Remember middle school? Our social communication skills were refining in who we wanted to associate with. Puberty also assisted our curiosity in one another. What drew us together was sharing our secrets.
The word "secret" refers to something kept hidden. Personal diaries had locks on them to keep what was written a secret except to the author. Bedroom and bathrooms have doors with locks so whatever activity that occurs is kept a secret from others.
Secrets, when hinted at, cause mysteries that need for others to solve. Once a secret is shared, it is no longer a secret.
“Mary has a crush on Tommy.” “Jenny is wearing Todd’s sweater.” “Sally is pregnant.” Secrets revealed or gossip? If heard second hand, who does the fact check? The secret can now be expanded upon and become someone’s perceived personality and reputation, true or false.
Everyone has a story. The clothing you wear, your hairstyle, where you live, what you drive, where you went to school, your children are all on your resume for anyone to see. Like getting a business card or an online profile, either to be adjusted for the best appearance, we present to the public who we think we are.
When meeting a stranger and getting beyond the physical appearance and you find the conversation interesting and wanted to know more, whatever they say may be the truth or a lie. If you know a friend who could verify the stories, you build the relationship on trust. You can only bond when you share secrets.
Some secrets shouldn’t be shared. Some secrets will be regretted to the grave. Some secrets may be discovered long after life and never confirmed.
I’ve tried to be forthright with my history and philosophy, but realize there are still a lot of secrets I never knew. I lived with a woman for eight years and never asked about her father. I lived with a woman for twenty-five years and we agreed not to dwell into the past relationships. She told me stories I didn’t want to hear that were later detailed by strangers who knew more than I did. Some have been hinted at from one point of view in this blog. Intimate specifics will not be discussed. I kept my promise.
At a certain age, say being a senior citizen, we can bypass the blah-blah of the last vacation or a new purchase or even what the family who you don’t know are doing. We shouldn’t wait until the death bed to share our secrets. This is what you will pass on to your heirs.
“When was your first kiss?” “Who deflowered you?” “Did you ever get arrested?” “Did you want to get married?” “Did you plan on a family?” “How far did you do drugs?” “Did you ever stray?” “Why did you break up?” “Did you ever kill anyone?” “Did you ever steal?” “Do you have a legacy?”
These are the questions that should be asked at reunions. This is what people really want to know.
Ask me no secrets. I’ll tell you no lies.
