That Extra Day

What did you do for the Leap Year Day? It is the extra day that only comes around every four years. It is the one-day that gets all the other days in order.

After a night of three hour naps, the sun arrived and knocked me out of a dream of trying to do a layout (an ancient art) and up for some OJ, toast and a cup of Joe.

There were plans made in the restless tumble called sleep last night.

The weather said it was cold, so another layer was applied. Pick up all the checks written for February that were mostly January bills. A bit more than normal but there was the cost of a new stereo and home insurance, both necessary.

The pony was reluctant to face into the wind so I tried to find side trips hiding behind houses. Some would call it a workout. I just call it getting from Point A to Point B.

The sun was shining but the wind reminded me it was still winter. Made it to the mailbox and noticed there was more traffic than usual. That’s right, it is Leap Day.

The trip up the hill to the post office was a churn between the traffic and the wind. Took my envelopes in to be weighted and get a couple books of stamps. The postal lady was most pleasant and had a nice conversation without a waiting line. Out goes the VHS tapes to parts unknown and forgot to check on tax forms. The doggie in the car with the alarm going off distracted me.

Walked up to the toy store (hardware) noticing new buildings and new names to old familiar sites. The old middle school across the street that had been discussed about changing for years is now under construction. Half the building is gone and there is a multi-layered parking lot in the back. Progress they say.

Venture into the toy store and found everything I was looking for. I could have probably gotten more but my hands were full. The customers seemed glum as is normal in this area of town, but cashier was more than customer service and it was a pleasant experience.

Walked the pony down a couple of blocks knowing what Saturday traffic is like and I wanted to survive this adventure. Age has taught me some advantage to continue in this life.

Went by an old friend’s house and noticed his ramp in the front yard was gone. Got back into my usual lane and fought the wind to my arrival and lockup.

A detour to the local sandwich shop to use the coupon or gift card or whatever they call it that a neighbor gave me for Christmas. Even there as I stared at the not too familiar board of selections, the cashier came over to assist. I made my order with my constant banter and got processed. Still the vibe was good. Not too crowded or rushed. Even the cute girl presenting me with the two subs was nice.

Have you noticed that I’m having a good day?

Back to the pony locked up to a trashcan as so to not blow over in the wind, cover my consumables of the day so far and grab my Scan-Grab-& Go bag. Got the last zip cart and found a scanner that worked to venture into the Tummy Temple. Like the traffic outside, it was crowded with folks looking for grub. Didn’t need any produce (due to the fasting in the yard) and moved to the frozen section. There were few familiar faces but more looking up at the directional signs. Going into a big room trying to find something is like going into a train station or an airport or DMV. That is unless you know where everything is because you come here everyday.

Got some burritos out of curiosity, refreshed the OJ bottle, then wrapped back to the alcohol aisle. Stopped to salute and chat with Capt. Westly before taking a left turn down the display of glass bottle of many shapes and sizes and names.

Again I was disappointed that my usual tall silver bullets were not there. Deciding the best alternative would be Corona Extra with extra small bottles. Maybe I can catch the virus? The President says there is no problem?

Then I hear the rumble of the beer cart being pushed by the pretty girl. I ask her if she has any Coors (which I know she does). She unplugs her ear pod and points to a case. She informs me that the tall cans are not available at the present time at this location. We chat for a moment and end with an appreciation of the conversation and a smile. Off to get some lime.

The ‘easy go’ section seemed to be confusion with the mass of congregation who amassed at this time. I find a screen that said, “OPEN” and pointed my scanner. The usual screen appears and I pressed the usual button waiting for “Help is on the way”. Red vest Elliss showed up doing her magic helping out the old man with a smile and some cute comments.

Back in the shelter from the wind, taste the hydration and listen to the next-door-next-door neighbors gathering in the backyard enjoying the sunshine and bundled from the chill.

The buds are showing up on the trees and the weather says it will be in the 70s soon. I look out the window at the rats searching for food that is not there after I tore off their roof. It is just another project for another day.

So what is about this extra day?

Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday is all the same now. Christmas is the same as Columbus Day. So what makes leap year day any different?

Some years ago, far, far away, there was a girl who I know for a brief period of time but made an impression on me. It was worth a chapter in a book. I sent her a birthday card and was shamed by not knowing it was on ‘leaf year day’.

So when February 29 comes around I’ll think about those who have birthdays every four years. She must be about seventeen or eighteen now.

Business Plan

There are many things I do not understand, but this electric scooter business plan just doesn’t make any sense to me.

From what I’ve read, you can rent a scooter (using your smartphone of course) by downloading an app. A scooter can be located (online) and paid for ($1 fee, the 15¢ per minute of use).

Under the rules, riders can operate the dockless vehicles only between 5 a.m. and 9 p.m. They aren’t allowed to drive the vehicles on sidewalks, only in the street or in bike lanes. The vehicles cannot exceed 15 mph.

Dockless scooters and bicycles have cropped up in cities across the country as an alternative to popular ride-hailing services for people looking to travel short distances.

OK, I like the idea of reducing use of carbon-fueled vehicles, but is this just the latest ‘hip’ trend? Didn’t we try this with the Segway?

What happens when the battery runs out? From my understanding, these scooters have a GPS so employees can locate them (or track them). I suppose someone with a truck has to drive around town and pick these scooters up, take them back to an operational center to repair and recharge?

If a scooter isn’t anywhere near where you are or where you want to go, what are your options? Will the scooter come to you? Or will you just have to hoof it?

What is the insurance risk for any Jim or Jane Doe hopping aboard one of these moving platforms and zipping down the road into traffic? Does a helmet come with the scooter? What about elbow pads and knee pads? Is there a test to see if the rider/driver/scooter operator is capable to maintain an electric scooter? Should they have a license?

I was never very good pushing a scooter. I also was not good at roller-skating or ice-skating, pogo sticks or skateboards. I guess I don’t have good balance? I could handle a surfboard but if I fell, I just splashed in the water.

So as an investor, what is the business plan? Provide alternative transportation for office workers going to lunch or a business meeting without calling Uber or taking public transportation? Is it a hip cheap trend for a student to ride and then leave it on the side of the road? What happens when it rains? Or snows?

I’ve seen a few of these electric scooters in the neighborhood. I’ve also seen joggers, bikers, skateboarders and even an unicyclist. There have been horses and even an antique fire truck, but these scooters don’t seem as popular around here. Still the 4-wheelers fill the pavements.

I myself ride a two-wheeler. I’ve ridden everyday for the past six decades. With some luck I’ll ride again tomorrow. It is not electric so I have to work at making it move. There is a mirror, a helmet, and lights. I ride in the day between the hours of 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. I ride on side streets and pull to the side for traffic. Plus I get to sit down instead of standing up the whole journey.

There are electric bikes but I wonder why ride a bike if you don’t want a workout?

Those boardwalk bikes that can be rented during the summer seem pretty similar. I’ve never rented one so I thought you just paid $$$ and rode down the boardwalk on a slow clunky single gear w/no brakes until you got tired of the novelty and rode it back to the shop. I doubt many were tested on the beach because two-wheelers don’t work well in the sand. How many were lost in the ocean? Salt air is tough on bikes. These shops also rent beach umbrellas and inflatable rafts. Perhaps their business plan is to make a profit off the cheesy t-shirts for the summer months then live off of beans until the weather warms up again?

As the population grows older, perhaps this is the ‘electric scooter’ of the future?

Stay Away From Me!

Pandemic (from Greek πᾶν pan “all” and δῆμος demos “people”) is an epidemic of disease that has spread across a large region; for instance multiple continents, or even worldwide. A widespread endemic disease that is stable in terms of how many people are getting sick from it is not a pandemic.

Further, flu pandemics generally exclude recurrences of seasonal flu.

One of the most devastating pandemics was the Black Death, which killed an estimated 75 - 200 million people in the 14th century.

Some recent pandemics include: HIV, Spanish flu, 2009 flu pandemic and H1N1.

Pandemics are invisible. People can walk around looking healthy with an occasional cough or sneeze.

To stop a pandemic is to isolate those who are infected from the rest of the population. Force the sick into detention camps and quarantine.

The propaganda will warn the public of the horrible effects of the pandemic. The results are fear and panic.

 Who is that person? Are they sick? They look unhealthy. They don’t look like me.

Keep them away.

The people who are put into a restricted area without the freedom to talk to another or walk down the block or leave the room may understand the situation, but after awhile.

Even dying people want family around.

When barriers don’t restrain those inside physical force will be used to maintain a state, period, or place of isolation in which people or animals that have arrived from elsewhere or been exposed to infectious or contagious disease are placed.

If the people are not like me, if they come from someplace else, if they don’t speak my language, if they look different from me should they also be quarantined?

Did it work for the Jews in Germany? Did it work for Indigenous People in the Wild West? Did it work for the Blacks in America?

What better way to invade another country?

Find a diverse community, bring in some new people (suicide bombers without a dynamite vest) who blend into everyday life, give those new people a highly toxic communal virus and let them wander into office buildings, schools, restaurants, sports events, festivals, army bases or anywhere people gather and spread the life threatening disease through a cough or a sneeze. How long would it take for the medical experts to diagnosis the symptoms and create a cure?

Once the fear starts, people will want to isolate themselves from others to stay healthy. Socialization could still be done online but when the cupboards go bare, who will bravely venture out to the grocery? What if the schools are locked down or the DMV is locked down or the grocery store is locked down to keep from getting contaminated? What if your job is locked down? Is it worth the risk to go fill up your car?

  Influenza, commonly known as “the flu”, is an infectious disease caused by an influenza virus. Symptoms can be mild to severe. The most common symptoms include: high fever, runny nose, sore throat, muscle and joint pain, headache, coughing, and feeling tired. These symptoms typically begin two days after exposure to the virus and most last less than a week. The cough, however, may last for more than two weeks. In children, there may be diarrhea and vomiting, but these are not common in adults. Diarrhea and vomiting occur more commonly in gastroenteritis, which is an unrelated disease and sometimes inaccurately referred to as “stomach flu” or the “24-hour flu”. Complications of influenza may include viral pneumonia, secondary bacterial pneumonia, sinus infections, and worsening of previous health problems such as asthma or heart failure.

  Three of the four types of influenza viruses affect humans: Type A, Type B, and Type C. Type D has not been known to infect humans, but is believed to have the potential to do so. Usually, the virus is spread through the air from coughs or sneezes. This is believed to occur mostly over relatively short distances. It can also be spread by touching surfaces contaminated by the virus and then touching the eyes, nose, or mouth. A person may be infectious to others both before and during the time they are showing symptoms. The infection may be confirmed by testing the throat, sputum, or nose for the virus. A number of rapid tests are available; however, people may still have the infection even if the results are negative. A type of polymerase chain reaction that detects the virus’s RNA is more accurate.

  Frequent hand washing reduces the risk of viral spread. Wearing a surgical mask is also useful. Yearly vaccinations against influenza are recommended by the World Health Organization (WHO) for those at high risk, and by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) for those six months of age and older. The vaccine is usually effective against three or four types of influenza. It is usually well tolerated. A vaccine made for one year may not be useful in the following year, since the virus evolves rapidly. Antiviral drugs such as the neuraminidase inhibitor oseltamivir, among others, have been used to treat influenza. The benefits of antiviral drugs in those who are otherwise healthy do not appear to be greater than their risks. No benefit has been found in those with other health problems.

  Influenza spreads around the world in yearly outbreaks, resulting in about three to five million cases of severe illness and about 290,000 to 650,000 deaths. About 20% of unvaccinated children and 10% of unvaccinated adults are infected each year. In the northern and southern parts of the world, outbreaks occur mainly in the winter, while around the equator, outbreaks may occur at any time of the year. Death occurs mostly in high-risk groups—the young, the old, and those with other health problems. Larger outbreaks known as pandemics are less frequent. In the 20th century, three influenza pandemics occurred: Spanish influenza in 1918 (17–100 million deaths), Asian influenza in 1957 (two million deaths), and Hong Kong influenza in 1968 (one million deaths). The World Health Organization declared an outbreak of a new type of influenza A/H1N1 to be a pandemic in June 2009. Influenza may also affect other animals, including pigs, horses, and birds.

Flu can directly lead to death when the virus triggers severe inflammation in the lungs. When this happens, it can cause rapid respiratory failure because your lungs can't transport enough oxygen into the rest of your body.

The bacteria from that infection can get into your bloodstream and cause sepsis, as well

Sepsis is the body’s extreme response to an infection. It is a life-threatening medical emergency.

Sepsis happens when an infection you already have —in your skin, lungs, urinary tract, or somewhere else—triggers a chain reaction throughout your body.

Without timely treatment, sepsis can rapidly lead to tissue damage, organ failure, and death.

While the impact of flu varies, it places a substantial burden on the health of people in the United States each year. CDC estimates that influenza has resulted in between 9 million – 45 million illnesses, between 140,000 – 810,000 hospitalizations and between 12,000 – 61,000 deaths annually since 2010.

Many illnesses spread through contact transmission. Examples are chicken pox, common cold, conjunctivitis (Pink Eye), Hepatitis A and B, herpes simplex (cold sores), influenza, measles, mononucleosis, Fifth disease, pertussis, adeno/rhino viruses, Neisseria meningitidis and mycoplasma pneumoniae.

Don’t forget to wash your hands. You might catch something.

It’s Not Your Life

There is so much talk today about suicide. Opioid addiction, mental illness, PTSD, and many other excuses have been used for one to take their own life.

Seems a simple act but it can take forever to accomplish. When life is too tough, for whatever reasons, the only solution is to end it.

The methods can be a simple overdose or a messy shot to the head. I’m sure there are all sorts of data on how people kill themselves and plenty of opinions of ‘why’ it happened.

For all those miserable times in life there are organizations, groups and a library of books and pamphlets to assist and help with whatever reason. All are well meaning and have volunteers and professionals caregivers who will listen and offer solutions as long as the funding last.

We are all committing suicide everyday.

We create stress for ourselves by not paying our bills on time or over extending our credit cards. We create a family we cannot handle. We drive too fast. We drink too much. We binge watch movies on a soft sofa instead of taking the dog for a walk. We take fist full of pills to ease a pain that won’t go away. We over extend ourselves. We do not communicate.

Everyday we are abusing ourselves chipping away those minutes or hours or days that would make our time on this planet longer. Is this how we cope with life?

Do children commit suicide? They don’t have enough experience to be emotionally distressed. Do animals commit suicide? Do plants commit suicide?

There is no instruction manual to life. There is no Q&A page to turn to if your marriage is breaking up. There are no sober friends than can tell you how to go straight. They have no experience to compare. There are always some unknown situation that wrecks the daily plan with detours and wrong turns and ultimately dead ends.

I’ve known people who committed suicide. It didn’t matter the reason or the method they couldn’t handle life.

I’ve had as many heartbreaks and financial mistakes as anyone else. I’ve been close to the edge but never considered ending this journey. I’ve had the same opportunities to paraphernalia and substances that could have ended but somehow came out on the other side.

So as we now practice yoga, jog, proper eating, plenty of sleep and feel life is in control, the air and water is more polluted, the nightly news causes heart palpitations, social media raises the blood pressure and there is easy accessibility to deadly weapons.

Suicide is committing murder but whom do you charge?

NIMBY

Not In My Back Yard. It’s a ‘thing’. Don’t know if it is a ‘good thing’ or a ‘bad thing’ or a ‘privilege thing’ or ‘a greedy thing’… but it is a ‘thing’.

When people wanted to flee the inter-city congestion, suburbia was invented. Single-family homes placed on similar grids of land for the conformity of the after-war propaganda.

Every house was the same, the lawns were the same, and the driveways were the same. On Saturday the lawns were mowed before the golf game and on Sunday (after church service) backyard barbeques filled the air with smoke. People knew their neighbors and everyone got along.

Then people moved and strangers moved in and paranoid privacy put up wooden fences. Children could still play in the shelter of a boxed in environment and dogs became more common.

The open land became walled off cubicles.

Not everyone had enough acreage to construct a golf course but swimming pools were installed. Wooden decks and brick patios held grills and benches and hot tubs. Some planted gardens or trees and some kept the wide-open green patch of lawn.

During the waking hours the children were off to school and the parents off to work or chores and the entire street and all the houses and all the yards were barren. At the bewitching hour, everyone would reassemble and shelter in place until the sunrise.

When a house is purchased, it is not just a building but also a plot of land. The fore founders farmers bought the land and then built a house, but this is suburbia.

The nightly news reports how many people are living on the streets. They are living under bridges or in patches out of the way of wandering eyes. They do not have antique memories or family legacies or doors that lock. When it rains, they get wet. When it is hot, they will sweat. When it gets cold they will shiver as all the rest of us sit warmly changing the channel to some silly waste of time, while we drink our wine…. Is this a crime?

Maybe this is what culture makes us, the ‘haves’ and the ‘have not’s’? Is it the privilege to wash and wax our cars then ride to a local dining establishment to devour more food than some people eat in a week and leave a tip like we are donating to a noble cause while others are scraping by begging for money or riding a bus all night for a safe place to sleep and stay warm?

The neighbors discuss their disgust over the problem of ‘homelessness’ over their fences. Some throw money at it so someone else can take care of it. Others just want the solution to go away like the weekly trash removal or the public housing reservations.

Who likes to see you eat?

We must like to watch each other eat. We spend much of our time dining together. We prepare food to place on a table for all to gather and munch down.

We gorge ourselves with family gatherings, weddings, holidays, sports events or any other good excuse we can think of. The plates and forks and spoons are divided for each and every consumer. The meals can be prepared on the spot or catered. If one dines at the White House there are burgers and fries from McDonalds.

We gather together to talk, but you can talk with your mouth full of food. Chomping on a chicken leg while trying to laugh at a joke could cause the need for a hydride maneuver. Spitting chucks of your meal across the table will not endue you to your neighbors. Trying to finish the story while slurping spaghetti will just drool sauce down your chin.

The true adventures are the stand-up lawn parties holding your plate and wine glass while talking as other walk about. The food will get cold, trying to juggle the plate and glass and finger pick a few pieces of cheese or a bit of celery hopefully not spilling the entire mess onto the grass for a embarrassing story for others to share.

If the idea is to sit and eat, then gulp everything down quick so you can have a conversation after wiping your face? If the idea is just to eat and not talk, why not stay home?

Since the polite sit-down dinner has quiet chats over the Hors d’oeuvres and candles, wait staff will deliver and remove full plates never touched. These meals are not about eating but being included in the invitation.

The casual get together will cause basic manners and leave pizza box stains on your sofa and empty beer cans under the bed.

The next time you wander out into a dining establishment with (or without) others, take a moment and what the other patron chowing down.

We should probably only eat alone.

Living In Someone Else’s House

Unless you designed and built your house, you live in someone else’s house. Someone else lived there before you and someone else will live there after you’ve moved on.

You might change the lightening fixtures or change the color of the walls. You might change the shutters and curtains and put down new carpets. You might put up different shower curtains, add new appliances, or even do some landscaping.

The kitchen counters can be upgraded and the bathroom remodeled. The bedrooms might move some furniture or place a television on a wall. Nik-naks can be scattered about with pillows to give a building a lived in feeling and a personality.

Then you change jobs or get evicted and move out. The sofa and chairs and tables and nik-naks can go with you but not the toilet or kitchen cabinets or countertops.

Walls and lighting show age of the house. Cracks can be patched and antique electrical and plumbing and HVAC can be replaced as the demands of the house changes.

It seems in the gentrification of this village, the solution is to demolish the old and rebuild from scratch. So go all the memories to the trash pile.

Passing by old barns and building on the side of the road that have been abandoned and are dilapidated fascinate our imagination of the people who once lived there. The babies who were born upstairs, the stories told on the porch on a hot summer day, the gatherings of family after worship service with a warm kitchen and smell of communal cooking.

 According to legal documents from Christian, House, Benedetti and Lubman, a notarized statement Blanche S. Byrdsong, widow was hereinafter designated Grantor and I was hereinafter designated Grantee.

Who was Blanche S. Byrdsong? Who was she a widow of? Did she live in the house when it was built? Where those kids in the house her children or grandchildren or family at all? Where did she come from? Where did she go?

When this building and plot of land is signed over to another Grantee, will they be concerned about who lived here? The walls know the stories but do not tell tales.

What do I do with these?

VHS (short for Video Home System) is a standard for consumer-level analog video recording on tape cassettes. Developed by Victor Company of Japan (JVC) in the early 1970s, it was released in Japan on September 9, 1976, and in the United States on August 23, 1977.

If you remember these were the format to rent movies before DVDs and streaming. One could go down to the Blockbuster and pick out a few VHS movies to watch then return putting them into a post office style box. They were the library of old movies and those who had just passed the theatre viewings. You even got a membership card.

These were the analog reproductions of movies once seen on the big screen but now can be reviewed in your home television. While cable was competing for attention, VHS tapes could be played and replayed anytime you wanted.

Of course you had to have a VHS player machine with a remote to fast-forward, pause and rewind. The quality wasn’t remarkable but tolerable depending how many copies were made. The image would start breaking up when the tape was getting thin from Sharon Stone crossing her legs in ‘Basic Instincts’ or Jamie Lee Curtis striptease in ‘True Lies’.

Cameras the size of shoulder held news photographers were the first portable personal movie recording devices (other than reel-to-reel tape machines). Zoom lens and sound made any common want-to-be a moviemaker.

This was the age of 8-track tapes. This was the age of cassette tapes to dub vinyl to mix-tapes for your girlfriend.

Once digital reproduction arrived all the analog and tape were old fashion and replaced with CDs and DVDs. That meant buying a new recorder and player.

The point is I have these old VHS tapes. I still have a VHS/DVD player and watched them (after some dusting off). I’d had them duped to DVD some years ago but wanted to see if the ancient technology still worked.

Then I tried to find someone I could share these treasures with. After many request of anyone who could view VHS tapes the realization of antiques.

At some point in time, I’d had many copies and original VHS tapes but they were worn out or broken or just discarded.

My brother said he would take them as historical relics and try to watch on a borrowed machine. Still these are a decade documentary of land refurbished and what would become ‘Puppywoods’.

While many have photo albums or videos of children growing up, this is the land I live in growing up.

I flunked Vacation Bible School

It is not something to be proud of, but stuff happens growing up.

The Bible (from Koine Greek τὰ βιβλία, tà biblía, ‘the books’) is a collection of sacred texts or scriptures.

Varying parts of the Bible are considered to be a product of divine inspiration and a record of the relationship between God and humans by Christians, Jews, Samaritans, and Rastafarian.

The Bible appears in the form of an anthology, compiling texts of a variety of forms that are all linked by the belief that they collectively contain the word of God. These texts include theologically embellished historical accounts, hymns, allegorical erotica, parables, and didactic letters.

Those books included in the Bible by a tradition or groups are called canonical, indicating that the tradition/group views the collection as the true representation of God’s word and will. A number of Biblical canons have evolved, with overlapping and diverging contents from denomination to denomination.

The Hebrew Bible overlaps with the Greek Septuagint and the Christian Old Testament. The Christian New Testament is a collection of writings by early Christians, believed to be mostly Jewish Disciples of Christ, written in first-century Koine Greek.

Among Christian denominations there is some disagreement about what should be included in the canon, primarily about the biblical apocrypha, a list of works that are regarded with varying levels of respect.

Attitudes towards the Bible also differ among Christian groups. Roman Catholics, high church Anglicans, Methodists and Eastern Orthodox Christians stress the harmony and importance of both the Bible and sacred tradition, while many Protestant churches focus on the idea of sola scriptura, or scripture alone. This concept arose during the Reformation, and many denominations today support the use of the Bible as the only infallible source of Christian teaching. Others though, advance the concept of prima scriptura in contrast.

The Bible has been a massive influence on literature and history, especially in the Western world, where the Gutenberg Bible was the first book printed using movable type.

According to the March 2007 edition of ‘Time’, the Bible “has done more to shape literature, history, entertainment, and culture than any book ever written. Its influence on world history is unparalleled, and shows no signs of abating.”

With estimated total sales of over 5 billion copies, it is widely considered to be the most influential and best-selling book of all time. As of the 2000s, it sells approximately 100 million copies annually.

Vacation Bible School was two weeks in the summer (as I remember). It may have been longer? Kids from my Sunday school class would go into a basement room at the church, listen to adults read scriptures and passages and try to explain what the words meant. Then we would have milk and cookies before more religious propaganda.

There were no written test and at the end we all were given some diploma that our parents could put up on the refrigerator.

The reason I say I ‘flunked’ was I would raise my hand and ask questions. Questions that couldn’t be answered without a discussion. Vacation Bible School was not a place for discussion.

Any teacher knows if they get boxed in they can skip over the question and move around it, distract the class with another story to keep the other kids interest or place the troublemaker in the corner with a cone on his head.

I attended church every Sunday. It was a family ritual. I’d get up and brush my teeth but instead of putting on my ‘school clothes’ I’d put on my ‘Go To Meeting’ fancy suit and shiny shoes and clip on tie.

We’d go to the early morning service, sit in the same pew in the balcony just left of the pulpit and the choir. We’d sing the ‘Doxology’ and say the ‘Lord’s Prayer’, listen to the pipe organ, hear the announcements and then sit through the sermon.

To keep me quiet, my mother would give me 3x5 cards and golf pencils to draw with until the service was over.

After the service, I’d go off to ‘Sunday School’ or ‘Bible Study Class’ or whatever they called it and sit for an hour singing songs, listening to stories and basically biding our time until the bell rang and we could go back to meet our parents.

Church didn’t bother me. It was an institution of order. Everyone looked like me. It was just a big meetinghouse where everyone dressed up and acted polite.

We had a bible in the house. I think it was beside my parent’s bed under a pile of Reader’s Digest. As I recall it wasn’t a family heirloom but just an old dusty black book rarely looked at by the kids.

My family would say prayers before eating and before climbing into bed. Again it was a repetition of a script with little meaning.

Church was a part of my growing up. I joined the choir. I joined the boy scouts through the church. I was baptized in the big pool behind the choir. I was an usher. My brother got married in our church by our pastor. I even ran a youth center ‘coffee house’ on weekends.

I haven’t read the Bible from start to finish but I get the gist of most of the stories. That David dude took out a giant with a slingshot. Some old guy with a magic wand could part the sea. The stories were mostly about what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’ and if you don’t follow ‘the word’ you will burn for eternity (which doesn’t sound like a preferable legacy).

Unlike court, sins could be forgiven. Do a sin then say you are sorry and you are back on track. From what was written in the Bible, there are lots of sins to be had.

Like the civil laws, the ones written in the Bible sounded good but were rarely followed. Even after all the holier-than-now feelings were shared, Bigotry and Racism and Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Pride and a few others that cannot be discussed in proper circles rose their ugly little heads of everyday life.

Some of my schoolyard buddies did not go to the same church. There churches had different names and different teachings of what ‘religion’ was. I went to several services in other congregations. Some were very formal, some spoke different languages and some were free-for-all emotional expression.

Each seemed to have a different interpretation of the prophet Jesus. In our book he was some young hippy guy doing good stuff until he got in trouble with the authorities. It was probably his long hair.

So between Boy Scout jamborees, summer school to make up previous year’s educational failings, country club golf, tennis, horseback riding, swimming and sailing camp, my parents found a way to keep me occupied through the summer break from public school.

I stopped attending church services in college. I didn’t mind the ceremony or the people or the teachings but didn’t like the hypocrisy.

I guess I flunked Vacation Bible School?

Drinking

There was a time when the first question at a party was “What are you drinking?”

A leftover from prohibition it was a cultural belief that everyone must drink alcohol. Every house had a bar and a stash of liquors to entertain guest. Clubs had bartenders to prepare the concoctions while the local pub just delivered from the tap.

Colleges had keg parties and getting wasted was a trial of passage. There was no excuse to bypass an invitation to get woozy without becoming unpopular.

Before the ‘blue laws’ were reversed, a pre-purchased bottle of spirits had to be brought into an established covered in a brown bag to be enjoyed with the evening. The ABC laws also closed down the sales of alcohol on Sunday. They did not control the consumption.

Alcohol is a depressant, which in low doses causes euphoria, reduces anxiety, and improves sociability. In higher doses, it causes drunkenness, stupor, unconsciousness, or death. Long-term use can lead to alcohol abuse, cancer, physical dependence, and alcoholism.

Alcohol is one of the most widely used recreational drugs in the world, with about 33% of people being current drinkers. As of 2016, women on average drink 0.7 drinks and males 1.7 drinks a day.

In 2015, among Americans, 86% of adults had consumed alcohol at some point, 70% had drunk it in the last year, and 56% in the last month. Alcoholic drinks are typically divided into three classes—beers, wines, and spirits—and typically their alcohol content is between 3% and 50%.

Discovery of late Stone Age jugs suggest that intentionally fermented drinks existed at least as early as the Neolithic period (cir. 10,000 BC). Many animals also consume alcohol when given the opportunity and are affected in much the same way as humans, although humans are the only species known to produce alcoholic drinks intentionally.

Drinking was one of the Middle America suburban rituals the rebellious youth wanted to revolt against in the 60’s. Whatever your parents did was old fashioned and must be changed.

As we grew our hair long and wore yesterday’s clothing sitting around a telephone wire cable reel wooden table lighting a candle (always have a candle) and dividing up dry weed into paper cylinders to forget our woes (just like our folks).

The drug of choice became a technical conversation just as our father’s had compared Jack Daniels or Johnny Walker. Some of it was sales talk and some was proudest of substance abuse survival.

There was still plenty of Rolling Rock and PBR to go around but finances restrained the bar. Wine tasting was restricted to Boones Farm and Ripple.

Today our species want to get ‘loopy’. You see red solo cups at every NASCAR race, rock concert, and business conferences, holiday even and church social.

I am not a teetotaler. I’ve had my share of ‘fall down and can’t remember how I got here’ moments. I do know some history of wine but could not make you a Manhattan if my life depended on it. My current bowery consists of 12- silver cans and no more. The occasional visit to the corner brewery is a taste test and nothing more.

Whatever the laws and culture conflict, we will drink. We will drink in public. We will drive drunk. We will excuse our actions as addiction.

There will be more who vow prohibition and those who will preach abstinence but the booze continues to flow. Moonshine runners or Clydesdales carts will stock our grocery shelves with temptations for entertaining guest.

“What are you drinking?”

Last call

Outside Voice

There was a time when you saw a person walking along and talking out loud and there was no one else walking with them and unless they were handing out pamphlets or food samples or trying to get you into the side show, you kept your distance because they were ‘crazy’.

Now people are just walking around carrying on a conversation with the air until you notice they have a wire in their ear. Still keep your distance for they are ‘crazy’ too.

No one wants to hear your conversation, whether it is on the cell or in a restaurant or airplane or church (unless you are nosey).

Before all our technology allowed us to immediate tweet a thought or speak to a face time screen to someone on the other side of the globe, to talk to another person had to be face-to-face.

Sure there were written letters with romantic thoughts and family secrets including the occasional photograph but it took days, weeks or months to get a return response. By the time the recipient responded the writer forgot what the letter was all about.

The telephone was a wonderful invention. Instead of sending dots and dashed, two people could talk to each other on the other side of the valley. The problem is the other person had to be home and pick up the receiver when it rang.

The reason I bring this up is what do you say when it is quiet?

If you partner is out or the children have left home or you have just come back from a wake, the house is quiet. Silent. Stand still and there is no sound.

We have become accustomed to turning on distracting electronic devices to fill the void of silence. Even our appliances make noise. We bring home animals to distract us from the inevitable quiet that someday will be our last.

Living alone I can decide to make noise or sit in the quiet. Both have their purpose. Put on an LP or CD at any time of day or night and blast the speakers or enjoy the headphones without bothering the neighbors. Then again turn off all the electronics and be aware fully of the no noise.

Some call it meditation. I just call it quiet time. In the summer I enjoy rocking on the porch after all the motor machines are shut down and everyone have vacated the outside world. Some nights it is listening to music through headphones. Some nights it is quietly playing the guitar. Some night is just the sound of my rocker blending with the surroundings.

If you listen there is a rustle of leaves over there, which raises the curtain an opossum train out for a nightly walk. You can hear the conversation of the birds saying ‘Good-night’ to each other until the morning wake-up call. Even the tree sing with a dance in the breeze. Pay attention.

Having no one else to talk to or discuss thoughts or review a reading can be isolation of the mind. That is why this blog is part journal and part conversation.

When you hear something funny you should laugh out loud. I purposely had at least one good laugh each day. Something will hit my funny bone and I let out a good laugh. Sometimes it brings tears.

Then I say, “That was the chuckle for today.”

I say it with my outside voice even though there is no one else to hear it.

I have been correctly trained to be ‘seen and not heard’ so I’m polite in public not to say the things I’m thinking, but back home, alone, I can say whatever I want.

I make certain sounds when I walk through the yard. This is just a warning sound to those who live here that I’m joining them. Then I welcome each and everyone as they arrive for the daily buffet. Remember this is my ‘outside voice’.

Why do I do this?

Maybe it is just to hear my own voice? I’m sure there is a psychological terminology for this ‘outside voice’ speaking to one’s self. There is probably a medical diagnosis for mental illness, but I’m not bothering any body.

Just like you talk to your pet, I welcome the pups in the neighborhood and they recognize my voice and come running. Maybe it is my attention I give them? Maybe it’s because I bring treats?

If talking to one’s self out loud is not socially acceptable, so be it.

I also play air guitar and sound out bass lines to whatever song is playing

Love Day at the Tummy Temple

Seemed like a good day with sunshine and a crisp air to reload at the Tummy Temple. I’d forgotten what day this is.

When I arrived on the blacktop there was much activity as if it was Christmas Eve or Thanksgiving. Once inside I quickly remembered this was the calendar count that I was probably conceived on.

Lots more guys than usual with those deer-in-the-headlights look on their faces. Each was looking for some romantic gift to give their beloved in hopes of getting lucking tonight.

Other than stopping at some expensive jewelry shop or luxury auto dealership, this was the place that had all the essentials. Chocolate, candy, flowers, balloons, alcohol, valentine cards and toilet paper were all available with special counters set up to entice the confused males to place chocolate covered cherries or stuffed bears or some foreign smelly stuff to place in their cart next to the 12-pack of PBR and beef jerky.

Knowing my shopping list and locations, I zip around the dazed and confused but it gives me a smile as they walk out with a bunch of flowers or a heart shaped box of chocolate as a symbol of their affection who was out shopping at Target for towels and some flimsy negligee that won’t last the evening.

At school kids are handing each other handmade decorations of faux affections until they get to puberty. At the local pub, lines are passed around but few will get on bended knees. Well the ones with the diamonds at least.

Most of the lads I saw today may have been the first Valentine adventure trying to prove their love with a candy bar and two bottles of wine. Tomorrow everything in red will be for sale.

Good luck guys (and gals).

Vocal Assistance

Have you fallen for this ‘home assistant’? Have you wired your house so you can walk around like Captain Kirk and just ask the computer to turn on your lights?

If you phone wasn’t smart enough and your GPS wasn’t smart enough; now there is a speaker that can answer any question and do any task with a mere word. Does this make hectic lives easier or just pure laziness?

These seem the latest ‘must have’ technology to conquer our personal lives. No one remembers the warning of unsecured Wi-Fi or remember whatever pings out can come back in. We put chinks in our firewalls to get easy access.

Are these ‘smart speakers’ or ‘vocal assistants’ our Trojan horse?

Are these ‘assistants’ necessary? Do you have one at work? Do you have one in your car? Do you take it on vacation? Do you kids have one?

What other ‘assistants’ can you call out? Your refrigerator? Your shower? Your music? Your children? Are they listening?

The remote control was bad enough, even when it was the size of a brick. Then every electronic came with another remote control and they all look alike. Making the selection, losing the connection, banging the plastic number pad, changing the batteries or ultimately throwing it against the wall in frustration. If that doesn’t work, your dog will take on away from the stack and hide it.

These ‘smart assistants’ are just Santa’s elves. They know when you are sleeping. They know when you’re awake. They know when you’ve been bad or good and also know your contacts, bank account, serial number and pant size. They are listening.

My wife laughed at my joke.

My children laughed at my joke.

My father laughed at my joke.

Alexa laughed at my joke.

Read the Instructions

Just bought some knew electronics. After emptying the cardboard box (with of course go into the recycling after marking through all the bar codes and addresses) and dumping the piles of Styrofoam packing that hopefully will make the unit survive the trip around the world to my doorstep, I am given this cellophane wrapped booklet to inform me how to use this item.

I’ve been doing this pattern since I was knee high to a grasshopper and understand the drill. If there were a class on ‘Instruction Manuals’, I’d ace it.

There is a pattern to these manuals. 

First pages are the basic instructions on how to take it out of the box. Since the instructions were buried deep under all the popcorn, why are you reading this now?

The next pages are warnings. Beware! This is an electronically powered unit and must be plugged into a power source. If done incorrectly you could die. Do not place this unit into the bathtub. Do not turn on this unit in the rain. If this unit is dropped it could cause a spark that will burn down your house and your insurance won’t pay for your being stupid. These are like the instructions that a cup of coffee is hot.

If you turn the unit around there is all this tiny type in white disclaiming the harm that could happen it this electrical device is mishandled. It shows the technical terms of voltage and amps that leaves the kids at MIT scratching their heads. It doesn’t give you the local emergency number to call while you are frying.

Moving on to the following pages that give diagrams of each button and switch with a number and description of what that button or switch is supposed to do. If it is really complicated it will reference to a page deeper into the manual describing options.

Like a cookbook, following a step-by-step only slows the process down. There are wires and plugs and buttons to try out and you can’t get bogged down with instructions. The red wire goes to the red plug and the white wire goes to the white plug. How hard can this be?

Plug in the power cord and press the smiley face button. If nothing happens go back to the instructional manual and see what page you missed. If everything works you is a champion until you try to figure out the remote control that came in the box.

The best part of instructional manuals is they come equipped for bi-lingual people. Spanish, French, German, Japanese will become so familiar you can impress your friends with how to plug in your phonograph in another language.

If really brave, fill out the registration card (you won’t do this for your gun, but you will for your car and your children) and wait for the emails to flow in asking you survey questions and bombarding with offers and coupons.

Number your date purchased and price and place in the file folder called ‘Electronics’ to reference when it no longer works and the Help Line or Call Center have been disconnected.

It is a shame we don’t have instruction manuals for everything.