Read the Instructions

Just bought some knew electronics. After emptying the cardboard box (with of course go into the recycling after marking through all the bar codes and addresses) and dumping the piles of Styrofoam packing that hopefully will make the unit survive the trip around the world to my doorstep, I am given this cellophane wrapped booklet to inform me how to use this item.

I’ve been doing this pattern since I was knee high to a grasshopper and understand the drill. If there were a class on ‘Instruction Manuals’, I’d ace it.

There is a pattern to these manuals. 

First pages are the basic instructions on how to take it out of the box. Since the instructions were buried deep under all the popcorn, why are you reading this now?

The next pages are warnings. Beware! This is an electronically powered unit and must be plugged into a power source. If done incorrectly you could die. Do not place this unit into the bathtub. Do not turn on this unit in the rain. If this unit is dropped it could cause a spark that will burn down your house and your insurance won’t pay for your being stupid. These are like the instructions that a cup of coffee is hot.

If you turn the unit around there is all this tiny type in white disclaiming the harm that could happen it this electrical device is mishandled. It shows the technical terms of voltage and amps that leaves the kids at MIT scratching their heads. It doesn’t give you the local emergency number to call while you are frying.

Moving on to the following pages that give diagrams of each button and switch with a number and description of what that button or switch is supposed to do. If it is really complicated it will reference to a page deeper into the manual describing options.

Like a cookbook, following a step-by-step only slows the process down. There are wires and plugs and buttons to try out and you can’t get bogged down with instructions. The red wire goes to the red plug and the white wire goes to the white plug. How hard can this be?

Plug in the power cord and press the smiley face button. If nothing happens go back to the instructional manual and see what page you missed. If everything works you is a champion until you try to figure out the remote control that came in the box.

The best part of instructional manuals is they come equipped for bi-lingual people. Spanish, French, German, Japanese will become so familiar you can impress your friends with how to plug in your phonograph in another language.

If really brave, fill out the registration card (you won’t do this for your gun, but you will for your car and your children) and wait for the emails to flow in asking you survey questions and bombarding with offers and coupons.

Number your date purchased and price and place in the file folder called ‘Electronics’ to reference when it no longer works and the Help Line or Call Center have been disconnected.

It is a shame we don’t have instruction manuals for everything.