I flunked Vacation Bible School

It is not something to be proud of, but stuff happens growing up.

The Bible (from Koine Greek τὰ βιβλία, tà biblía, ‘the books’) is a collection of sacred texts or scriptures.

Varying parts of the Bible are considered to be a product of divine inspiration and a record of the relationship between God and humans by Christians, Jews, Samaritans, and Rastafarian.

The Bible appears in the form of an anthology, compiling texts of a variety of forms that are all linked by the belief that they collectively contain the word of God. These texts include theologically embellished historical accounts, hymns, allegorical erotica, parables, and didactic letters.

Those books included in the Bible by a tradition or groups are called canonical, indicating that the tradition/group views the collection as the true representation of God’s word and will. A number of Biblical canons have evolved, with overlapping and diverging contents from denomination to denomination.

The Hebrew Bible overlaps with the Greek Septuagint and the Christian Old Testament. The Christian New Testament is a collection of writings by early Christians, believed to be mostly Jewish Disciples of Christ, written in first-century Koine Greek.

Among Christian denominations there is some disagreement about what should be included in the canon, primarily about the biblical apocrypha, a list of works that are regarded with varying levels of respect.

Attitudes towards the Bible also differ among Christian groups. Roman Catholics, high church Anglicans, Methodists and Eastern Orthodox Christians stress the harmony and importance of both the Bible and sacred tradition, while many Protestant churches focus on the idea of sola scriptura, or scripture alone. This concept arose during the Reformation, and many denominations today support the use of the Bible as the only infallible source of Christian teaching. Others though, advance the concept of prima scriptura in contrast.

The Bible has been a massive influence on literature and history, especially in the Western world, where the Gutenberg Bible was the first book printed using movable type.

According to the March 2007 edition of ‘Time’, the Bible “has done more to shape literature, history, entertainment, and culture than any book ever written. Its influence on world history is unparalleled, and shows no signs of abating.”

With estimated total sales of over 5 billion copies, it is widely considered to be the most influential and best-selling book of all time. As of the 2000s, it sells approximately 100 million copies annually.

Vacation Bible School was two weeks in the summer (as I remember). It may have been longer? Kids from my Sunday school class would go into a basement room at the church, listen to adults read scriptures and passages and try to explain what the words meant. Then we would have milk and cookies before more religious propaganda.

There were no written test and at the end we all were given some diploma that our parents could put up on the refrigerator.

The reason I say I ‘flunked’ was I would raise my hand and ask questions. Questions that couldn’t be answered without a discussion. Vacation Bible School was not a place for discussion.

Any teacher knows if they get boxed in they can skip over the question and move around it, distract the class with another story to keep the other kids interest or place the troublemaker in the corner with a cone on his head.

I attended church every Sunday. It was a family ritual. I’d get up and brush my teeth but instead of putting on my ‘school clothes’ I’d put on my ‘Go To Meeting’ fancy suit and shiny shoes and clip on tie.

We’d go to the early morning service, sit in the same pew in the balcony just left of the pulpit and the choir. We’d sing the ‘Doxology’ and say the ‘Lord’s Prayer’, listen to the pipe organ, hear the announcements and then sit through the sermon.

To keep me quiet, my mother would give me 3x5 cards and golf pencils to draw with until the service was over.

After the service, I’d go off to ‘Sunday School’ or ‘Bible Study Class’ or whatever they called it and sit for an hour singing songs, listening to stories and basically biding our time until the bell rang and we could go back to meet our parents.

Church didn’t bother me. It was an institution of order. Everyone looked like me. It was just a big meetinghouse where everyone dressed up and acted polite.

We had a bible in the house. I think it was beside my parent’s bed under a pile of Reader’s Digest. As I recall it wasn’t a family heirloom but just an old dusty black book rarely looked at by the kids.

My family would say prayers before eating and before climbing into bed. Again it was a repetition of a script with little meaning.

Church was a part of my growing up. I joined the choir. I joined the boy scouts through the church. I was baptized in the big pool behind the choir. I was an usher. My brother got married in our church by our pastor. I even ran a youth center ‘coffee house’ on weekends.

I haven’t read the Bible from start to finish but I get the gist of most of the stories. That David dude took out a giant with a slingshot. Some old guy with a magic wand could part the sea. The stories were mostly about what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’ and if you don’t follow ‘the word’ you will burn for eternity (which doesn’t sound like a preferable legacy).

Unlike court, sins could be forgiven. Do a sin then say you are sorry and you are back on track. From what was written in the Bible, there are lots of sins to be had.

Like the civil laws, the ones written in the Bible sounded good but were rarely followed. Even after all the holier-than-now feelings were shared, Bigotry and Racism and Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Pride and a few others that cannot be discussed in proper circles rose their ugly little heads of everyday life.

Some of my schoolyard buddies did not go to the same church. There churches had different names and different teachings of what ‘religion’ was. I went to several services in other congregations. Some were very formal, some spoke different languages and some were free-for-all emotional expression.

Each seemed to have a different interpretation of the prophet Jesus. In our book he was some young hippy guy doing good stuff until he got in trouble with the authorities. It was probably his long hair.

So between Boy Scout jamborees, summer school to make up previous year’s educational failings, country club golf, tennis, horseback riding, swimming and sailing camp, my parents found a way to keep me occupied through the summer break from public school.

I stopped attending church services in college. I didn’t mind the ceremony or the people or the teachings but didn’t like the hypocrisy.

I guess I flunked Vacation Bible School?