Friday, August 29, 2008


The president who follow the assignation of a president would be 100 years old today.

Did he know what he was doing?
Did he feed the poor?
Did he make poverty go away?
Did he make a diverse nation the same?
Did he try?
Did we let him?
Good bye Lyndon. 
Remember the whole world was watching.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Parrot Heads and Big Round Ears

What do you say to someone who loves the laid back grooving tunes of the Buffetman and enjoy the fantasy paradise of the Mouseworld?

When kids don’t grow up and continue to live their dreams.

When the normal is fiction and the fact is the corporate world.

Where every day’s adventure is full of paranoia and fear.

Where people laugh under their speech to hide the possibility they may be having “fun”.

Fun is forbidden.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Walking Sideways

Reaching for the future. Making that lunge to get ahead. Left foot out. Lean forward. 

But if there are obstacles, what do you do? Suppose there is no space. The path is filled with complications. 

Do you move back and take another approach? Do you stop and let the future get away? 

Or can you walk sideways? 

Be flexible to move around the obstacles, overcome the complicatons of life and stretch to your vision.

You may not get where you want to go as fast, but you will grow with the experience of getting there.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The Affair That Never Happened

Every relationship has it's moments when things don't seem to be going right. 

Some of us stay and tough it out. Some of use stray. Some of us drop the ball and run. 

Opportunities present themselves everyday. New people. New connections. And possible emotional ties. 

Egos lead a lot of the perception of what relationships should be. What is the real and what is the make believe? 

Early in life, relationships were short and rocky. Much of that was a insecure emotional structure gained by years of dysfunction. Paper thin confidence. 

And as the relationships continues, other personalities reflect in the mind. Perhaps it was a look or a word or a suggestion or a kiss or a warm hug. An embrace that was not deflected. 

A look in the eye which spoke of a different future. Or a momentary lapse from the rocky road ahead. 

A simple smile and a deep look can tell one another what could be if.....

Friday, August 22, 2008

Taking Orders

I don't like taking orders. I grinds against my grain. I would not be good in the military. I may not be good in marriage. 

I don't mind following instructions. I can take directions. I can listen to mentoring. 
But I can not follow orders. 

Don't tell me what to do. Don't tell me when to do it. Don't tell me how to live my life. 

Everyone has the chance to compromise and make decisions, but no one and I repeat, no one should be able to order another to follow their commands. 

Even animals do not obey. They act according to food or affection. 

So do not give me orders. I will not take orders.

"Would you like fries with that?"

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Cooking Out

Grilling has become my favorite outdoor sport. It must be the mystic of man vs fire. Will the man win or will the meal scorch?

I use a charcoal grill (unlike the image above). It is basic fire. Get the charcoal that is pre-soaked with lighter fluid, pile around the bottom, light a match and stand back. Whoosh! That beginning of a afternoon or evening of sitting beside the fire, burning meat.

Oh yes and vegetables. Kabobs, corn in their shucks, Mushrooms, potatoes, tomatoes, onions.....

The list goes on and on. Of course there are some foods that do not work well on the grill. Celery comes to mind.

The summertime favorite is hot dogs. It's easy, fast and last for a week. Get a package of red hots, place each gingerly on the grill slots and close the lid. Have a beer, watch some baseball, listen to a few tunes, then come back and raise the lid.

Once you blow the smoke out of your face, grab your tongs (there is another whole posting for this unique instrument) and turn the dogs so the red side faces the fire and the charred side faces away from the fire. Pretty easy huh?

Grab another beer, listen to some more tunes, but never wander too far from the smoking area.

And remember, hot dogs don't drip like steak and hamburgers, so they don't cool the coals. The fire burns fast and hot. The big plump hot dog will plump up and split if it gets too fat.

But there is the danger of overcooking a plump hot dog causing shrinkage. One or two of these charcoal wonders may fall through the grate and become sacrifices to the fire gods. That's OK. It's additional seasoning.

Grab those surviving bad boys and slap them into aluminum wrap. Fold them up and place them in the fridge. They can be quickly placed in a bun and popped in the microwave for .30 seconds to become a quick meal. Two if you are really hungry.

And if you grow tired of burnt weenies every night, feed them to the dog.

Now I'm no grill master. I don't use special rubs or sauces, though I do enjoy reading about them. Shoot, I don't even clean the grill until I'm ready to cook again.
But it is soothing about sitting by the fire and watch the smoke rise and listing to the splatter of grease popping on the embers.

And remember boys and girls. Safety tip from Smokey the Bear.
Always have a bucket of water handy.
I know. I cooked a turkey once and burnt my eyebrows off.
* Thanks Gary for the image.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Legend of the Pig and the Flower

The legend of the pig and the flower is a beautiful story
told by my people in song and dance

Then the pig came upon the bush
There he saw a very large flower growing,
A very larger purple flower
The only one for miles around

And then the pig flew deeply in love with the flower
And then he confessed his love
And the flower said “You’re a pig
And you are extremely dirty, even for a pig”.

Then the pig began to weep
And the flower took pity on the pig and said
“I will love you when you are clean”

And the pig’s heart swelled with joy
And he went down to the river to wash himself
And he stepped into the water
And was eaten by a crocodile.

In my country, it is said, the centipede has a thousand legs but he can not tap dance.
Well it loses a little something in the translation.

Guru Grindl, Candy


Patience is a virtue.

The ability to endure waiting, delay or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset.

Persevere calmly when faced with difficulties.

Stamina. The ability to keep doing something or keep trying, especially over long periods of time.

Endurance. The ability or power to bear prolonged exertion, pain, or hardship.

Tolerance. The quiet endurance of a situation.

Resilience. The ability to recover quickly from setbacks.

Elasticity. The ability of matter to spring back quickly into shape after being bent, stretch, or deformed.

Serenity. Without worry, stress, or disturbance.

Calm. The ability to behave in a controlled and calm manner even in a difficult or stressful situation.

Tranquility. Peace of mind. Composure.

Try these in the hectic pace of today’s life.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Remembering Candy

In 1968, a movie appeared called “Candy”. It was sort of a hippy dippy take off of the book which became a best seller “dirty book” in the late 50’s. Everyone read it. Like “Lolita”, it used children to explore the sexual revolution of the time. Morals were changing in the late 50’s to the explosion in the 60’s, but this was taboo.

When the movie came out, my apartment was decorated with Playboy centerfolds. Viva the revolution. But what made me want to see the movie, since I had read every “dirty” book I could find, was Ringo Starr, the Beatle drummer, was in it.

I don’t remember if I went with someone else, but I plopped down my buck (movies were cheaper back then) and entered the Capitol theater, which has now been demolished.

What caught my eye (and ear) was the psychedelic beginning. Drifting light with these strange electric guitar sounds. The soundtrack written by Dave Grusin (later saw him with Joni Mitchell) and the Byrds. The soundtrack so impressed me I bought the record. The power force of the soundtrack was a new breakthrough band, Steppenwolf.

The book dealt with a teenager’s exploration into a physical world. The movie was short vignettes for famous stars to appear in early soft porn.

But before I go too far, let me give you the plot.

Candy Christian (played by newcomer Ewa Aulin, a Swedish beauty champion) is an innocent young girl when she first hears MacPhisto (played by Richard Burton with air blowing only on him to make his scarf wave in the breeze), an alcoholic Welsh poet, talk of love and self-sacrifice. Candy narrowly escapes MacPhisto's attempt to rape her, only to succumb to her father's Mexican gardener, Emmanuel (sadly played by Ringo Starr – stick with the drum sticks). When her father ( played in a dual role by John Astin - remember the Adams’ Family) catches her with the gardener, he banishes her to a trip with his twin brother, Uncle Jack, and Jack's wife Aunt Livia,(very sexy role for Elsa Martinelli) who are headed for New York City. As Candy makes her way to the airport, Emmanuel's three sisters attack her because she has corrupted their brother. Because of Candy, Emmanuel has now forsaken the priesthood. During the scuffle, Candy's father takes a blow to the head, resulting in a serious head injury. Candy nearly gives in to a General Smight (by a smirking Walter Matthau – remember the Odd Couple ) on the plane in exchange for a blood transfusion for her father. In New York, an ego-maniacal brain surgeon Dr. Krankeit (by James Coburn – check out In Like Flint) operates on her father, while Uncle Jack pursues his own operation on Candy. When Candy bashes him with a bedpan, Uncle Jack is put in her father's hospital bed, while her father wanders away without notice. Candy is now free to visit Greenwich Village where she takes part in a film by an underground movie director Jonathan J. John.(Enrico Maria Salerno) It's a pornographic film, shot in a public restroom. Next, Candy becomes the pet of a benevolent hunchback (Charles Aznavour) in Central Park, but she escapes from his arch criminal into the truck trailer of Guru Grindl (Marlon Brando). During the drive to California, Grindl initiates her into the mysteries of the Seventh Stage and other secrets of life. In California, Candy seeks the Great Buddah, who will reveal to her the ultimate stage. In her search, she encounter a filthy hermit who leads her to a temple. There Candy and the hermit have sex. When a deluge destroys the temple and washes the hermit clean. Candy recognizes that the hermit is really her wandering father. Again Candy runs away to more trouble. The final time, however, she finds herself in a hippie orgy, reunited with her past sexual partners.

Also in the movie was Anita Pallenberg, Keith Richard’s girlfriend, Fabian Dean, a former hot throb singer as a police sergeant, and Buck Henry as a mental patient.

Buck Henry was also given screenplay credits with Mason Hoffenberg and Terry Southern from the novel. The next year Southern went on to write Easy Rider with Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda

And the reviews? Here is a typical one.

reviewed by Shane Burridge

Oh, those 60s. Extravagant version of the novel by Terry Southern and Mason Hoffenberg is a lot of fun when seen with an audience in a theater; on television it may seem fairly pointless. It has great curio value because it is so patently a product of its time - witness its wild editing, camp atmosphere, and rock soundtrack. But more importantly notice its playfulness - we really don't care that the entire film crew is reflected in a giant mirror near the end, because it seems so appropriate for the era. At a time when directors and actors were turning the lens back on to themselves to deliberately break through the 'fourth wall' of the cinema and remind us all that 'it's only a movie' it was inevitable that several 60s productions would turn out embarrassingly trite or pretentious. Not so CANDY - like its heroine it is infused with a sense of reckless innocence. Sure, it's self-indulgent and paints its satire with a broad brush, but if anything it's even more fun to watch now than it was in its own time.
Both novel and film are slim reworkings of Voltaire's 'Candide', which dealt with the misadventures of a youth in a society of dubious philosophy, religion, and morality. The update is irrelevant for the film experience - as a screenplay CANDY could have been invented purely for the cinema (it certainly had to abandon the more pornographic elements of the book). Swedish teenager Ewa Aulin plays the title character in a suitably vacant manner (it's hard to tell whether she can act or not because she is only given one sentence at a time, and it is nearly always a reaction or a question); consequently it's easy to pass over how well she fits the role. She really does capture an oblivious aspect of Candy that prevents us from being truly annoyed with her. It's just as well, because take a look at who she's up against - a bombastic, lecherous Richard Burton, an egotistical, lecherous James Coburn, and guru-like, lecherous Marlon Brando. Throw in John Astin, Ringo Starr, Walter Matthew (all lecherous) and a few extras including an Italian director and a hunchback, and you'll see that Candy barely manages to get a word in edgewise. At the time of CANDY's release some critics saw the involvement of big-name stars as an embarrassment worth celebrating in their columns, but as is most often the case with such things the film has endured while the notices have been forgotten - modern audiences don't mind seeing Brando and Burton play-acting instead of method acting.
Of course, Candy is no spokesperson for any women's movement, and with very little correlation between her constant disrobing and the story's satirical comment (against the military, the police, the literati, religion, the medical profession, and even film-making) she appears as a very doubtful heroine indeed. In some ways she is like BARBARELLA (also released in 1968, and with a screenplay by Southern) and the cosmic visions that open and close the film allude to her as a traveler through space and time, journeying from one outlandish event to another, sampling each in turn. For this reason I don't see Aulin's Candy as being a victim but rather an observer - most importantly, she appears unchanged by any of her liaisons except the last, at which point she has seen enough and transcends her own status of a character, almost literally walking out of her own movie to find re-invention elsewhere. Is Candy an extra-terrestrial visitor? It would explain her naiveté but not her background - unless her family and school are also fabrications. Fortunately such speculation is brushed over lightly, sidestepping likely charges of pretension against the film (I don't know if this idea is presented in the novel). This is less brain candy than it is eye candy. It would make a good double bill with THE MAGIC CHRISTIAN, if only because of the involvement of Ringo and Southern in both, but then again that might be a tad too much for one sitting! Energetically directed by Christian Marquand. It looks and sounds great in a cinema, so watch for prints in revival houses.


Sixties Filmmaking is Decadent and Depraved: Candy
By J. Lawrence Scholer Monday, May 13, 2002

Take a twenty year-old Swedish beauty queen with minimal acting experience and cast her in the role of the All-American high schooler. Take a novel by the man who wrote the screenplays for movies like Dr. Strangelove, Barbarella, and Easy Rider. Add an obscure French director making his directorial debut. The result is Candy, the 1968 film based on the novel of the same name by Terry Southern. The film was released on DVD last year, having been virtually extinct for three decades.
When Terry Southern and Mason Hoffenberg published Candy, controversy ensued to no one's surprise. Southern, who was working on a children's book at the time, and Hoffenberg, both expatriates in Paris, wrote under the pseudonym Maxwell Kenton, whom Southern described as an 'American nuclear physicist.' The deviant content of the book drew it both praise and scorn—Candy was initially banned in England. Nevertheless, it made Southern famous, selling thousands of copies.
Christian Marquand adapted the novel into a motion picture ten years later. The film, however, was received coldly and largely ignored by audiences. Audiences criticized the lack of a coherent plot and bashed the embarrassing roles played by respectable actors—like Richard Burton slurping whiskey from the floor of a limousine and Marlon Brando as a sleazy guru. Candy was a by-product of the psychedelic Sixties, done by filmmakers immersed in the prevailing culture and, according to rumors, high on acid.
Candy Christian (Ewa Aulin) is the blond, blue-eyed All-American girl—one must ignore her Germanic accent. She exudes innocence and naivete, incredibly attractive but not too bright. Highly impressionable, Candy adopts the philosophy of the famous poet McPhisto (Richard Burton)—'to give whatever needs me.' And, with a cast of lusty men, what Candy gives to nearly everyone she meets is no surprise.
The great poet McPhisto spots Candy as he prepares to recite poetry at her high school auditorium. He invites Candy into his limousine to give her a ride home. There it is established that a drunken McPhisto 'needs' young Candy and he forces himself upon the poor girl despite her pleas of 'I'm not ready.' Candy and McPhisto struggle on the glass-bottomed limousine—glass-bottomed for no reason other than to provide some interesting cinematography and some shots up Candy's dress. Candy thrives on the unnecessary; the filmmakers seem to bask in their power, suggesting, 'We'll have a glass-bottomed limousine because we can. Plus, it looks cool.'
Moments after escaping from McPhisto, Candy again must give herself—this time to her Mexican gardener, Emmanuel (Ringo Starr). This was Ringo's first role outside of his films with the Beatles, and that he was cast as a Mexican gardener must be some kind of inside joke. His attempt at a Mexican accent is no match for the prevailing Liverpudlian drawl. When McPhisto identifies Ringo as 'You with the face of an Aztec,' one can't help but grimace and laugh uncomfortably. McPhisto urges Emmanuel to give himself to Candy, and he does, yelling 'La Revolucion,' throwing her onto a pool table, and violently attempting to remove her dress and undergarments. Candy urges Emmanuel to relent to no avail, but she relents and appears to enjoy Emmanuel's advances.
Such is the progression of the movie. Candy travels across the country never failing to give herself to whoever needs her. She encounters an extremely frustrated general (Walter Matthau), an insane physician (James Coburn), a hunchback (Charles Aznavour), and a false guru (Marlon Brando), all of whom partake of Candy's generosity. Candy also gives herself to her uncle (she's sleeping), her father (he's disguised in a robe and plaster), and a statue of a Hindu god.
Candy is a satire of the prevailing culture of the 1960s—strange for a film that sates itself with the excesses of the period. The cynicism of the film is overwhelming. The public schools are framed as patriotic citizen builders—Candy is assigned an essay on 'the citizen's responsibility to his government, his church, his school, his parents, his community, and his local police force.' Artists are portrayed as publicity hungry and drunken fools. McPhisto (inspired by Dylan Thomas), upon hearing Candy's name, says, 'Candy, beautiful name. It has the spirit, the sound of the Old Testament.' The medical profession is portrayed as exploitative and experimental. Candy's father has an operation in front of a crowd of New York's finest where the surgeon says 'We're going to throw the book away and dig in,' before prodding recklessly in the man's skull. Even filmmakers take a drubbing. Candy meets a Cuban filmmaker named G3, who is busy gathering material for his new work of people saying 'no.'
After an hour and a half of watching Candy fall victim to every male she encounters, the episodes become somewhat tiresome and one begins to feel bad for the poor girl. The film is relentless as Candy becomes a student of a guru who resides in the trailer of a eighteen-wheeler. The guru, Grindle, wants to lead Candy to the 'void' by taking her through the necessary steps—the 'seven stages.' Stage one attempts to locate the center of all breath—not Candy's lungs—and stage two is the removal of Candy's clothes. The rest of the stages follow a natural progression.
Critics and audiences panned Candy for lack of a coherent storyline, and, at one point in the film, Candy asks rhetorically, 'What does it all mean?' as she faces a underground chamber of Hindu icons. Is this a question for the director? Did Marquand just piece together a series of random acts with the theme of Candy getting violated in each? Or, is the film suggesting something? Perhaps, Marquand is indicting his society, one where the most innocent of people is corrupted by hungry monsters. Marquand's is a society where no remnant of idealism can survive, except for Marquand's idealism as portrayed in this film.
Candy is distinctively Terry Southern—quirky with strange sexual mores. Anyone who has seen Barbarella (which Southern adapted to the screen) can immediately connect these two films. Both feature extremely na've and attractive female leads who end up mingling with strange men and eventually sleeping with them. Barbarella takes place in space while Candy takes place on earth.
One's first impulse is to think, 'What sluts!' but that really doesn't seem to fit. Both Candy and Barbarella, however, seem to have transcended traditional morals in their search for themselves. All the men who take advantage of Candy are real scumbags, but Candy's virtue is unquestionable.
Marquand, while getting Southern's main point, often neglects Southern's voice in the film. In the novel, Southern scatters throughout the dialogue small details that recall Southern's earlier work—such details that reflect very much on Candy's character and basis. In the novel, Candy frequently remarks, 'N...O...spells NO!' Not much of a detail—except that it is drawn from Southern's Gonzo piece (done years before Hunter S. Thompson coined the term), 'Twirling at Ole Miss,' in which he observes a baton twirling camp in Oxford, Mississippi. The phrase was uttered to Southern when he offered one teen baton twirler a bottle of moonshine. Could these five hundred pubescent girls in skimpy baton twirling outfits have inspired the character Candy? They might have done just that, and it is unfortunate the filmmakers neglected this.
Despite its shortcomings Candy provides for an strangely enjoyable two hours. What many viewed as lack of coherent plot can be attributed to the influence of Voltaire's Candide. So when someone asks, 'How can those cops be racing across the California desert—I thought they crashed into that bar of transvestites back in New York?' just remind them of all the strange places that Professor Pangloss appeared. The film, by naturem, is not supposed to be rational—it is anti-rational.
Candy is a deeply cynical film, bashing nearly every American establishment possible. The characters in Candy are incredibly depraved and selfish (except for Candy, of course). The filmmakers, however, are conscious of what they are doing—conscious of their excesses. In the final sequence, the crazed filmmaker G3 stands in a grassy meadow and begins filming himself in a giant mirror that rises out of the grass. The film crew is seen behind him—cameramen, grips, gaffers. Yes, Candy pokes fun at Sixties establishments and excesses, but, at the same time, Candy is guilty of the same things. But the filmmakers don't seem to care—after all, it is the Sixties.

So last night, I opened the DVD I had found on Amazon and watched this 40 year old film again. It still made me laugh. And the music holds up nicely.

And it’s still hot. Just enough voyeurism to entice the imagination. A brief show of tush, soft skin, and a flash of pink under long blond hair, behind gaze and suggestive positions. Ah, what a wonder world it was then. Barbarella should arrive tonight.

At least the soundtrack got “There’s No Business Like Show Business” by Flo and Eddie out of my mind.

Monday, August 18, 2008



Dramatis Personae

LT. BRADSHAW, Flatfoot
DAN HAYBER, Catherwood
POP, Gas station attendant

NARRATOR: Los Angeles ... he walks again by night. (Whistling off stage) Out of the fog and into the smog. (cough) Relentlessly ... ruthlessly ... ("I wonder where Ruth is?") doggedly. (ruff ruff) ("Ow!") Doggies weekly meeting with the unknown. At 4th and Drucker he turns left. At Drucker and 4th he turns right. He crosses McArther Park and walks into a gray sandstone building. ("Oh! My nose!") Groping for the door he steps inside; (telephone ringing) climbs the 13 stairs to his office. He walks in. He’s ready for mystery. He's ready for excitement. He’s ready for anything. He's…

NICK: (picking up the ringing phone) Nick Danger ... Third Eye.

Voice on phone: Ah I wanna order a ... to go and no anchovies.

NICK: No anchovies? you've have the wrong man. I spell my name
Danger. (hangs up phone)

Voice on phone: What?

NARRATOR: The makers of Fantastic Cigarettes: Long on the Leaf and Sort In the Can...brings you another true story from the tattered case book of "NICK DANGER, Third Eye." Let's join him now in the adventure we call... "CUT HIM OFF AT THE PASS"... (music)

NICK: Let's get down to business. Uncross those beautiful stems of yours, baby. Herets the case I call number 666. It all began innocently enough on Tuesday. I was sitting in my office on that drizzly afternoon listening to the melodious staccato of rain on my desktop and reading my name on the glass of the office door...REGNAD KCIN. My secretary lay snoring on the floor. Her beautiful gams pinioned under the couch. I didn't hear him enter, but my nostrils flared at the smell of his perfume ... Pyramid Patrolee. There was only one joker In L.A. sensitive enough to wear that scent, and I had to find out who he was.

ROCKY RACCOCOA: Good afternoon Mister Danger. I'm Rocky Raccocoa.

NICK: Thanks half-pint, you just saved me a lot of investigative work.

R.R.: Maybe yes, maybe no. Do you know what this is?

NICK: (thinking - "I had to think for a minute. What cool game was he playing?") Ah ... that's a brown paper bag.

R.R.: That's correct. Now look inside Mr. Danger ... what do you see?

NICK: That's easy ... that's a pickle.

R.R.: Very good. Now I think you are ready for this ... (excited)

NICK: Why that's nothing but a two-bit ring from a cracker back jox.

R.R.: I'll sell it to you for $5,000.

NICK: Aha ... what kind of chump do you take me for?

R.R.: First class.

NICK: That tarnished piece of tin is worthless.

R.R.: Worhless ... hee hee hee hee hack hack... not to Malanie Hayber.

NICK: Melanie Hayber????

R.R.: You may remember her as Audrey Farmer

NICK: Audrey Farber????

R.R.: Susan Underhill???

NICK: Susan Underhill????

R.R.: How about Betty Joe Beoloskl???

NICK: (thinking Betty Joe Beoloski. I hadn’t heard that name since college. Everyone knew her as Nancy. Then it all came rushing back to me like the hot kiss at the end of a wet fist. It was pit night at the old Neiamee Pamee Sigma house ... we had escaped from the crowd and stood trembling under the dwarf maples.) ... fades out.


NANCY: Oh, oh, Nicky. Why I don't know what to say. This...this is the most beautiful ring I've ever seen.

NICK: Yeah Nancy, it's really neat. it cost me $5,000.

NANCY: Oh Nicky ... I...oh, how can I ever repay you?

NICK: Well, gee whiz Nancy. How about $500 down and a 36 month contract?

NANCY: What??

NICK:... or you could marry me.

NANCY: (serious tone) That's impossible Nick. I can't marry you. I can't even tell you why. Maybe someday.

NICK: All right Nancy. I understand. Sign here.

NANCY: Oh Nick, I'll never forgive you.

NICK: And I'll never forget you either, Nancy ... (fades out)

NICK: (on phone) ... and that's why I called you today, Nancy ... I mean, Mrs. Hayber. Something reminded me of that time so long ago under the dwarf maples.

NANCY: (excited) I don't know what prompted you to get in touch with me, but you called just in the nick of time.

NICK: You haven't lost your delicate sense of humor have you, Nancy?

NANCY: What? ... Nick...I can't talk to you now. You'll have to get out here right away. My husband ... he...ah, it’s the same old place in Santa Barbara ... Nicky ... oh hurry Nicky...l need you...( can't .... ahhhhh...(buzzzzzzz).

NICK: Nancy??? ... (thought-I slipped the ring into my nose and the receiver into my pocket and headed for the door quickly, but I'd forgotten the little man with the evil grin.)

R.R. Just a second, Danger ... What about my pickle?

NICK: (Angered) you’re lucky you still have your brown paper bag, small change.

R.R.: Ahh, Danger. You haven't seen the last of me.

NICK: No ... but the first of you turns my stomach.

R.R.: (voice fading out) you’ll be hearing from me again, Danger.

NICK: (thinking-111 headed down the hall in the opposite direction toward the fire escape. I hadn't a moment to lose.)

BRAD: Hey, Danger!

NICK: Ahhhhh

BRAD: Where's the fire?

NICK: (turning) In your eyes, Lt. Bradshaw.

BRAD: Don't get wise with me, peeper ... you’re lucky we didn't burn you on that Enselmo Peteraski case

NICK: (annoyingly) Look... you caught him, didn't you?

BRAD: Yeah, but the punk got away ... no thanks to you.

NICK: hee hee ... Well what brings your flatfeet sniffing around here now, copper?

BRAD: Just a friendly word of advice, Danger.

NICK: yeah ... what?

BRAD: Don't go sticking your nose into police business.

NICK: Sure lieutenant ... is that all?

BRAD: No. Don't talk with your mouth full.

NICK: O.K. Bradshaw.

BRAD: And don't fidget while I talk to you

NICK: Sure lieutenant.

BRAD:(voice fading out) And stop tracking mud across my nice clean floor.


NICK: (thinking- "When I hit the street the rain had already turned L.A. into a mud river. It was a short swim down Eldorado to my convertible
((sound effects-SQUEAL))l had to get to Santa Barbara in a big hurry. As I whipped onto Mohollan Drive the lights were just blinking on across the San Berdino Valley. I could barely make them out through the driving rain. Then a hard right down big Chagunga Canyon. My tires squealed as I hit San Beradino. A right, a left, a left, a left, another right, a left to the body, a right, and into a gas station.") ((sound effects of a car squealing to a halt))


POP: All right... all right... hold your horses ... I'm coming ... ayeh.

NICK: Where am I??

POP: You can't get there from here.

NICK: But I'm looking for the same old place.

POP: Oh, you must mean the old Same Place, sonny ... it's right out back's the key.

NICK: (thinking-Four hours later, I parked my car in the carriage house and walked up the grey graveled driveway between a line of dwarf maples toward the pillowed entrance of the Same Mansion. It had been snowing in Santa Barbara ever since the fop of the page and I had to shake the corn starch off my mukluks as I lifted the heavy osmium doorknocker.)

N I CK: Hey in there ... open up ... your doorknocker just fell off.

CATHERWOOD: What's all this brew-ha-ha?

NICK: Brew-ha-ha??

CATHERWOOD AND DANGER: Ha ha ... ha ha ... hahahahaha ... ummph. (door slams)

NICK: Hey, wait a minute ... don't you want this doorknocker?

CATHERWOOD- Thanks, but we already have one

NICK:But this is yours.

CATHERWOOD: You see: I told you. We used to have another one, but he vanished mysteriously. (opens door) All right, come in out of the corn starch and dry your mukluks by the fire. Let me introduce myself ... I am Nick Danger.

NICK: No, let me introduce myself ... I am Nick Danger.

CATHERWOOD: If you're so smart why don't you pick up your cues faster?

NICK: Are those my cues??

CATHERWOOD: Yes, and they should be dry by now. Why don't you pull them up out of the cellophane before they scorch? All right sir, now may I take your hat and coat?

NICK: Yes.

CATHERWOOD:I assume you come to see my mistress, Mr. Danger?

NICK: I don't care about your private life or what his name is.
I've come to see Nancy ... er ah ... Mrs. Hayber.

CATHERWOOD: Mrs. Hayber?

NICK: Audrey Farber?

CATHERWOOD: Audrey Farber??

NICK: How about Betty Joe Beoloski???

CATHERWOOD: Oh ... you mean Nancy. Well, she's in the aviary studying
trees. I shall return with her straight away. You may wait herb in the sitting room or you can sit here in the waiting room.

NICK: (thinking- There was something fishy about the butler. I think he was a Pisces, probably working for S.C.A.L.E. I felt a thin shiver run up my spine as I sat down on the cold marble floor. What was it about this place? The atmosphere was as phony as the Tutor balustrade that leered at me from the top of the staircase ... and there she stood. Radiant ... all those curves showing through that flimsy vamooses.)

NANCY:(excited) Nick

NICK:(still thinking- if was Nancy running down the stairs. All the familiar sounds and smells of Pig Night came rushing back like a good snort of Scotch. Then it struck me... 20 years later and she still knocked me out.) ((sound effects-SOCK!, thud))

NANCY:(slapping sound) Oh Nlcky, oh N!cky...wake up ... are you
all right ... Nicky, Nicky, Nicky...

NICK: Ahh ... where am I ... yes.

NANCY: Oh, then stop slapping me (slapping stops)

NICK: Oh, Nancy. What’s the birds-eye low-down on this caper ...
(aside) whatever that means.

NANCY: (muffled voice) We can't talk here.

NICK: What do you mean we can't talk ... you're right. We can’t. What shall we do?

NANCY:. Follow me ... this way. (pause) This is much better. We’re at the chapel now. It's sound proof so no one can hear us.

NICK: What did you say?

NANCY: I said no one can..ah.
NICK: What?

NANCY: Never mind ... follow me.

NICK: What???

NANCY: Here take my hand...this way ... (pause) This is much better.

NICK: Yeah... huh, pretty fancy layout you got here, Nancy ... what's this... your boudoir?

NANCY: Oh no. These are the kennels.

NICK: Putting on the dog eh..ha ha ha ah say where are all the doggies?

NANCY: They've mysteriously disappeared.

NICK: Oh yeah?

NANCY: Yes, I just told you. Along with all the servants. They were very attached to one another.

NICK: Where?

NANCY: At the wrist and ankles.

NICK: Wait a minute ... you said all the servants had disappeared.

NANCY: Did I ??

NICK: What about the butler???


CATHERWOOD: Yes madam..

NANCY: (surprised) Oh..ah..ha ha..oh Catherwood..ha ha..YOU startled me.

CATHERWOOD: I'm sorry madam.

NANCY: What are you doing down on all fours?

CATHERWOOD: I'm looking for my script. Why don’t you just go on without me.

NICK: Listen Nancy, I smell a rat.

CATHERWOOD: So do I..I think he's got my script.

NICK: This is awful.

NANCY: Yes ... listen Catherwood ... you look for it, all right?

NICK: Pee you!

CATHERWOOD: Alright Madam. (goes off singing "Monday, Monday" by the Mamas and the Papas)

NANCY: Ah, quickly Nicky ... through this secret panel over here ... this way.

NICK: All right (moans of squeezing through)

NANCY AND NICK: This is the portrait gallery. (pause) This is the portrait (chuckle)

NANCY: There's an echo in here. This is the portrait gallery, Nick. (sexy) No one can find us here.

NICK: All right Nancy ...

NANCYAND NICK: (excited) Get your hands off me

NICK: What's the scoop?

NANCY: Chocolate, butterscotch, or Rocky Raccocoa ... ah ... Road.

NICK: (thinking - That reminded me how had she gotten herself involved with that slimy weasel Raccoca, and how do I make my voice do this?)

NANCY: Oh Nicky, Nicky, Nicky ... it all began 20 years ago with the mysterious disappearance of my husband.

NICK: You mean you were already married when I sold you that ring?
(thinking- No wonder she hadn't been able to meet the payment.)

NANCY: What?

NICK: So that was your secret. Oh, what a sap I’ve been.

NANCY: Oh yes, but that night the strangest thing happened.

NICK: (chuckling) Hum ... that usually goes along with being just married. Ha Ha Ha

NANCY: My husband, Johnny, he ... oh, Nicky, I want to tell you the horrible
truth. The whole truth. All of it. The man behind everything.

CATHERWOOD: Tea, madam?

NANCY: (scream)

NICK: (confused coolness) Oh ... let me handle this, Nancy. Far-out, Catherwood. Just... just roll a couple of bummers and leave them on the side table.

CATHERWOOD: yes, madam. (crashing sound) Oh, I say. Pardon me, madam, I seemed to have crushed it. It's been such a long exposition, you know. I'm so tired.

NICK: Catherwood.


NICK: Catherwood can't you see that you're upsetting Nancy. Leave us alone.

CATHERWOOD: Well, how much would you like, sir? $500? $1,000?


CATHERWOOD: Oh, of course, sir. Uk uk pacuk

NICK: Gesundheit

CATHERWOOD: Yes, (singing the Beatles "I'm So Tired" and fade out)

NICK: All right, Nancy, go on with your story. Start with your, with your dreadful secret.

NANCY: Oh. Nick. I can't ... I can't. I'm so confused.

NICK: Well, why don't you just put your thumb next to your line. See ... like this.

NANCY: Huh??

NICK: This way I don't get confused. I never lose my place.

NANCY: I feel faint. The whole world Is spinning.

NICK: Well, that's lucky for us, Nancy. If it were flat, all the Chinese would fall off.

NANCY: (faints) Ahhhh...

NICK: Why she's no fun ... she fell right over. Wait a minute. Didn't I say that line on the other side of the record? Where am I? I better check. (plays tape back--kcehc retteb I? I ma erehw ? drocer eht of edis rehto eht enil that yas I t'nidk) It's O.K. They're speaking Chinese. Poor Nancy. She's fainted. I'll just wrap her shirt around her head like this, to keep her warm .... now, I'll press her body close to mine to keep me warm. (thinking- She looked so helpless there...spread eagle on the floor. I beat the eagle off and gave her a quick mouth-to-mouth resuscitation job. And then it struck me. (sound effect-Socko) What a sap she had. (faints-ahh)

CATHERWOOD: Ah, good girl, Nancy. That ought to hold him for a while.

NANCY: Oh poor Nicky. He's bleeding. I'll tear this strip off my petticoat.
(sound effect-Rippp)

CATHERWOOD: Sure ... if you want to.

NANCY: Ah, there...You tie him up with this. I'll go through his pockets.

NICK:(in unconscious stupor-OOOOHHHHHO)

CATHERWOOD: Ah careful ... careful...don't wake him up. Shhh...that contract must be on him somewhere.

NICK:(in unconscious stupor) oohh Audrey

R.R.:(opening door) You fuels


R.R.: Haven't you found the contract yet? Your time is almost up.

CATHERWOOD: Raccocoa, you slimy black-me-luck, how did you get in here? You don't have a key.

R.R.: No ... only half a key.


R.R.: I had to split It with the sound effects man.

Sound effects man off-stage: Thanks Rocky

R.R.: Where's the contract, you absent minded old frog?

NANCY: Wait a minute...walt a minute ... here it is. I found it. It was taped to his leg.

R.R.: Give me that. (sinister chuckle- ah ha) I've got It at last.

CATHERWOOD: All right ... all right now maybe you'll leave us in peace Raccocoa.
Give me the negative.

R.R.: Of course... here it is. (Giving it to Nancy)

CATHERWOOD: (sigh) Ooh, at last. Now we're out of your evil clutches.

NANCY: Dan! Dan! Wait a minute. Look at this negative. (Holding it up to the light) It isn't us. It's an 'interesting approach, but it isn't us.

CATHERWOOD: What...what ... what ... what ... yeh ... She's right. What are you trying to pull on me, Raccocoa?

R.R.: Oh my goodness. I...] must have sent the wrong negative to the police ...I mean ... I ... I must have left your's in the car. I'll ... ah ... go get it.

CATHERWOOD: Just a second, Raccocoa. You not going nowhere until you’ve explained what you've done with that filthy piece of blackmail.

R.R.: Are you threatening me? Why you stupid toad. I ought to beat your brains out. (Pulling a pickle out from within his coat.)

NANCY: No! Put down that pickle.

CATHERWOOD: You'll never get away with this, Raccotoa

R.R.: Oh yeah? Didn't you ever see "Casa Blanca"?#*%&#*

NICK: (thinking to consciousness- The thick veil of pain lifted enough for me to eyeball the situation. Raccocoa, that sleezy weasel, how did he get in here and what was he doing with that pickle in one hand and my contract in the other? I had no choice. Nancy and the old butler were frozen with terror. I struggled quietly to my feet and flung myself head first a Racocoa’s stomach)

(sound effects of a fight scene- ah ... oh ... sock ... and 2 and 3.)

NANCY: (Bending over) Thank you ... you saved our lives.

NICK: This ain't no time for ticker tape parades, baby...get me out of these
ropes and into a good belt of scotch.

CATHERWOOD: Ah ... let me..ah...hold that contract for you, Mr. Danger.

NICK: I'll keep that contract, Catherwood, but you can take this pickle off my

NANCY:, I think you better hold on to that, Nick.

NICK: Good thinking, sweetheart. Lt. Bradshaw will need all the evidence he can get.

CATHERWOOD: Ah...yes. And ... you should stick around too, Danger. You can ...
ah... help him put all the pieces together, you know?

NICK: Right!

NANCY: No, no...a left. (sound effect-socko)

NICK: (thinking- I felt like I was being kicked in the head by the whole chorus line at Minskey's. So Nancy was in on this caper. I felt myself going under. The biggest long shot Louie at Hialeah wouldn't put a pin on my faith now. This time something told me I was "out-to-lunch". I even began to hear things ... ((Nancy: I'll never forgive you, Nick; Bradshaw: Keep your nose out of police business, Danger; Catherwood; May I take your hat and coat, sir?; R.R.: What about my pickle?))) (faints sway-
Ahhhhhhhhh ... louder then cut)

NARRATOR: We'll be back to "Nick Danger" after this message ...

BRADSHAW: All right! Hold it right where you are. I'm Lt. Bradshaw with a piece of advice for you. Now here in the studio it's all knuckles and know how, but when that red light goes off I'm just plain Harry Aims, citizen and weekend father. Now take a tip from a cop who does. Radio work can be just as dirty and exciting as hunting down public enemy number one. So when I get home, my old lady knows what I need, and how. A warm, heaping bowl full of "Loostners' Castor Oil Flakes" with real gysernviberphon. It doesn't just wash your mouth out, It cleans the whole system... right on down the line.
So come on you little rookies. Tell your mom to get on it and do it everyday. Just remember what the boys down at the precinct house sing: Oh ... it ain't no use if you ain't got the boost, the boost you get from Loostners'... LOOSTNERS".

NARRATOR: The All-Weather Breakfast. And now we return you to Act 3 of "Nick Danger, Third Eye".

NICK: (thinking- When the crazy escalator ride ended I fought my way back up to the land of the living. I came to slumped over the front seat of my own car. lying in a pool of cheap rock gut. I had a head full of ideas that were driving me insane and a mouth full of ... cotton candy)

BRADSHAW: You want some more cotton candy, Danger? It might sober you up.

NICK: (moaning) Oh ... my head.


NICK: I never thought I'd be glad to sod your ugly mug.

BRADSHAW: Save the wisecracks for the warden, Danger. I got you this time and I got you good.

NICK: What are you talking about?

BRADSHAW: Get outa that car ...

NICK: Hey! Come on..

BRADSHAW: ... If you can stand up, and keep your hands high. I got you covered.

NICK: Hey, what's this all about, Bradshaw? You know I never carry a rod.

BRADSHAW: Yeah! But it's murder what some people can do with a car and 1 got witnesses to prove It.

NANCY: (excited, sobbing) There’s the man. Keep me away from him. He did It.

BRADSHAW: Take it easy, little lady.

NICK: I don't know why you're doing this, Nancy, but it doesn't change my feeling about you.

NANCY: Oh Nick! You're such a tool! He did it!

BRADSHAW: All right, all right! Take It easy, little lady. All right, let's get these facts straight. Take this down, Henderson. O.K., professor; how did it happen?

CATHERWOOD: Well, sergeant, ah...

BRADSHAW: Lieutenant.

CATHERWOOD: Yes ... Mrs. Farber and I were sitting right here in the living room
engaged in a friendly round of spin-the-pickle ... weren't we dear.

NANCY: (sobbing) Yes

CATHERWOOD: ... with our good friend, Mr. Raccocoa.

NANCY: He did it.

CATHERWOOD: Ah yes ... and then suddenly the door flew open and this drunken mad man, right here, drove in honking wildly and headed straight for us.

NICK: He's lying.

BRADSHAW: Can it, can it, Danger. Continue

CATHERWOOD: Yeah ... and at the last possible moment he stopped on a dime.


CATHERWOOD: Unfortunately that dime was in Mr. Raccocoa’s pocket.

NICK: I’m going to break your neck, Catherwood. Let me at ‘um.

BRADSHAW: All right, all right... hold It, Danger. I've heard enough! We'll get the rest of the story down at the station house from you. I've been waiting for this for years ...

NICK: Wise up, Bradshaw.

BRADSHAW: ...week in and week out...

NICK: I didn't do it.

BRADSHAW: ... playing second fiddle while you got all the girls.

NICK: Come on ...

BRADSHAW: Well, I'm tired of being mister nice-buy, see. There's gonna be some changes made. Next week this show is gonna be called...

NARRATOR: "Sergeant Bradshaw"...

BRADSHAW: Lieutenant

NARRATOR: District Attorney.

BRADSHAW: I ... I'm going to have my own theme music and it’s gonna take place in Washington, D.C. No plots ... just girls and guys doing nice simple things up against Nazils and Fifth Columnist ... and no jewish writers either. My name in the paper...picture taken with Lindberg,...Charles Foster ... (fade out)

NICK: (thinking- I saw my chance and I took it. Bradshaw would never listen to my story now. It had more holes in it than Albert Hall. My only way out was like this ... ((fight scene- sock ... ahh))) Alright, alright, hold It everybody. Catherwood, stop It. I've got Bradshaw's rod pressed against Nancy's temple. Now you spill the beans or I'll blow her brains out.

NANCY: Nick!

CATHERWOOD: Oh my ... I ... I think you're bluffing, flatfoot.

(sound effect- gunshot and thud of body hitting the floor)

CATHERWOOD: No ... you weren't bluffing.

NICK: Alright, talk.

CATHERWOOD: It all began 20 years ago. I was a freshman in college then, although you wouldn't hardly believe it to look at me now. I..I had just completed work on my science project and I invited Nancy down to reveal the secret to her ...

(fade out to "flash-back")

DAN HAYBER: Well, this is it, Nancy. How do you like it?

NANCY: So this is where you've been every night since we got married ... oh Nicky.

DAN: Sure Is! ... that ... that's Danny ... but don't... don't say It. Nancy, I know it's been hard, but I wanted to give you the swellish honeymoon a girl ever had. We're going to Greece.

NANCY: And swim the English Channel ?

DAN: No! To ancient Greece, where burning Saphron loved and sang and
stroked the wine-dock sea in the temple by the moonlight ... wah da do dah.

NANCY: What?

DAN: Don’t you see, Nancy? I've built the perfect time machine.

NANCY: Oh! It sounds dangerous.

DAN: Yes, that's why I'm going to try it out first. Now when I get into the grandfather clock, you hit me over the head with this bottle of champagne... right here, (sound effects- crash) set the dial back for 1000 years and put in three dimes. I'll be gone for 1000 years.

NANCY: 1000 years? That's longer than anyone has ever been gone before.

DAN: But to you, it’ll seem only like a minute. Fare thee well, my love. Foreward, into the past.

NANCY: Gee, I hope he gets back before all this dry ice melts. (sound effect-
sharp sound) (Nancy turns) Wha ... who’s there???

R.R.: Mrs. Hayber??

NANCY: Who’s that???

R.R.: I'm Rocky Raccocoa. You might have seen me tottering around the drug store drinking chocolate malts vulcans and giving away free high schools.

NANCY: Well, what are you doing here? What do you want??

R.R.: I'm here for a friend, Mrs. Hayber. If you sign a contract you're supposed to keep up the payments.

NANCY: Oh, you must be a friend of Nick's.

R.R.: Yes.

NANCY: He couldn't want his money already. He only gave me the ring last night. I'm wearing it see.

R.R.: Yes, that's a very pretty hand there. (starts tugging on the ring)

NANCY: Agggrh!!!

DAN: (fade in) Oooohhh ... Nancy, Nancy ... it's a success. I'm back. It's a
success. I have proof I've been to ancient Greece. Look at this grape.

NANCY: Who are you old man and what have you done with my husband?

DAN: What do you mean, Nancy? I am your husband.

NANCY: (faints away) Aggrh!

DAN: Well, who’s that ugly dwarf with his hand in your mouth?

R.R.:Rocky Racoccoa, at your service.

NICK: All right, all right, Catherwood. I've heard just enough.

DAN: What? ... what? ... Listen, I’m telling this story, young man. What are you going in my flashback?

NICK: Flashback? What are you talk ... flashing? ... All right all of you, You stay right where you are. Put your thumbs on your place in the script while I figure this out. (thinking- Poor Nancy. Married to a man 1000 years old. Now I understand why the servants disappeared. It was Catherwood who killed Racoccoa to protect his Betty Joe.)

NANCY: Who is he talking to? How does he make his voice do that??

NICK: All right Bradshaw, there's your confession; I hope you got it all down. Brad...Bradshaw ... Bradshaw? Oh, that's right; he's not in this flashback. Oh, I'll skip ahead of ... no... I can't skip ahead. All right, everybody into the time machine.

DAN: Wait... wait a minute ... no,no,no,no,no. You don't understand how radio works. Now this is my flashback, all I have to do to return us to the present is fade my voice out like this and cue the organist. (organ music) And you see.

CATHERWOOD: Here we are.

DAN & CATHERWOOD: Oh my goodness.

NICK: What's happening. Am I seeing double? There are 2 of everyone except me.
(thinking- Pandemonium was breaking out all around me. Wait a minute. Who are you?

NICKII: I was here first. You imposter. Take that.

NANCY: Why that's terrible ...

NANCYII: You keep away from him you young hussy.

NANCY: Who are you calling a young hussy, you old bag.

NANCYII: Why I dare you talk to me like that...

NANCY: I can talk to me anyway I like to.

NANCYII: What nerve. I'm not're me 20 years ago.

NANCY: Why you got a lot of nerve saying I'm going to look like that in 20 years.

NANCY & NANCYII: Oh yeah? There ain't room enough in this dress for both of us (sound effects- ripp, cauhit, ah,oh)

CATHERWOOD: Well, this is a bit of fun, isn't it?

DAN: Yeah, it certainly is that. Glad to have someone my own age to talk to after all these years.

CATHERWOOD: Ah ... why don't we sing something?

DAN: Well, I've forgotten the key.

CATHERWOOD: Oh, that's all right...l have a lid out in the car.

R.R.: Stop it! Stop it! Stop singing, you fools. Can't you see someone has been crushed here under this car. Oh my god, it's me. I don’t look at all well. I'm dead. I've been killed. Oohhh, it hasn't happened to me since M.

NICK: (thinking- I did a quick 20/20 on the whole scene. I thought that I was the only one going insane, but now we were all in this together. I knew what I had to do. I didn’t like it, but that never stopped me before) All right everybody, take off your..................

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt this schedule transmission to bring you an announcement of national importance from the White House in Washington, D.C...... Ladies and gentlemen ... ladies and gentlemen ... the President of the United States...

PRESIDENT: My fellow Americans. This morning, at 6:25 A.M. Pacific Standard Time, combined elements of the Imperial Japanese navy and air forces ruthlessly attacked our naval base at Pearl Harbor In the Hawaiian islands. I have conferred this morning with the congress and the chiefs-of-state in emergency sessions. We have reached our rendezvous with destiny. It is our unanimous and irrevocable decision that the United States of America unconditionally surrender. And now, my wife and I would like to return, with you, for the thrilling conclusion of “Private Nick Danger, Third Eye”.

NICK: Well, I've solved another one for you.

BRADSHAW: Danger, I'll never know how you do it. I was sure I had the goods on you this time.

NICK: Well, Bradshaw, it's like in the army, you know. The great prince issues commands, founds states, vest families with thief’s ... inferior people should not be employed.

BRADSHAW: Nick... I can't knock success, but you still put me through too many changes.

NARRATOR: The makers of Loostner's Castor Oil Flakes and Fantastic Cigarettes ... Loostner's for the smile of beauty ... Fantastic for the smile of success ... have brought you the transcribed adventures of Nick Danger, Third Eye. Tune In again next week, same time, same station, when Nick Danger meets..."The Arab".

(music builds up then fades out)
All words are taken from the Firesign Theatre (How Can You Be In Two Places At Once When You're Not Anywhere At All) Columbia Records CS 9884 Side 2; "The Further Adventures of Nick Danger-From the first broadcast December 6, 1941. Rebroadcast courtesy of Loostner Bros. Soap Co."