Sports

Not much of a follower of sports but now I can’t waste an hour or two on “Wide World of Sports” on a rainy Saturday. Never rooted for a brand or even understood all the rules, but without sports is like no airplanes after 9/11.

Understanding ‘teams’ are bunches of folks who get together to compete against each other for a shower of confetti and a tin mug.

With the ‘social distancing’ there would be no high fives and group hugs during a celebration which would take the wind out of game. Even chess is too close.

What about baseball? Those guys are certainly far enough apart. Maybe the catcher will have to backup and the umpire will have to go to the backstop and need new glasses. A pop fly will have to be called by one fielder and there will be no sliding into the bag. Plus the dugout will have to spread out, but no one will complain about the game being too slow. You can have a hot dog when you watch on screen. They will fit in the microwave or you can order delivery from the Texas Inn and taste the same. You can walk around in the room hawking peanuts to your kids but they can’t hear you through the headphones. Water down your beer so it taste the same at the ball park and place the money you would have wasted in a jar for the vacation you’ll never take to Disneyland.

Golf seems pretty calm and not too close. Tennis players seem fine for a net divides them. Archery, Bowling, Skiing, Surfing and Curling seem acceptable to the new normal (but keep that guy with the broom away from everyone else).

Let’s talk about the NFL. The sport that earns more than the others and had to spread over from the weekend to the beginning of the week can’t just stop. While there is a World Series (but it is only the USA) and a Final Four, there is only one Super Bowl (check the ratings).

There could still be the basic of the game but the players will have to be further away from each other. Tackling will have to change to flag football. This will also reduce the head traumas and penalty flags. There will be no piling on.

The offensive line will have to spread out from sideline to sideline and other than the center have no real purpose except to run around like rugby. The quarterback can’t get up under the center and will have to yell louder to everyone on the field can hear the call. Huddles will change to emails for there will be no touching.

The defensive line will have to back off two or three yards. The only rushing the quarterback will have to be between the offensive players and then yell “Tag, you are it” to get the whistle to blow. Off sides could move the line back into yesterday?

The kicker is fine.

Not saying this New Normal sport will be as exciting as the gladiators but it will be better than watching tiddlywinks.

The couture boutiques could remove those bulky padded gaudy outfits and refashion the players in classy sportswear or even hi-end suits. The game will be the latest runway catwalk.

Maybe these new times will create some new sports?