Just The Facts

After hours of emotional, continuous, and hypnotically amazing example of a dysfunctional government debacle followed by the entire world laughing at our president, the rush to confirm a lifetime position without a public vote has been delayed for another week for an investigation for 40-year old allegations by the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Yep, call for the FBI. You know the J. Edgar Hoover, Eliot Ness, Al Capone, Tommy gun FBI. The US Police Force sort of FBI is on the case.

OK, FBI you got a week to find some evidence on this conundrum. You got your work cut out for you.

Now I don’t know about you or how good your memory is on what you did in high school, but most of those memories at high school reunions are about football games or graduation or teachers with few recollections of who was having a party or who was there because everything was in the moment. Do you remember the name of that girl you had a crush on in chemistry but were too shy to ask out? Do you remember the boy in the terrible suit who took you to the prom during your pimple period and was a terrible dancer? Do you remember the name of your gym teacher or your assistant principal?

I do have a pretty good memory and also wrote diaries during high school. I don’t remember when I took that test or what socks I wore or even what I ate. The diaries are brief in scripted lines of names of people I called to find out where the weekend party was going to be. They also say I was tired all the time, as teenagers are. There are no addresses or times or any record of problems or illness or being pulled over by the police or required dances or events mandatory by parents to attend unless there was some girl I met and the only word would be “Nice”. How to decipher all this would be difficult 40-years later.

I don’t think I’ve ever been vetted. I’ve filled out job application forms (sometimes true but never verified) and I guess I gave some information to social security to get a card and my taxes are up-to-date along with my pension. My personal photo ID is just being duplicated from the 80’s so the picture really doesn’t look like me now. My profile pages online are vague or possibly wrong and I don’t Tinder. My bank knows my email address, but everyone else is sent to another site.

I’m sure the FBI could find out what size shoe I wear, so let’s see what they come up this week.

Seems from the hearings they have some leads to question and gather any evidence of history, perhaps a time and location of said accusation of the supposed offense. Then again, this is not a criminal investigation so no one is under any penalty of law to answer or cooperate with the FBI.

But this is the FBI. You may not want to comment but could wonder what that blip is on your computer screen or that strange beep on your phone. This is the FBI.

There may even be a statue of limitation on what they find, but I’m no lawyer. It will be interesting to see what the FBI finds to confirm or refute statements made under oath to a congressional panel.

What would the questions be? When did Mark Judge work at Safeway? Where was the house? Where were the parents? Who bought the beer? What brand of beer was it? Was that underage drinking? What was Dr. Ford wearing? Was it a tee shirt of button up? Were the boys upstairs when she climbed the stairs or were they already in the bedroom? What was Brett wearing? Did he remove any of his clothing? What song was playing? Where they’re other girls at the party?

I’m sure them FBI folks will ask all the pertinent questions and gather all the information in a neat package to present back to Congress. Those in the hallowed halls can sort the data and make their conclusions and this insane reality show can continue until we all get bored and go back to see which team is winning or losing avoiding the constant flood of rehashing opinions and talking points.

Remember this nonsense goes on inside the bubble called DC and the bureaucracy grinds on spending the people’s money and we (the people) get a chance every now and then to re-elect our representatives or replace them with a vote.

And what do we know of these few who decide to throw their hat into the ring. There marketing campaigns show them as outstanding citizens and only their opponents mud slinging ads throw disparity on their aster reputation.

After taking an oath of office declaring they will be a loyal and dedicated worker for the people who have elected them, they may be vetted for access to top-secret confidential information. Does anyone ask about former adolescent misconduct, alcohol consumption or moral aptitude?

Do you believe in “God We Trust”?

Tune in next week for more exciting adventures of the United States Government in action.