Who’s banging your box?

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 That may sound crude but this story is about “jealousy”.

That feeling when all the air has left your body and you don’t know why. It is a crippling emotion that happens to everyone when they don’t get their way.

Maybe it is the person who you have been watching from afar and writing their name over and over again and imaging the two of you together; walking with another.

Of course jealousy can also be of material goods but there is a commandment against coveting other’s stuff.

No this is the human reaction to events that are out of control and how we cope.

So what brought this on?

Well recently I was talking to an old “girlfriend” or at least I’ll call her that. We had a quick passing fancy in my youth and I never thought we were that close but as we walked around our old neighborhood she pointed out an apartment she had occupied. It was just another window that I’d passed by so many times. Then she startled me with a comment.

“I had a lot of sex there.”

It was almost an aside but it stuck me like a jackhammer in the stomach. I didn’t think about it before but sure, she had a life after our paths crossed and she was cute and….

My mind scrambled the thoughts. I gave a sly quiet smile and kept walking trying to analysis what I had just heard.

Just what an old “boyfriend” wants to hear is how much physical enjoyment this young lady of previous affection had with another fella. Or fellas.

Then I realized I WAS JEALOUS!

Jealous of what?

My mind raced trying to rationalize my reaction. “You don’t even know this girl.” I thought and then calmed down and started to understand my reaction and the history behind it.

Attraction to another person may have many reasons and many consequences. And sometimes it doesn’t work out.

Sometimes another person is more aggressive for attention or perhaps another has a flashy wardrobe or shiny car or perhaps what the other person is seeking is not in your personality portfolio.

Maybe we just settle for what we can get.

No, I don’t mean that in a nasty way, but perhaps we can adjust our expectations of a person who will respond to our admiration.

But way back then, boys and girls were supposed to exchange rings and sweaters and go to dances and be known as a couple. And then you got “married”.

That was the way it was suppose to work, but there are all those emotions and experiences that came before you were a “couple” and new people who will cross your path and may change your status from “dedicated in love to one another” to “thinking about a change”.

So when you meet someone and strike up a conversation and it starts to drift to previous engagements, one must remember that life goes on and it is not all about YOU.

Sure people come in and out of our lives and some we dwell upon while others merely pass through but there are situations that happen which will change your personality and future interplay with others.

Besides so much has happened that you had no influence on because you were not there and you can nothing to do about history. What was happened without your approval.

Another look at these previous experiences might mean better sex. If you can outperform the guys who came before (sorry, no pun intended) your esteem will rise to a point where you are now ready to climb Mount Everest. And you never want to say, “How was that?” because you might get an answer that will pop your bubble.

That was a sign to society that each person committed their emotions to each other and no other. And then we vow, “’Til death do us part”.

That is a promise that we really don’t contemplate or understand, but we say the words in a public ceremony binding us together.

Logically one can psychologically determine that the other person’s promiscuous past or insatiable sexual appetite may have just been sowing their wild oats, which I even replied, or may be an introduction to a night of wild passion between the sheets. 

To deflate that theory, maybe the statement was intended to hurt or maybe it was just getting the history, whether true or false, out of her system. (Note: One must remember not to reply with comparison of your sexual prowess.)

If the personal history continues to bother you, then you probably have inter-personal-conflicts and should probably leave immediately.

So don’t be jealous of previous histories because everyone has one. Much like breathing air or walking, we all live by the minute-to-minute life and react to what is exposed to us.

I personally remember tales that would make your shutter, not knowing if they were true or not, but had to wash them away because the immediate time with that person was more important than a shaded past or possible constructed future.

So game up and stop worry about your own inadequacies or self worth doubts and get along with life.

If you can?