s, motels or renting an apartment. Available finances tend to decide your sleeping arrangements.

The goal of this game is to purchase a house. Shanty town or mansion, we all have to have an address to have the mail delivered.  

• Buy stuff.

With a job you get paid. With money you can buy stuff. The bigger the space, the more you can buy. A dinning room table fills a room. Lamps and tables and chairs are needed in every room. Big sofas for gatherings and a big screen TV are essential. Big bed and lots of covers and blankets and perhaps another TV are a must. The bathroom cannot just settle for a sink and tub and toilet, but plumbers will love you. The yard has enough utensils to require a separate storage container and electricity is required for outdoor lighting and surveillance cameras. Don’t look in the closet for every year or two the fashion changes and (as a consumer) you are required to upgrade your wardrobe without discarding your old wardrobe.

• Buy a car.

Mobility is a requirement in this country. The land is laced with concrete and asphalt so metal mobile machines can carry our groceries, clothing, children and provide exits for vacation get-a-ways. For this purpose, EVERYONE must purchase, fuel and maintain a vehicle to drive to the corner store or spend hours congested with others to get to work and park then reverse the transport until a new flashy model catches your eye. Having a car is the reason for garages.  

• Buy insurance.

Insurance is a scam (similar to religion). In hopes that if your car crashes or house burn down or you get sick, you pay a monthly premium to some company that promises that they will fix it all and make everything OK. Your parents said that too. Insurance is basically a savings account with hopes you don’t need to use it. What about ‘life’ insurance?

• Have an affair.

Our species are constantly on the prowl. We can (and do) make our proclamations of monogamist loyalty to another, but we have a wandering eye. At the same time, everyone knows when you cross the line.

• Learn to dream.

Everyone has some wish list. Dig a pool in the yard, but you’ll need to put up a fence to keep the neighbors out. Get a piano, but it makes a bunch of noise and takes up a lot of room and is heavy and even if you don’t figure it out once you try it again. Best to get that digital keyboard. Get a pinball machine. They were fun when there were free coins and time to practice, but they too take up a bit of space. Wouldn’t it be good to get a jukebox? An old Wurlitzer with flashing lights and a pile of 45s I already had. Could use it for a savings account instead of all those rack mounts with cassette players and CD players and Vinyl players and remotes and equalizers and compressors and speakers in every corner. What about a cola machine? Fill it with your favorite soda or some adult beverage cans accessed with a drop of a coin. Again it takes up space. Look about at your garage at all those appliances and utilities that are used for a few minutes and then take up space.

• Make a difference.

Join a community organization. Refurbish and detail that ‘57 Chevy that your grandfather drove to the levee. Learn a foreign language. Run for public servant office. Take up knitting. Start jogging. Volunteer.

• Get into debt.

It is said ‘Money makes the world go round’. Unfortunately not everyone is born rich, so that math calculations you learned in school needs to show you assess and deficits and if you were paying attention you will have enough greenbacks to cover you bills. If not, you get to pay ‘interest’ on your debt. That is just a way of the delaying you have been stealing.

• Get a divorce.

Breaking up is hard to do. Just like getting hitches, a divorce requires a testament of a relationship failure. Normally you need a lawyer and it can be costly.

• Take care of your parents.

Just like they took care of you for all those years, parents get old and someone needs to keep them fed, clothed, sheltered and entertained while awake. You didn’t read this on the back of your birth certificate.

• Become management.

Working is about making money. You do a chore and you get paid. You want more money; you do more chores. Someone called ‘management’ tells you what to do and when to do it and how much you will be paid for accomplishing the task to the approval of ‘management’. Then you move up the corporate ladder and get a title and an office and things are different on the other side.  

• Learn the computer.

Much of growing up was mechanical physical labor. Some smart folks created machines that could do multiple calculations to figure where an artillery shell would land. Better than the abacus, the hand held adding machine turned into a room full of technology that keep track of your salary and taxes. Then some hippies stopped playing guitars in their garages and miniaturized what is now in your hand.   

• Learn to think.

Through the years, we are instructed to follow a task and understand the consequences there of. Then we start to ‘think’ for ourselves. We explore libraries and discuss ideas with others and start to make conclusions that apply to beliefs and opinions you agree with.

• Learn to write.

Hopefully the public education process taught you how to scribble on a piece of paper and connect letters into words into sentences that get a message apart. Write a letter, put it in an envelope, lick a stamp and mail it to another address. See what happens.

• Learn to relax.

Maybe age or wisdom there is no need to be some impassionate about being stressed. They even have ‘time-out’ in sports.  

• Attend a funeral.

People die. Our species have arrangement to dispose of the body. They call them funerals. It is time for remembrance from the living and a ceremony for grief. In elementary school I attended my first funeral. It was a friend of mine who drowned while we were swimming together. All my classmates attended in their Sunday finery. We have our own line of pews behind the adults. It was solemn. There was Jack all laid out in a fancy box while ministers tried to find something to say about his brief life. The little girls who cried around me didn’t know why.

• Kill.

If you think this is abhorrent, remember that roach you squashed on the floor? How about your neighbor grazing peacefully in your crosshairs while you decide when you want to squeeze the trigger?

• Learn to save money.

After finding out what debt is, calculating your ‘needs’ and ‘wants’ to what is really necessary is called savings. It is a skill not everyone learns but it makes life easier to have a few bills in your wallet.

• Take time to ponder.

Reflect. Go through photo albums and remember what that coat felt like or that smell of that shirt. Remember the moment that camera clicked and what preceded it and what followed. Your visions of memories are all you have left.  

• Learn to die

These instructions are not on the back of your birth certificate. There is no timeline of when the venture called “Life” ends. There are certain preparations to take to provide for those left behind but sometimes… The last time you say ‘Good Bye’ might be the last time. Settle your affairs.

 

We all have dreams and desires. Some might reach fruition.