A bucket list
is a list of the experiences or achievements that a person hopes to have or
accomplish during their lifetime. A bucket list is an itemized list of
goals people want to accomplish before they “kick the bucket” — or die.
As we get
closer, one can look back to see what they checked off and how many more to go.
I never
thought I had a bucket list, but there were a few things I thought about doing
that I never did.
Let’s take a
look:
• Learn to breath.
When they cracked the egg, I rolled out
blue. I hadn’t read the directions you had to breath to live this life. I
started yelling after Doc Savage started hitting me. Suck air in then blow it
out. That is what life is.
• Learn to swim.
Swimming was my first movement (after
crawling - which is just wallowing and dragging across the floor). It felt
right to be in the water and I took to it. I didn’t have fins or gills so I had
to keep coming up to apply what I learn in my first bucket list. To go to the
‘deep end’ had to pass a swimming test.
• Learn to walk.
Swimming was fun but there wasn’t water
everywhere. Dragging myself around on a dusty floor wasn’t much fun so I
learned how to wobble about on two limbs called legs. It required balance but
you got from point A to point B faster.
• Learn to pee & poop.
To survive you have to keep the engine
fueled. Slimy goo that you will avoid for decades was stuffed into your face
and would come out the other end. Trying to walk carrying a full load is no fun
so I was taught to take down my pants and unload in a porcelain bowl. Having a
hose I learned to shoot the little bloody tissue swabs my father would throw in
while slicing his chin in another action I would learn later.
• Learn to talk.
Babbling and grunting couldn’t be
understood by any of the giant people, so they taught me how to make sounds
they could relate to. I was informed everything had a name and I was taught to
place a word to identify the object. I learned what to say…and when.
• Learn to eat.
As previously mentioned, this process of
moving and talking requires fuel. After years of being wrapped in plastic and
having someone else shove goop down the pie-hole, with some of it going in and
some of it spouting out, I was sat down and taught how to eat…using utensils.
Eating with hands only, like every other animal, is messing and almost
impossible with soup. This required using a napkin. This was the first training
in etiquette. May I be discussed?
• Learn to dress.
Because this life has weather, I was
taught to protect my skin by wearing woven form fitting materials to stay warm
and dry. There was also a ‘law’ that no one could just run around naked. Clothing
came in many sizes and colors because this shell we carry around keeps
expanding. Clothing was also the introduction to bigotry.
• Learn to sleep.
Walking around talking and eating is
exhausting. It is best to just conk out when tired, but I learned there was a
procedure to resting the body. There are special times, clothing, horizontal
cushions with layered covers and even special rooms for what is called
‘sleeping’. There is even appliances to awake you at the proper approved time. The
act of sleeping has never become easy for me, so I would bang my head on a
pillow until I could move no more. I still toss and turn during the dark hours
feeling less than energetic awakening.
• Learn to pray.
Before climbing under the covers and the
lights turned out, I was taught to pray. The prayer was: ‘now I lay me down to
sleep. I pray the Lord my Soul to keep. If I should die before I wake. I pray
the Lord my Soul to take.” So some
mythical spirit was hovering over me and if I stopped breathing, it would whisk
me away into the clouds. That was scarier than the monster living under the
bed. I was taught to dress up every Sunday and go to a big room with big
colored windows and hard seats to listen to some guy in robes to read passages
from ‘the’ book and everyone would sing. There was even a fee for this show. I
went along with the process but couldn’t understand the one-hour teachings
one-day-a-week didn’t correspond with the actions of the rest of the time.
• Learn to be silent.
Life has a caste system. Where you land is
the luck of the draw. Don’t ask the questions if there are no answers?
• Learn to wonder.
Beyond the oblivious, there is so much
else to experience. The environment around offers more questions that seek
answers. Take time to wonder. Observe and enjoy.
• Learn bigotry.
Bias is not born, but taught. Life in your
environment is the status quo and accepted until one wonders why? If reinforced
how we react to each other can become our personality. Bias can be untaught.
• Learn to read.
Due to bad eyesight and little persuasion
to expand beyond the Little Golden Books and Reader’s Digest, reading was not
my first choice. This lack of skill or interest held back my education and studying
and I never knew the difference. Finally in college I learned ‘speed’ reading,
skipping all the trash and retaining the necessary information to ace the
grade.
• Tell time.
My Mickey Mouse watch was numbered 1 ->
12. Why not 1 –> 10? When Mickey tied his shoes was 6:30? When Mickey held
his hands up to indicate a touchdown it was 10:10. When Mickey said it was
‘time out’…? Why after AM did we start all over again with PM? It was time to
go to school when the sun came up. It was time to come home when the bell rang.
It was time to eat when the food was on the plate. It was time to sleep when
the TV went off. What did I need Mickey for?
• Play the guitar.
My friends started going to musical
training classes. Piano. Violin. Clarinet. They would get up on the school
stage and make an awful noise. I attended the professional musicians in the
city orchestra and thought they were not that much better. I could follow the
tunes and watch what each instrument brought to the party. The percussion
section fascinated me. Most of the time they just stood around in the back but
when the conductor pointed to them, they made some awesome racket. I wanted a
drum kit even though I didn’t know if I had rhythm or not. Drums make a lot of
noise so I was not encouraged to follow my dream. At the same time the popular
music on the radio was transitioning from 40’s Big Band to Americana (or what
was called ‘Hillbilly’ music). I learned a few chords on the upright piano at
my grandmother’s house. I learned what an octave was. A piano or a drum was
difficult to move so I picked up a guitar for the beach party sessions with my
cousins. Being self-taught a wooden box with strings became my companion.
• Join a band.
Not being invited to join a team or the
club, I found some people who could make some noise that sounded like what was
on the radio. A band is a training session without a teacher. A band could be
friends or complete strangers who goal is to make noise. If your noise is
appreciated you get a following called ‘groupies’. Every band breaks up.
• Perform.
We all have to perform to get attention,
until we are asked to get in front of the class and read. Everyone gets shy but
this is a lesson that will help you become a speaker, politician, preacher,
actor or rock and roll singer. I was embarrassed as anyone else to stand in
front of the class and be humiliated. I learned to become someone else on stage
plays. I learned how to communicated on stage in my band. I took classes in
public speaking. I thought about becoming a preacher.
• Make a friend.
After being extracted from family and
thrown into a mass of strangers called ‘students’ we seek out another person to
pair up with for ‘buddy checks’, lunch mate, wingman and partner. When the
similarities are more than differences, you can be my friend. Paling around
with a friend you meet new friends. Hanging-out gives one a since of community.
The group awareness is fun until that gender thing happens.
• Learn to game.
Now that you have friends, you need to
find something to do together, thus the game. From board games like checkers or
‘Candyland’ to card games to a rollicking game of ‘touch’ football, a friend or
friends could play the game. First, all games have rules. If you break the
rules you lose the game. Second, there is only one winner. Everyone else is a
loser. Organized games, called ‘sports’, were never my forte. Baseball was no
good because I could see the ball. Basketball was too much running back and
forth on a wood floor. Football was too rough so I was always chosen last for
the team. I could swim and joined the country club swim team but had not strong
stroke to accede. I was pretty good at golf but once I hit the ball off the tee
I lost it in the clouds. Tennis I excelled. I was close enough to see the ball,
there wasn’t too much running and all you had to do is swing a wooden racket
and keep the ball within the white lines and over the net. It was the only game
that scored with love.
• Grow hair long.
Going to the same barber every spring to
get a choice of two haircuts (crew-cut or flattop) meant there was no reason to
carry a comb. All the heartthrobs in the teen magazines had long slicked back
hair. If not, you were a dweeb. When those mop tops from England came around
parents reluctantly gave in to hair combed over the forehead. One could even be
sent home for hair protruding over the back collar of a button down oxford. Too
late, the cat was out of the bag.
• Ride a bicycle.
Walking everywhere was wearing out shoes,
so I was given a bike. After the training wheels came off and I learned balance
and propelling around the block, it became my mode of operandi. Driving a motor
vehicle would come later.
• Water skiing vs. Sailing.
I was assigned to go to summer camp. It
was a way to get me out of the house into a distant area with total strangers
and no way out for a month. During this detention, kids were shown how to be
dragged behind a motorboat standing on two boards. Trying to stand on the
water, there was no way to chose a path except to hang on to a rope at the end
of a speeding boat.
The other alternative was sailing. This
required sitting on a surfboard with a pole in the middle and a single sail
that could be raised and swayed back and forth to catch the wind. A centerboard
could be lowered into the water to keep from drifting from side-to-side and a
paddle attached to the rear for steering. When the wind stopped, sailing
stopped. I not only learned the art of running-with-the-wind but also
appreciate the environment on the water.
• Climb a mountain.
I never had this on my bucket list, but it
happened. It wasn’t something I had ever thought to do, but after some peer
pressure and chemical influence, I found myself with several others climbing a
mountain in the middle of the night. Climbing a mountain, without any
preparation or concern of the situation is not recommended. There was no
thought of slipping off a rock and falling to our death or even worse, dropping
the keys. If that was dumb enough, I did it twice. As you can see, I survived.
• Get an operation.
I had the same childhood maladies as
everyone else. Eat too much and get a bellyache. Drink a bottle of Bourbon and
get that hangover. Get a sore throat and get your tonsils cut out. Get bit by a
dog and get sewn up. Fall out of a tree on your face and get sewn up. Throw up
in school and get rushed to the hospital to get an emergency appendectomy
before they burst and I would die. Now I avoid the ones in white lab coats
because they just want to remove some of my body parts and charge me a bunch of
money for it.
• Have a birthday party.
A birthday party is like Christmas day
through the year. Everyone has a birthday. Everyone else gets an invitation to
attend. That requires a birthday card and purchase of a present. Birthday
parties required funny hats and balloons and decorations. The best part was a
cake alights with candles that needed to be blown out before consumption.
Through the years there are fewer and fewer birthday parties. The last one
wins.
• Surf.
Surfing is like sailing but without the
sail. A group would drag 10’ planks to the beach, wipe them with wax for grip,
paddle out beyond the wave break, turn around and face the beach. Baking under
the sun with legs dangling in the water (pre-Jaws) the group would bobble in
the water waiting for the ‘perfect’ wave to come. Paddle fast then attempt to
stand up on the board letting the wave push you to the sand. Oh what fun.
Surfing also taught the lesson of barnacles.
• Scuba diving vs. Skydiving
My North Carolina cousin who taught me
surfing, also taught me how to ‘almost’ die. We swam in the ocean together, but
he wanted to stay under water and took up scuba diving. He got some scuba tanks
and some mask and some fins and we went out on the ocean in his motorboat
(pre-driving age). He gave me a brief instruction on how to breath through the
hose then put on a weight belt (to keep us from popping back up to the
surface). Then I fell backwards off the edge of the boat and sank. And sank… to
the bottom. My cousin swam down and helped me back to the surface. Seems the
joke was I had too much weight on the belt.
My cousin also was learning how to fly a
plane. To fly a plane you must learn how to use a parachute. So he invited me
to take a flight and watch him jump out of a plane. Since I was tagging along,
I also had to wear a parachute. A brief lesson on what to pull and how to
bounce and roll when landing by the pilot and we packed into a single engine
prop without a door. The pilot attached his passengers to a thin wire I assumed
was to keep us in the plane and we were off. This was my first plane ride and I
learned quickly I had acrophobia. After a few swoops and spins my cousin slid
to the door. The pilot was screaming, the engine roaring and the wind was like
a hurricane. My cousin fell out the door and I moved closer for a look. Then I
was falling into space. Whether pushed or sucked out the door is left to
dispute. There is a lot of time to see your future disappear before the jolt of
the parachute opening. A parachute slows your drop but the ground comes up
quickly. I rolled on the ground and started breathing again. I survived to the
joy of my cousin (and pilot – who gave me a parachute jump metal).
• Learn politics.
Politics was always around but I never
paid any attention. Politics seemed to be done by old white men leftovers from
the confederacy smoking cigars on the top of the hill in Jefferson’s Greek
cathedral. The buses ran and the stoplights changed and everyone accepted the
status quo. My father made a living catering to these politicians but I never
listened to discussions of the topics or editorials of the day. The first
conflict with politics was the anti-war movement but this town was too conservative
to notice. After college I did get into some political organizations and even
lobbied on Capitol Hill. I paid my dues but was out numbered by the
professionals. I always cast my vote participating in a democracy. I do not run
for office of either federal or state or providence institutions. I do not
count your votes or taxes. I do not recommend or decline public opinion on what
should be learned in school or how the police should behave or the conditions
of living for those in need. I obey the rules handed down by others. I pay my
taxes. I pay for my trash to be removed as well as property tax, home insurance
and medical care. I’m an obedient civilian. You are welcomed.
• Learn sex.
Puberty is an interesting time of life. The
body does all sorts of puffing and hooting and the brain goes to places that
have been unexplored. All those photos on the garage walls come to life. The
schoolmates start to take a noticeable different attraction. There are no
instructions and no one wants to talk about whatever is happening. One I knew
took the aggressive act to find out what two bodies could do. I didn’t know
what was going on but did not refuse to be her partner in this experiment. It
is amazing what you can learn when you are just fumbling around. After some
embarrassment and pride, you can never go back.
• Learn to drive.
Walking, biking and taking public
transportation is fine, the goal of becoming 16 is getting a state approved
automobile drivers license. I had two choices: a yellow Ford Galaxies ragtop
with bucket seats or a green 65’ Mustang. The Mustang had power steering and
both had automatic drive. My mother took me out to side roads where I could
stop and start and turn left and turn right at a safe speed without distracting
traffic. I read the state approved instructions, took the written test and
drove around the block with some guy with a clipboard. I didn’t even have to
parallel park. I sat in a plastic seat until my name was called and I was
handed a playing card that stated I was approved to travel the roads in a metal
mobile machine. My mother drove us home.
The access to one of the autos was rare
and usually for me to drive to the store and pick up a quart of milk or loaf of
bread. Being a teenager, I would wander. A group of friends would meet most
nights at a little corner bistro for cheap 3.2 beer and hookups. Their parents
had more expensive cars but the game was to see who could drive from a
designation back to the bistro. A pair would rib up side-by-side and rip off
down a dark (and hopefully abandoned) street through stop lights down dips and
up hill and then a straight away to the finish line. In this quiet
neighborhood, complaints brought the law to wait in ambush. After a few tickets
for disobeying the speed limit, my father and I were requested a meeting with a
judge to resolve this behavior.
I haven’t driven since.
• Get a girlfriend.
Swapping spit. Trading sweaters. Attending
prom. All these events required a steady date called a ‘girlfriend’. That
requires some commitment to pair together for others to acknowledge as a couple
(not engaged or married) that will for a time is associated as partners. I
could never find some lady who wanted to hang around with me so I had to get
married. That didn’t turn out to be a girlfriend either.
• Learn to kiss.
Pressing lips was something every movie
could show as an expression of love between two actors. The male would pound
his face into hers. Sometimes there was the slow aggression onto the females
face then fade to black so the audience wouldn’t get too excited. The dark
access of a theater did give two participants a place to experiment. Fogging up
windows at drive-ins and other backseat wrestling proved if the art of pressing
lips was worth moving onto the next step or just smearing each other’s face
with spit. The good ones experienced the joy of ‘making out’ for hours.
• Learn to drink.
Growing up (they say) is participating in
the process of drinking concoctions that will make you silly or aggressive but
mostly inebriated. Moderation will accomplish the requirement for social
occasions but one drink is never enough. Unfortunately our species cannot live
without some mind alteration. My alcohol training was at work related occasions
when there were ‘open bars’. Through the roller coaster years I learned to
drink. Burp!
• Learn to hangover.
All good things come to an end. The mighty
grape and barley will take its toll on the body. All this distortions of time
and reference to reality has consequences.
• Make a fool of you.
Everyone has
that event or occurrence or happening viewed by others. Maybe it is a bad play
on the football field or a stutter step dance move or some buffoonery that is
so remarkable that will be remembered in the annals of time. Whatever the
tomfoolery was, it will be described in great detail after you are gone.
• Take drugs.
The doctor gave you shots and there was no
question of what was in the syringe. Later on people would hand you a piece of
paper and say, “Swallow this” and we complied. Unknowingly we were putting
chemicals into our body that would adjust our perception of wellness or
reality. In college I took some psychology classes trying to find why we do
what we do. I volunteered for a local medial experimental study to take a
mind-altering drug and perform for the lab coats. I was also experimenting outside
on my own with little results than time wasted and a dry mouth. Still I
wouldn’t stop and will continue but always one foot in reality.
• Go to jail.
We’ll bypass this one. I was never in
incarceration but I may have attended detention. Move on, there is nothing to
see here.
• Graduate.
Education is the act of being informed and
regurgitating the talking points back again. It took me years to figure out the
game but in the end I won a piece of paper that moved me onto the next phase of
life. Was I any smarter?
• Get a job.
Everyone needs to eat. Everyone needs a
place to sleep. Everyone needs dollars to procure these needs. To get dollars
one has to ‘work’. Whether taught to perform a chore or learn-as-you-go, we
follow someone else’s instructions to earn the almighty dollar. More dollar
equals better grub. More dollar equals nicer housing in better neighborhoods.
More dollar equals disposable income to purchase items that will eventually
wind up in a yard sale. That is what it is all about.
• Acquire the reality of what you cannot do.
Everyone has some restrictions. Mine are
simple. I can’t blow a bubble gum bubble. I can’t hula-hoop. I can’t spit a
logy. I can’t do pull-ups. I can’t arm wrestle. I can’t master paddleball. I
can get down, but get back up?
• Get married.
The next obvious move after finishing
education and experimenting in the world is to find ‘the one’ to become the
eternal partner with and have a big celebration with white dresses, all your
friends, a big cake and maturity. Can’t have one without the other. That is
what they say, until you find out signing a contract is not binding.
• Have children.
Seems the reason for signing a marriage
contract is to legally produce offspring. After being persuaded by family and
friends to hook up, the question came… “Where are the grandchildren?” It is the
expected session of the process, but. Making a baby is great fun until it
starts expanding then it is the mother’s load. After almost a year when the
baby drops partners become burdened with another. Are you both ready to commit
to years of sheltering, feeding, cleaning, clothing, schooling and finding
forms of entertaining for this new person?
• Get a pet.
Instead of producing and raising another
person, there are varieties of other creatures that can be fed, walked, dressed
and even sleep with.
• Buy a house.
Everyone needs shelter. After your parents
kick you out of their house you have a variety of choices. Sleep in your car
(if you have a car), sleep on the couch of a friend’s, motels or renting an
apartment. Available finances tend to decide your sleeping arrangements.
The goal of this game is to purchase a
house. Shanty town or mansion, we all have to have an address to have the mail
delivered.
• Buy stuff.
With a job you get paid. With money you
can buy stuff. The bigger the space, the more you can buy. A dinning room table
fills a room. Lamps and tables and chairs are needed in every room. Big sofas
for gatherings and a big screen TV are essential. Big bed and lots of covers
and blankets and perhaps another TV are a must. The bathroom cannot just settle
for a sink and tub and toilet, but plumbers will love you. The yard has enough
utensils to require a separate storage container and electricity is required
for outdoor lighting and surveillance cameras. Don’t look in the closet for
every year or two the fashion changes and (as a consumer) you are required to
upgrade your wardrobe without discarding your old wardrobe.
• Buy a car.
Mobility is a requirement in this country.
The land is laced with concrete and asphalt so metal mobile machines can carry
our groceries, clothing, children and provide exits for vacation get-a-ways.
For this purpose, EVERYONE must purchase, fuel and maintain a vehicle to drive
to the corner store or spend hours congested with others to get to work and
park then reverse the transport until a new flashy model catches your eye.
Having a car is the reason for garages.
• Buy insurance.
Insurance is a scam (similar to religion).
In hopes that if your car crashes or house burn down or you get sick, you pay a
monthly premium to some company that promises that they will fix it all and
make everything OK. Your parents said that too. Insurance is basically a
savings account with hopes you don’t need to use it. What about ‘life’
insurance?
• Have an affair.
Our species are constantly on the prowl. We
can (and do) make our proclamations of monogamist loyalty to another, but we
have a wandering eye. At the same time, everyone knows when you cross the line.
• Learn to dream.
Everyone has some wish list. Dig a pool in
the yard, but you’ll need to put up a fence to keep the neighbors out. Get a
piano, but it makes a bunch of noise and takes up a lot of room and is heavy
and even if you don’t figure it out once you try it again. Best to get that digital
keyboard. Get a pinball machine. They were fun when there were free coins and
time to practice, but they too take up a bit of space. Wouldn’t it be good to
get a jukebox? An old Wurlitzer with flashing lights and a pile of 45s I
already had. Could use it for a savings account instead of all those rack
mounts with cassette players and CD players and Vinyl players and remotes and
equalizers and compressors and speakers in every corner. What about a cola
machine? Fill it with your favorite soda or some adult beverage cans accessed
with a drop of a coin. Again it takes up space. Look about at your garage at
all those appliances and utilities that are used for a few minutes and then
take up space.
• Make a difference.
Join a community organization. Refurbish
and detail that ‘57 Chevy that your grandfather drove to the levee. Learn a
foreign language. Run for public servant office. Take up knitting. Start
jogging. Volunteer.
• Get into debt.
It is said ‘Money makes the world go
round’. Unfortunately not everyone is born rich, so that math calculations you
learned in school needs to show you assess and deficits and if you were paying
attention you will have enough greenbacks to cover you bills. If not, you get
to pay ‘interest’ on your debt. That is just a way of the delaying you have been
stealing.
• Get a divorce.
Breaking up is hard to do. Just like
getting hitches, a divorce requires a testament of a relationship failure.
Normally you need a lawyer and it can be costly.
• Take care of your parents.
Just like they took care of you for all
those years, parents get old and someone needs to keep them fed, clothed,
sheltered and entertained while awake. You didn’t read this on the back of your
birth certificate.
• Become management.
Working is about making money. You do a
chore and you get paid. You want more money; you do more chores. Someone called
‘management’ tells you what to do and when to do it and how much you will be
paid for accomplishing the task to the approval of ‘management’. Then you move
up the corporate ladder and get a title and an office and things are different
on the other side.
• Learn the computer.
Much of growing up was mechanical physical
labor. Some smart folks created machines that could do multiple calculations to
figure where an artillery shell would land. Better than the abacus, the hand
held adding machine turned into a room full of technology that keep track of
your salary and taxes. Then some hippies stopped playing guitars in their
garages and miniaturized what is now in your hand.
• Learn to think.
Through the years, we are instructed to
follow a task and understand the consequences there of. Then we start to
‘think’ for ourselves. We explore libraries and discuss ideas with others and
start to make conclusions that apply to beliefs and opinions you agree with.
• Learn to write.
Hopefully the public education process
taught you how to scribble on a piece of paper and connect letters into words
into sentences that get a message apart. Write a letter, put it in an envelope,
lick a stamp and mail it to another address. See what happens.
• Learn to relax.
Maybe age or wisdom there is no need to be
some impassionate about being stressed. They even have ‘time-out’ in sports.
• Attend a funeral.
People die. Our species have arrangement
to dispose of the body. They call them funerals. It is time for remembrance
from the living and a ceremony for grief. In elementary school I attended my
first funeral. It was a friend of mine who drowned while we were swimming
together. All my classmates attended in their Sunday finery. We have our own
line of pews behind the adults. It was solemn. There was Jack all laid out in a
fancy box while ministers tried to find something to say about his brief life.
The little girls who cried around me didn’t know why.
• Kill.
If you think this is abhorrent, remember
that roach you squashed on the floor? How about your neighbor grazing
peacefully in your crosshairs while you decide when you want to squeeze the
trigger?
• Learn to save money.
After finding out what debt is, calculating
your ‘needs’ and ‘wants’ to what is really necessary is called savings. It is a
skill not everyone learns but it makes life easier to have a few bills in your
wallet.
• Take time to ponder.
Reflect. Go through photo albums and
remember what that coat felt like or that smell of that shirt. Remember the
moment that camera clicked and what preceded it and what followed. Your visions
of memories are all you have left.
• Learn to die
These instructions are not on the back of
your birth certificate. There is no timeline of when the venture called “Life”
ends. There are certain preparations to take to provide for those left behind
but sometimes… The last time you say ‘Good Bye’ might be the last time. Settle
your affairs.
We all have dreams and desires. Some might
reach fruition.
