Vacation

It’s time to start thinking about getting away. Get out the brochures and check the sites for locations that promise peace and relaxation.

Be sure to get your accountant to check the numbers to see if you can afford it, but what-the-hay, it is a vacation. Time to splurge.

Set our your agenda and check the passports and get some transfer dollars and you are all set.

Looking forward to those quiet evenings in the warm breezes with those cool umbrella drinks then…. What about the kids?

Oh yeah, they got to come along too. You can’t just leave them in the garage while you are gone.

Dust off the heavy luggage and start to pack. Remember you will buy trinkets and do-dads there so travel light. What if it gets cold? What if it rains? Should be take flea spray? Should we take formal wear, just in case? Hairspray, deodorant, razors, and stomach preparations…the list goes on and on. How many shoes should be squeezed in?

Mary wants to take all her princess outfits and Jimmy wants to take his light saber.

Double-check all the phone numbers and credit cards and medical cards and you are set to call the taxi or the Uber or Uncle Jack to haul all your stuff to the airport.

Now take off your shoes and get patted down while trying to maintain some sibilance of dignity while your kids are pulling on computer cords and wanting to eat junk food.

After that entire dance, squeeze yourself into seats for the long ride to your next location. This might be a good time to anesthesia your kids.

Hopefully you arrive at your destination and can find a ride to your hotel while spending a month’s pay in currency exchange.

Time to unpack and start to relax. Nope!

Time to eat. Whenever you arrive at a different place on the planet, it is time to eat. Ask the concierge or check the Google and while the kids are pointing out familiar McDonald’s and Taco Bell signs, you want this to be an educational experience for them.

Back at the hotel as the kids trade places at the porcelain throne expelling their learning experience, the vacation is underway.

Get out on the beach with all your slathering lotions and funny hats and dark glasses ready to relax to the sound of the surf, while your kids’ splash at the water’s edge. Better check the phone to see how many bars there are in this foreign place and if you can get on Facebook. Is it hot out here? Is that a shark in the water? Where is my waitress?

Back in the air conditioning you tend to the sunburn and the sand in your crouch. Must be time to eat again?

Check the hotel’s selection of delicacies. Seems a bit pricy on the alcohol list but where else are you going to go? Beside, this is a vacation.

Drag the little ones around to historic sites and take some selfies to send back home, and then check that room service list again.

After a few days it is time to reverse the procedure and leave paradise for the normal humdrum of life. With additional luggage to carry all the t-shirts and trinkets, you board the plane to go back home to the mundane comfortable life of grilled cheese sandwiches and late night television.

Sorry, I just walk out into the backyard.