Wednesday, January 31, 2018

#Me2 - II


What if...we all decided to come out of the closet with our own dirty little secrets? We all have them. They might not be as disgusting or revolting as those accused in the #MeToo movement or maybe they are worse.
I’m all for the discussion of this and #Black Lives Matter or any other that elevates the human condition but I’m not sure wearing a white flower to the Grammys or silk screening a t-shirt is going to change culture.
The clock can’t be turned back but our opinions can change. Look how long it is taking for people to not light up on television or to have ‘no smoking’ in restaurants. Tobacco is still sold but many are avoiding what was a right-of-passage.
Perhaps these movements are more horrifying due to the age of the victims, but Sandy Hook didn’t seem to change anything. Perhaps these movements feel guilty for complicity in predatory behavior?
Kids endure lots of emotional and physicals trauma before becoming ‘legal age’. Bullying, peer pressure, divorces, moving, losing friends, growth spurts and more are all part of growing up without any recourse except to cry.
The culture I grew up in was the white-male-dominance of government, business, and lifestyles. In many years passing, some have changed and many remain. Culture change isn’t as quick as hairstyles or music trends. When high heels disappear and football cheerleaders stop looking like fly girls our culture might becoming aware.
Yet, as we view one-by-one fall, brings the thought that they’re maybe many more than just the sleazy power brokers over extending their self-empowerment fueled by an accepting society.
Which brings me back to our own little dirty secrets. Whether we slipped on the moral code or just went along with the crowd, one can remember the first drink of alcohol? The slow dance where hands were measuring more than the beat? The forbidden glance in a magazine to view a naked person?
What of the people in our lives that we had no idea what they did or did not do because it wasn’t talked about. Does your teacher go home and drink while making lesson plans and grading papers? Does your basketball coach hang around the showers? Does the policeman wear rubber underwear? Does the preacher have a little honey on the side?
We are a fairly liberal society and the old Puritan standards have long since passed but when does our salacious curiosity go beyond the tabloids to a lynch mob?
I recently asked my brother is he thought our dad had a mistress? What about mom? Now, I know, just the thought is icky but people-are-people and whether ‘it’ happened or didn’t happen and whether the son’s were aware of ‘it’ or ‘it’ was swept under the carpet (like politics, civil rights and liquor) will be left to speculation. 
So I considered my heroes and influences growing up and started to wonder about them. Was Captain Kangaroo a junkie? Did the Lone Ranger like to wear dresses? Why was Penny staying with her uncle on Sky King? Walt Disney sure hung around a lot of kids on the Mickey Mouse club?
There was a lot of hugging and kissing back in the black and white days of television. And when the hero kissed the femme fatale it was a forceful smooch instead of a peck on the cheek. Single guys would cat call and whistle at girls and they flirted right back blowing kisses. Women were portrayed as barmaids or mothers with few lines and the only people of color were Tonto and Amos and Andy stereotypes. Those are the lessons we learned to emulate. When Jim gave ‘his princess’ a kiss; she wasn’t really family.
These conversations might continue and grow, until the next movement starts, fade back to the way things were? You decide.
We all have our dirty little secrets or is it just gossip or rumors?

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

The State of the Onion



January 3o, 2o18
9:ooP.M.
No Tweets today? He must have been busy?

Mister Speaker! The President of the United Snakes..er Steaks.”
Shaking hands. Shaking hands. Shaking hands. Etc.
Everybody clap now.
I have the high honor…er, privilege to present to you The President of the United Stakes
Very swift action. Make America Great Again for ALL Americans. (applause)
The steel in America’s spine.
Coast Guard Petty Officer Ashley next to the FLOUS. (applause)
Firefighter David rescued children in summer camp. Great job. We always will pull through together…always. (applause)
The legion from Louisiana, Congressman Steve. (applause)
Capitol Police officers who saved lives. (applause)
Representatives of the People. Set aside our differences. We need to deliver for the people. (applause)
The State of OUR ONION is Strong, because our people are Strong. Safe, strong, and proud America. (applause)
New jobs (applause)
Rising wages (applause)
Unemployment claims low (applause) specially them color folk (Yea!)
Hispanic unemployment lowest (applause)
Biggest tax cuts and reform in history (applause)
Family of four taxes cut in half (applause)
A lot more take home pay next month (applause)
The “o-care” mandate is now gone (applause)
Slashed the business tax rate so companies can compete (applause)
Average family income increase by $4,000 (applause)
Steve and Sandy from Ohio had the best year of their 20-year business. (applause)
Corey is an All-American worker plans to invest his new job and raise into his two daughters future. (applause)
Apple to hire another 20,000 workers (applause)
Exxon Mobile will make a $50B investment in the US (applause)
If you believe you can achieve anything (applause)
What kind of future we are going to have?
We all share the same great American flag (applause)
Faith and Family is “In God We Trust” (applause)
Celebrate our police, our military and our veterans (applause)
Preston from CA placed 40,000 flags on gravestones (applause)
Why we proudly stand for the National Anthem (applause)
More judges who interpret the constitution as written. Religious liberty and 2nd amendment (applause)
Veteran’s choice in their health care decisions (applause)
VA shakeup. (applause)
All Americans deserve accountability and respect
Get rid of the riff-raff and hire only the best (applause)
Eliminated regulations and ended the war on beautiful clean coal (applause)
Exporter energy to the world (applause)
Detroit can get motor city reviving its engines again (applause)
It’s all coming back (applause)
They want to be where the action is (applause)
FDA approved more medical drugs (applause)
Terminally ill need to use experimental drugs (applause)
Reduce the price of prescription drugs. Top priority for the year. Watch (applause)
The nation has lost its wealth. Trading will be Fair and reciprocal (applause)
Rebuild our crumbling infrastructure (applause)
10-years to get a permit approved to build a simple road (applause)
Produce a bill for a $1.5 trillion cost to permanently fix the infrastructure deficit. Reclaim our great building heritage (applause)
American heart. American hands. American grit
From poverty to prosperity with Job Training (applause)
Paid Family Leave support (applause)
Reforming our prisons to get a second chance at life (applause)
Open borders have allowed drugs and gangs (applause)
Two families whose two daughters were murdered by MS13 gang who illegally wound up in their high school (applause)
Great people, great, great people in ICE (applause)
Open hand to both parties to protect our citizens of every background, color, creed (applause)
Right to the American dream because American’s dream too. (applause)
DJ…er, CJ has spent years getting gangs off the street. Sent thousand of bad people away. (applause)
We are just tougher than they are. (laughter)
Immigration Reform Package that our country gets what it must have. The four pillars are:
1.    Path to citizenship. (DACA) Show good moral character for 12-months.
2.    Secure the border. Building a great wall and more CJ’s to keep America safe. No more catch and release.
3.    Ends the visa lottery. Merit based immigration system.
4.    Ends chain migration. (booos?)
Safe, modern and lawful system to put America First. Come together and get the job done. (applause)
Opioid drug addition. 64,000 American overdose last year. (applause)
We will succeed. We will prevail. (applause)
Ryan of NM adopted a drug addict’s baby. (applause)
Unmatched US power by removing defense sequester and updating our nuclear weapons. (applause)
Remove ISIS from the face of the earth. (applause)
Army Staff Srg. Justin to clear explosives and applied medical aid to a fallen warrior. (applause)
Terrorists are evil. We must annihilate them. They are enemy combatants. (applause)
Al-Bag Doddy was released, back on the battlefield. Keep GITMO (applause)
New rules of engagement. No artificial time-lines. (applause)
Support Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. (applause)
Foreign assistance only goes to ‘friends’ of America. (applause)
Support People of Iran with their courageous struggle for freedom. Sanctions on Cuba and Venezuela. Pressure on North Korea.
Otto of UVA charged, sentenced, jailed and returned before he died from North Korea. G. Sung Ho was starving boy who sacrificed to become a defector. (applause)
Americans with a revolutionary idea that they could rule themselves. Statue of freedom stands straight. Capitol is the living Monument to the American people (U.S.A.)
It is the People who are making America Great Again. (applause)

Thanks.

Thursday, January 25, 2018

I Like Peas

 
Tonight I had a potpie for dinner. Breaking open the top crust, like a po’ mans Shepherd pie, there is all these veggie things floating around in a warm sauce. There is this mystery meat flavored like chicken but tasting like a chewy tofu. Then there are these little circular orange things that I guess are suppose to be carrots but with the same texture as the mystery meat. Then there are these green peas.
Peas were never my go-to vegetable growing up because they were so hard to eat. If you could combine them with mashed potatoes, they would just roll around on a plate. They were too small to stab with a fork and certainly couldn’t get a row on a knife blade, though we tried. Even using a spoon there was always one or two who would roll onto the table. Picking them up with your fingers was gauche and flicking them like a booger across the table will only find the bodice of the woman talking about her daughter’s new son-in-law perspective. Yet these little green peas are fun to smash and mix well with almost anything and can be slurped if no one is paying attention.
Peas were on of the side dishes at most functions but were rarely eaten (for the before mentioned reasons). Somewhere along the way I started to like them again, probably with Fish & Chips. It was an English thing.
I found these big green peas, not the little lime green ones. They were easier to eat and didn’t take so many spoonfuls to get you full. I can’t find them anymore so they must have been atomically engineered peas or they are called something fancy and are in the import aisle.
As far as vegetables go, I was never kind to them until recently. Beans were snaps and as long as matched with new potatoes, I could tolerate them. French cut green beans always looked elegant covered in sliced almonds. They became a staple for my Sunday meal where I would cook and eat a meal not out of a can. Later I enjoyed the big meaty butter beans and now prefer the dark red kidney beans. Navy and pinto beans never did it for me, and black-eyed peas were good for New Years (but they are peas).
Greens were always, always picked at and never eaten. I found that putting vinegar and mustard on them made them yummy. Brussels sprouts I never heard about until a few years ago. I think it was in a Chinese steamer and thought I like them, they don’t like me. Cauliflower and Broccoli were the same way. A bland stubby flower-looking thing that wasn’t even green. Then someone invented cheese on top and yummy. Tomatoes were made to go in salads and not steamed. I also found the reward of cooking veggies on the grill because everything taste better from the grill.
Potatoes were the main starch. I could eat potatoes and bread and then be too full for the vegetables. Baked potatoes dripping in butter and covered with parsley was my preferred choice. The texture of the potato was good but what I really liked was the burnt skin. Then some fast food place invented French fries and ruined the potato.
Going down the canned vegetable aisle there is several items I’ve never tried and some that are hard to find. Okra is one. As icky as asparagus, I avoided at all cost. Then I went to New Orleans and had some gumbo and Ohhhhhh weee! Also discovered hot sauce.
Growing up most food was fried. Hush puppies, chicken, pork chops, bacon and onions were all cooked in the old iron black skillet with grease flying everywhere. My parents had tasted the fine dining and appreciated things like raw oysters and beef bullion but the boys stuck to the meat and potato diet as you can tell from our pictures.
Luckily I had a wife who loved to experiment and presented meals that were far from the imagined. I did not always like them but I tasted and enjoyed the adventure.
Cheese and tomatoes baked on a slab of dough introduced me by high school mates at a Fan restaurant that I’d never attend because it was across the railroad tracks. Used to pick up the Sunday newspaper there on snow days but never ventured inside until I tasted a double cheese pizza. Cheese was (is) not my favorite taste, even in Welsh rarebit, but I’ll partake in small doses.
My gathering of substance for consumption has shortened to mostly green, and yes, peas are on that list. Peas are fun to eat and I guess you could string them like popcorn on the Christmas tree. Some say I should grow a garden? I have the space and have before but I don’t want to get busted for growing okra.
Next: Beating The Meat

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Vagabonds


There is this bench across from where I lock up my pony. It appeared one day. The staff said it was management’s idea to put it there so they could take breaks, but I think it was to get it out of the way from somewhere else that was bothering customers. The bench is in an out-of-the-way space under the window to the internal seating area and gets good sunshine.
The bench has also become a gathering spot for vagabonds.
From what I understand a vagabond is a person who wanders from place-to-place without a home or a job. Some may call them bums or hobos or homeless and avoid them at all cost. I call them adventurers.
These street people are living off their wits and experience to survive. For whatever reason they are in this particular situation, they wander among the rest of us like shadows.
Mental deficiencies or physical disabilities, economic catastrophes or just down on their luck, vagabonds don’t use calendars for no one knows what tomorrow will bring. Some turn to begging or prostitution. Some turn to drugs or violence and the state gives them room and board for a couple of days. Some are societies caste off and some just want to be alone.
On some days I’ll notice one or two folks with backpacks and rolled up blankets soaking up the sun and get a brief respite from their constant journey. Sometimes they just smile and sometimes they say “Hello” because they probably think I’m a vagabond too in my shabby garb. Sometimes they ask for money or a beer to which I politely turn down their request. If they are persistent I point to a sign in the parking lot that says: “No Soliciting under penalty of law”.  If they continue harassing passer-bys, I report them to management and let them handle the situation. Sometimes they will stop and have a conversation. I don’t have any idea of their back-story or if what they are saying is true or false, but many times it is worth a listen.
I have touched the fringe of the vagabond tribe several times and have been mistaken for one but luckily I’ve always had money in my pocket and a roof over my head. I personally have no wander but I know some who have ants-in-their-pants and can’t sit in one place very long.
Now and then I will take a hike in the city. Go somewhere I’m not used to with no telling what is around the corner. Wonder where that street goes? Walk down there and find out. Again, I am lucky to have come out on the other side.
I’ve never felt threatened by these folks. If one seems a little too bizarre I keep my distance.
I do feel for these explorers into the unknown and wonder why we don’t treat them like Lewis and Clarke or Columbus? They have seen and heard and experienced things the rest of us read in fiction novels, but it is really fact. Everyday they carry all their worldly belongings looking for a place to rest, something to eat, and in good times available indoor plumbing. These immigrants looking for a place to raise a family, make an honest living, and believe in their faith. These refugees from society told constantly to move on, not wanted here and so they wander.
I have a bench in my front yard next to the gate. If someone is walking down the sidewalk and gets tired, there is a place to rest and rejuvenate. It is just a place to stop and reflect in the shade before continuing. It is not used very often but it is available. My backyard is full of rest stops. To appreciate your environment one must stop and take in their surroundings. As we get older our body tells us to rest more often so it is good to have a place to stop.
Today I didn’t see any vagabonds catching their rays but had a wonderful conversation with a lady who is enjoying life and that was refreshment enough. I told her I appreciated her spirit and wandered on.

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Another Snow Day!


Yippee! More photos of snow glistening on the trees and skid marks on the roads and puppies romping in the powder and little snow angles and lots of pots of stews and soup and (in my case) chili from all the pathetic people who are not going to work or doing anything productive today. If the power goes out, all the indoor shenanigans will have to be bundled up and the car dug out and packed and off to grandmas house (like she really wants to take care of you?) or someplace that has electricity so you can re-hook to your FoMo addition.
The news will all be about the weather. Shops and businesses will close while restaurants will reap the rewards of bored people who want to eat and drink. Plumbers will be busy and the police will patrol the empty streets. It is Wednesday so there are no sporting events but the cooking network is full of ideas to keep you fat.
Pull out all the bulky coats and boots and scarves and mittens that fill half the closet and are only worn for 10-minutes a year to take out the trash and then get online to search for a warmer vacation site. Turn up the heat until you remember the last heating bill. The kids should be worn out by now after destroying the house to be put down for a nap. Then the adults will crack open the alcohol, watch to see if the schools will be open tomorrow before the next barrage of ‘kid energy’ hits.
Today would be perfect for finishing that project or starting a new one. Today would be perfect to arrange your financial papers before the tax bills come. Today would be perfect to read the instructions on your latest appliances and check their warranties. Today would be a good day to take another nap since about 80% of that chili is alcohol. Phew! One bowl and I’m having problems talking to myself.
Still I search the omnibus web in hopes to find something of interest. There is an opioid epidemic and is there any wondering? Our miracle workers and horse traders have spent time and money finding new ways to make our pain go away. Whether a prescription or a street corner buys, there is some form of substance to ease our ever-increasing pain. Do they have this problem in warzones or do people just suffer in misery? “Hey Doc, you got something for a broken heart?”
There hasn’t been much talk recently about the monuments or moving the baseball field so I guess we’ll have to wait for spring. While the entertainment industry promotes movies and television shows with red carpet parades, providers are creating new and expensive delivery highways. Technology hasn’t done anything marvelous in years and the new autos look like last years models and there doesn’t seem to be any new styling trends in the magazine pages. The music is yesterday’s re-takes and the old dancers are replaced with younger dancers. No aliens have landed and we’ve about bombed everyone in the Middle East so we’ll have to find a new place to have a war. We still throw away tons of fresh food, as consumption preference is pre-cooked in Styrofoam boxes that will soon be washing ashore.
Could turn to TED talk to get motivated or watch some documentary on how Corning Ware was created or wallow in ancient history of black and white Beatle snippets? Could assemble the new vacuum if I can find it under the dust bunnies? Could turn off the chili and let it cool down before filling every container in the house? Could take the dog out for a walk, but I don’t have a dog?
Could ponder the problems of the world that I know I cannot solve or even testify to. Since we have so many criminals and prisons and law enforcement folk and this problem is not going away and though it is a job creating industry (on both sides) and only reducing the time spent behind bars reduced the overcrowded population until they repeat, perhaps if we re-think our judicial process. We like to deport people who walk in looking for a job or to get away from danger, and then maybe that could be the answer to our prisoners. Deport them all. Take a place like Haiti and ship them all there. Not to pick on Haiti but the poor little country has it rough. If it isn’t a hurricane, earthquake or sanitation issues, there is corruption and poverty.  Let’s just take all them folks we feed and clothe and shelter for years because they are dangerous to the rest of society and dump them on Haiti? “WHAT??” I hear all the do-gooders and naysayers raising their collective hand in this appalling idea but our vetting system has been much good selecting the wheat from the chaff. If we could somehow gather up all the good folks living in Haiti and move them to, oh say, Arizona, they would certainly get a new chance at life never foreseen. Meanwhile those ones we have decided should be put away, sort of like our own poverty projects, will be left to fend for themselves. No cells, dogs, high walls, or police to monitor their activities. It would be a sort of ‘Survivors’ show without the cameras. The island could be quarantined and blockaded by a patrol boat. Nothing imported but bad guys and nothing exported. Is this Cruel and inhuman treatment or just punishment? This would just be the latest version of a penal colony. I’ll let you decide. Some people have been living in this environment and they have done nothing wrong except to live here. Why Haiti? Than how about Yemen or Somalia or…. There is a long list of possible places. Think about our foreign policy now. We send truckloads of money and guns and food and then the puppet government folds and it becomes a land of gangs and warring tribes. Instead of wasting our money, we dump more bad guys on them. At least we will know where all the bad guys are. The plus side of this inhuman judgment would be a deterrent. If you knew if you stepped over the line that instead of a bunk and television and a workout yard and three a day, you would be taken to a harsh land with no resources and left there to fend for yourself. Now what about all the tourist ships? If these con-folks can work it out but there will be more restrictions than most travel agents would want. There are plenty of other beaches in the world. What of all the guards and prisons? Well the guards have the rights to carry and shoot so change their jackets and put them in with the other herders. Change the prisons to high-end condos and reap the gentrification rewards.
On snow days your mind can wander into many topics like the sexual harassment issue. This has brought up the maturation of ‘the weaker gender’ and all the pink hats and marching and chanting and another organization asking for money and writing letters; this is a cultural change and that awareness must be accepted by all genders and variations there of. As long as our entertainment industry requires young women to shake their booties in scant clothing and show as much cleavage without a nip slip the respect for a female will be no higher than that for a pole dancer or stripper. As long as our marketing sells everything from trucks to hamburgers to shavers with gorgeous women appealing to an audience as submissive subservient eye-candy. Hugh Heffner could be the devil in details but for century’s there have been pornography due to the fact that one of our gender has mammalian protuberances. You ladies might think it is the hair or the high heels or the tight skirts or even the perfume but the guys are not staring you in the eyes. Could the culture change from all the bosom synonyms to a universal description as ‘udders’. Then you women can tan your body without every guy walking by getting a penile arouser.
It is just where the mind wanders imprisoned by cold white powder. I think the chili has cooled enough to be separated into meal size portions and placed in the cold box for future lunches and dinners. Then there are all the dirty pots and spoons and bowls, so better open a bottle of wine.
Tomorrow will be warmer and sunny and I plan to escape.

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

It is going to snow so let’s make some chili!


At least once a year I get a wild hare and decide when I know I will be restricted from outdoors to cook in the kitchen. Seems like a good idea until…
So the predictions are in and the cold white stuff is on the way. Will it be a dusting or a layer of winter no one can tell so I wander to the Tummy Temple on a mission to get the ingredients for a big pot of chili?
The idea is to make a slo-cooker of stuff that I can consume while watching the flakes come down but I don’t cook much so the simple recipe that is not followed becomes folly.
Still the day is sunny and I was able to leave the abode before the sunset to accumulate the ingredients that I thought might be good in a big pot of chili. Beans and beef.
I did make a big pot of goodness back in the early 80’s and will try to remember what to put in the cart to replicate that memorable taste. I do remember there was a lot of beer used so that will be the first stop. I stop to talk to Allen (my wine guy) and gather up a couple bottles of mead and some ale but can’t figure what would be good to soak the dead animal parts in. Black and Tan? Heineken? Settle on Sam Adams.
Two cans of dark red kidney beans, 2- onions, celery, 2-cans of tomatoes and some peppers fill the basket.
Onto the slaughterhouse that seems very popular.
Here is a package of chunks of dead cow and another package of grounded up cow. Is that enough? Or too much?
I don’t have to wait in line long because Chris hops behind the register and I’m #1 on the hit list. He tells me the Temple is OUT OF MILK. We have a good chuckle as I swipe my card for a total not often seen.
Some ingenious packing and a welcomed visit from my previous lunch date with Joel’s main squeeze and wait for the traffic to thin. Hope I get home because I’m carrying a lot of weight.
My dependable pony gets the load home and I change into my casual attire to plan the evening’s meal. Junk mail and someone’s left over egg carton before closing off the southern view of the world. Open the buffets for the critters and wander into Who-Land.
Recycle the boxes and wrappers for the new vac and spray washer then wander in before the snow arrives.
Do I wait until tomorrow or start tonight? Patience is a virtue and I don’t have many of those so lets get started.
Dust off the slo-cooker and pour in the tomatoes and beans and put the meat chunks in the other big pot never used. Add the peppers and onions and brown before transferring to the slo-cooker. Looks like it is going to be a tight squeeze. “It will cook down” I tell myself.
With two pots cooking, add the hamburger that looks like more than I thought at the store but drown that in some beer and look here, a bottle of ‘What’s this here?’ sauce so empty that in there.
As all good meals (and wine) must combine and ferment and settle so they are left alone to do what they do. Smells good.
Back to wandering the web and having some more sauce that didn’t make the pot when the question is asked…. “What about the celery?”
Back into the kitchen to unfridge the green stalks and chop them into eatable size for a bit of crunch and give both pots a stir. Take the top off that one so the liquid can reduce. Doesn’t that sound like I know what I’m doing?
Put the cans into the recycle bag that is a new technique to make me feel better about taking care of the earth and give another stir. It has only been an hour since I started but it sure looks good. Can I resist digging in before all the flavors have melted into the chili I anticipate?
I’m not a fan of garlic but I look in the cabinet and there is parsley. I read somewhere that parsley (like pepper) has no calories so dump a bottle of that stuff in there. Looks greener now. There is this other jar of some sort of rubbing ingredients for grill cooking dead animal. What the heck, toss that in there too?
Back to the music of the ’56 Desoto’s garage bands and wait some more for the snow to arrive. My plan is to shut everything off at the midnight hour and let all the ingredients absorb the juices.
If it doesn’t taste good for breakfast, then heat it back up, scrap off the grease scrum and give another stir. Whatever this turns out to be, I’ll eat it. I paid for it so I’ll eat it. Add a dash of salt and pepper and some more hot sauce and blame the cook with another toast of wine.

Monday, January 15, 2018

The Men (and women) Who Make The Laws!

This is not a civics lesson for I’m not sure I’m civic-alized but it makes one wonder…
There are 535 Members of the United States Congress.
100 are in the Senate and the other 435 are in the House of Representatives. The members of the House of Representatives serve two-year terms representing the people of a single constituency, known as a “district”.
Congressional districts are apportioned to states population, using the United States Census results, provided that each state has at least one congressional representative. Each state, regardless of population or size, has two senators.
Currently, there are 100 senators representing the 50 states. Senators are elected at-large in their state for a six-year term, with terms staggered, so every two years approximately one-third of the Senate is up for election.
To be eligible for election, a candidate must be:
·      Aged at least 25 (House) or 30 (Senate)
·      Have been a citizen of the United States for seven (House) or nine (Senate) years
·      Be an inhabitant of the state which they represent

In 1891, Congress had a total of 146 staff members: 37 Senate personal staff, 39 Senate committee staff, and 62 House committee staff (37 of whom only worked during congressional sessions). In the year 2000, there were approximately 11,692 personal staff, 2,492 committee staff, 274 leadership staff, 5,034 institutional staff, and 3,500 GAO employees, 747 CRS employees, and 232 CBO employees.
The House first approved personal staff for Representatives in 1893. By the beginning of the 20th century, congressional staff had become well-accepted feature of congressional operations.
·      Personal staff, who work for individual members of Congress
·      Committee staff, who serve either the majority or minority on congressional committees
·      Leadership staff, who work for the speaker, majority and minority leaders, and majority and minority whips in the House of Representatives, and the majority and minority leaders and assistant majority and minority leaders (whips) in the Senate
·      Institutional staff, who including majority or minority party floor staff and non-partisan staff such as the Capitol Police, Architect of the Capitol (facilities and maintenance employees), and legislative clerks.
·      Support agency staff, who are non-partisan employees of the Congressional Research Service (CRS), Congressional Budget Office (CBO), and Government Accountability Office (GAO).
Then all these folks form committees to take care of business.
Senate Committees
·      Aging (Special)
·      Agriculture, Nutrition and Forestry
·      Appropriations
·      Armed Services
·      Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs
·      Budget
·      Commerce, Science, and Transportation
·      Energy and Natural Resources
·      Environment and Public Works
·      Ethics (Select)
·      Finance
·      Foreign Relations
·      Health, Education, Labor and Pensions
·      Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs
·      Indian Affairs
·      Intelligence (Select)
·      Judiciary
·      Narcotics (Caucus)
·      Rules and Administration
·      Small Business and Entrepreneurship
·      Veterans' Affairs
House Committees
·      Agriculture
·      Appropriations
·      Armed Services
·      Budget
·      Education and the Workforce
·      Energy and Commerce
·      Ethics
·      Financial Services
·      Foreign Affairs
·      Homeland Security
·      House Administration
·      Intelligence (Permanent Select)
·      Judiciary
·      Natural Resources
·      Oversight and Government Reform
·      Rules
·      Science, Space, and Technology
·      Small Business
·      Transportation and Infrastructure
·      Veterans' Affairs
·      Ways and Means
Joint Committees
·      Economic
·      Inaugural Ceremonies (Special)
·      Library
·      Printing
·      Taxation
·
Committees to share specific tasks within the jurisdiction of the full committee if that make. Subcommittees are responsible to, and work within the guidelines established by, their parent committees. In particular, standing committees usually create subcommittees with legislative jurisdiction to consider and report bills. They may assign their subcommittees such specific tasks as the initial consideration of measures and oversight of laws and programs in the subcommittees’ areas.
Conference committee—are joint, ad hoc groups formed to work out the differences between similar bills from both houses.

Has that clarified all that committee stuff?

What about departments? They seem like closets everywhere but what is in them when you open the door?

Executive Branch
Department of Agriculture (USDA)
·      Office of Inspector General (USDA OIG)
·      United States Forest Service (USFS), U.S. Forest Service Law Enforcement and Investigations (USFS LEI)

Department of Commerce (DOC)
·      Bureau of Industry and Security (BIS), Office of Export Enforcement (OEE)
·      National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST), National Institute of Standards and Technology Police (NIST Police)
·      National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), National Marine Fisheries Service (NMFS), Office for Law Enforcement (OLE)
·      Department of Commerce Office of Security (DOC OS)
·      Department of Commerce Office of Inspector General (DOC OIG)

Department of Defense
·      Office of Inspector General (DOD OIG), Defense Criminal Investigative Service (DCIS)
·      Pentagon Force Protection Agency (PFPA), United States Pentagon Police (USPPD)
·      Department of Defense Police
·      Defense Logistics Agency, Defense Logistics Agency Police (DLA)
·      National Security Agency, National Security Agency Police (NSA)
·      Defense Intelligence Agency, Defense Intelligence Agency Police (DIA)
·      National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency, National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency Police (NGA)
·      Special Inspector General for Afghanistan Reconstruction (SIGAR)
·      Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction (SIGIR) (organization disbanded)

Department of the Army
·      United States Army Criminal Investigation Command (CID)
·      United States Army Military Police Corps
·      Department of the Army Civilian Police
·      United States Army Corrections Command
·      United States Army Counterintelligence (ACI), United States Army Intelligence and Security Command

Department of the Navy
·      Naval Criminal Investigative Service (NCIS)
·      United States Marine Corps Criminal Investigation Division (USMC CID)
·      Master-at-arms (United States Navy) (military police)
·      Department of the Navy Police (civilian police)
·      Marine Corps Provost Marshal's Office (military police)
·      United States Marine Corps Civilian Police (civilian police)

Department of the Air Force
·      Air Force Office of Special Investigations (AFOSI)
·      Air Force Security Forces Center (AFSFC)
·      Air Force Security Forces (military police)
·      Department of the Air Force Police (civilian police)

Department of Education
·      Office of the Inspector General (ED OIG)

Department of Energy (DOE)
·      Office of Inspector General (DOE OIG)
·      Office of Health, Safety and Security (DOE HSS)
·      National Nuclear Security Administration (NNSA), Office of Secure Transportation (OST)

Department of Health and Human Services
·      United States Food and Drug Administration (HHSFDA), Office of Criminal Investigations (OCI)
·      National Institutes of Health (NIH), National Institutes of Health Police (NIH Police)
·      Office of Inspector General (HHS OIG)

Department of Homeland Security (DHS)
·      Federal Law Enforcement Training Center (FLETC)
·      National Protection and Programs Directorate, Federal Protective Service (FPS)
·      United States Coast Guard (USCG)
·      Coast Guard Investigative Service (CGIS)
·      United States Coast Guard Police (CGPD)
·      United States Customs and Border Protection (CBP)
·      Office of Air and Marine (OAM)
·      Office of Border Patrol (OBP)
·      Office of Field Operations (OFO)
·      Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA)
·      Mount Weather Emergency Operations Center (MWEOC) Police
·      Office of Chief Security Officer (OCSO)
·      United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE)
·      Enforcement Removal Operations (ERO)
·      Homeland Security Investigations (HSI)
·      Office of Intelligence
·      Office of Professional Responsibility (OPR)
·      United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS)
·      United States Secret Service (USSS)
·      Transportation Security Administration (TSA), Office of Law Enforcement (OLE) / Federal Air Marshal Service (FAMS)
·      Office of Inspection (OI)
·      Department of Homeland Security Office of Inspector General (DHSOIG)

Department of Housing and Urban Development
·      Office of Inspector General (HUD OIG) [1][5]
·      Protective Service Division (HUD PSD)

Department of the Interior (USDI)
·      Bureau of Indian Affairs (BIA), Office of Justice Services, Bureau of Indian Affairs Police (BIA Police)
·      Bureau of Land Management (BLM), Office of Law Enforcement (BLM Rangers and Special Agents)
·      Bureau of Reclamation (BOR), Bureau of Reclamation Office of Law Enforcement (BOR Rangers)
·      Hoover Dam Police aka Bureau of Reclamation Police
·      National Park Service (NPS), Division of Law Enforcement, Security and Emergency Services (U.S. Park Rangers-Law Enforcement)
·      United States Park Police
·      Office of Inspector General (DOI OIG)
·      Office of Surface Mining Reclamation and Enforcement (OSMRE)
·      United States Fish and Wildlife Service (USFWS), Office of Law Enforcement (FWS OLE)
·      Division of Refuge Law Enforcement

Department of Justice (DOJ)
·      Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives (ATF)
·      Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) (since 1973)
·      Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), Federal Bureau of Investigation Police (FBI Police)
·      Federal Bureau of Prisons (BOP)
·      United States Marshals Service (USMS)
·      Office of Inspector General (DOJ OIG)
·      Office of Professional Responsibility (DOJ OPR)

Department of Labor
·      Office of Inspector General (DOLOIG)

Department of State (DoS)
·      Bureau of Diplomatic Security (DS), U.S. Diplomatic Security Service (DSS)
·      Office of Foreign Missions
·      Office of the Inspector General

Department of Transportation
·      Office of Inspector General (DOTOIG)
·      United States Merchant Marine Academy Department of Public Safety (USMMADPS)
·      Office of Odometer Fraud Investigation - NHTSA (OFI)

Department of the Treasury
·      A Bureau of Engraving and Printing Police (BEP) patrol car.
·      Bureau of Engraving and Printing Police (BEP Police)
·      Financial Crimes Enforcement Network (FINCEN)
·      Internal Revenue Service (IRS), Criminal Investigation Division (IRS-CI)
·      United States Mint Police (USMP)
·      Office of Inspector General (TREASOIG)
·      Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration (TIGTA)
·      Special Inspector General for the Troubled Assets Relief Program (SIGTARP)

Department of Veterans Affairs
·      Office of Inspector General (VAOIG)
·      Veterans Affairs Police

Legislative Branch
·      Sergeant at Arms of the United States House of Representatives
·      Sergeant at Arms of the United States Senate
·      United States Capitol Police (USCP)
·      Office of the Inspector General (USCP OIG)
·      Office of Professional Responsibility (USCP OPR)
·      Library of Congress (LOC)
·      Office of the Inspector General (LOCOIG)
·      Government Publishing Office (GPO), Government Publishing Office Police
·      Office of Inspector General (GPO OIG)

Judicial Branch
·      Marshal of the United States Supreme Court
·      United States Supreme Court Police
·      Administrative Office of the United States Courts (AOUSC)
·      Office of Probation and Pretrial Services

Independent Agencies and Quasi-official Corporations
·      Central Intelligence Agency, Security Protective Service (CIA SPS)
·      United States Environmental Protection Agency, Criminal Investigation Division (EPA CID)
·      Office of Inspector General (EPA OIG)
·      National Aeronautics and Space Administration, Office of Protective Services (NASA OPS)
·      Office of Inspector General (NASA OIG)
·      Office of Personnel Management (OPM)
·      Office of Inspector General (OPM OIG)
·      Federal Investigative Services Division (FIS) / National Background Investigations Bureau (NBIB)
·      Facilities, Security, and Emergency Management
·      United States Postal Service (USPS), United States Postal Inspection Service (USPIS), U.S. Postal Police
·      United States Postal Service Office of the Inspector General
·      Smithsonian Institution (SI)
·      Office of Protection Services
·      National Zoological Park Police (NZPP)
·      Office of the Inspector General (OIG)
·      Amtrak
·      Amtrak Office of Inspector General
·      Amtrak Office of Security Strategy and Special Operations (OSSSO)
·      Amtrak Police
·      Federal Reserve System
·      Federal Reserve Police
·      Federal Reserve Board Police (Board of Governors)
·      Office of Inspector General (FRB/CFPB OIG)
·      Tennessee Valley Authority, Tennessee Valley Authority Police (TVAP)
·      Office of Inspector General (TVA OIG)
·      Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC)
·      Office of Inspector General (NRC OIG)
·      National Science Foundation (NSF)
·      Office of the Inspector General (NSF OIG)
·      National Archives and Records Administration (NARA)
·      Office of the Inspector General (NARA OIG)
·      Railroad Retirement Board (RRB)
·      Office of Inspector General (RRB OIG)
·      Small Business Administration (SBA)
·      Office of Inspector General (SBA OIG)
·      Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC)
·      Office of Inspector General (FDIC OIG)
·      General Services Administration (GSA)
·      Office of Inspector General (GSA OIG)
·      Social Security Administration (SSA)
·      Office of Inspector General (SSA OIG)
·      United States Agency for International Development
·      Office of Inspector General (AID OIG)
·      Corporation for National and Community Service (CNCS)
·      Office of the Inspector General (CNCS OIG)

List of former agencies and units of agencies

·      Bureau of Internal Revenue, Narcotic Division (1921-1927) (transferred to Bureau of Prohibition)
·      Bureau of Prohibition, Narcotic Division (1927-1930) (merged into Federal Bureau of Narcotics)
·      Federal Narcotics Control Board (FNCB) (1922-1930) (merged into Federal Bureau of Narcotics)
·      Federal Bureau of Narcotics (FBN) (1930-1968) (merged into Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs)
·      Bureau of Drug Abuse Control (1966-1968) (merged into Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs)
·      Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs (BNDD) (1968-1973) (merged into Drug Enforcement Administration)
·      Office of Drug Abuse Law Enforcement (ODALE) (1972-1973) (merged into Drug Enforcement Administration)

In 2004, federal agencies employed approximately 105,000 full-time personnel authorized to make arrests and carry firearms in the 50 states and the District of Columbia. Compared with 2002, employment of such personnel increased by 13%.

Officially, as of 2009, the federal government employed 2.8 million individuals out of a total U.S. workforce of 236 million — just over 1.7 percent of the workforce. But it's not quite as simple as that. Add in uniformed military personnel, and the figure goes up to just under 4.4 million.
January 2015, there were 22 million people working in government jobs. This is around 14% of the labor force and 7% of the total population. These numbers include non-citizens, approximately 7% of the population.

Now remember numbers can be recalculated and sorted to prove your point, but this is just to show approximately how many of us who are of working age and ability and accessible to opportunities with skills and education to have a daily job might work for ourselves instead of others.
Our government is a giant spider web of confusion that we pay for to keep our families safe from foreign intervention and provide safety regulations to keep us from drinking lead out of our tap water or fear getting into an elevator or an airplane. Our officials keep the food safe from regurgitation and our vehicles traveling without losing contact with our GPS and getting lost. Our government even tries to tell us how we should appreciate our diversity while resisting new visitors. Our elected officials file reams of paper and hours of talk, talk, and talk while on the midnight shows become the mockery of the people who voted for them.
Nope, never held down a ‘governmental’ job, but it is just another company with it’s layers of bureaucracy and ambitions and accountants and agendas and at the end of the day wants to go home proud of the accomplishments that can be written up on the next report.
More and more technology reveals the daily workings not scene since the Watergate hearings and we are mesmerized. There just aren’t enough hours in the day to follow the entire goings on or comprehend how our representatives decide to rule our lives.
If you noticed (and women) in the title of this rambling, there was a purpose. When women (girls, gals, chicks, babes….) make the same pay as the other gender, they are still secondary citizens. 
I can’t think it for you; you’ll have to decide, 
if Judas Iscariot had God on his side?