#GiveThanks

Mother: Everyone come to dinner

Father: Come on everyone to the table

Mother: No really the table is set

Sister: Don’t wait till it gets cold

Brother: But the game is on

Sister: If you don’t get your big butt in here now…

Father: OK, we are coming

Brother: Smells good

Cousin1: Smells great

Cousin2: Can I help?

Sister: A little late for that

Aunt: Did you put the gravy on before it is warm?

Uncle: Where is the scotch?

Aunt: You’ve had enough

Uncle: Oh hush woman

Dad: Everyone be seated

Uncle: Open that wine

Mother: Here is the turkey

Brother: Wow

Cousin1: Look at that bird

Aunt: Oh my

Uncle: Where is my glass of Jim Beam?

Sister: Mother it all looks wonderful

Father: Uncle would you lead the prayer

Uncle: Sure, I’ll try

Aunt: Bow your heads

Uncle: Oh heavenly father

Cousin2: Don’t gender the Lord

Cousin1: We all know the Lord is a black lesbian

Brother: Stop it you guys

Aunt: Let him finish or we will never eat

Father: Please continue

Uncle: Well bleesh this gathering before your bounty

Aunt: Amen

Father: Thank you for your prayers before I carve the bird

Uncle: Did I finish?

Mother: Amen

Brother: Pass the rolls

Sister: Pass the green bean casserole

Cousin1: Man did you see that pass

Cousin2: Sure did

Father: Does anyone want the dark meat?

Sister: Wha?

Brother: You heard him

Cousin1: Hehehehe

Cousin2: Hehehehe

Mother: What are they talking about?

Aunt: I’ll have some mashed potatoes

Uncle: My glass is empty again

Mother: Father, turn down the television sound

Brother: I want breast

Cousin1: Hehehehe

Cousin2: Hehehehe

Sister: You are not getting any

Brother: Tell mom and dad about the baby

Mother: Wha?

Uncle: My glass is empty again

Father: Let us get back to being thankful

Uncle: What about them caravan folk?

Mother: Let us not go there on this day of family gathering

Cousin2: We should just mow them down

Sister: That is horrible

Cousin1: That is what the president wants

Uncle: He don’t know nothing

Aunt: Get him another glass

Brother: Here you go Uncle

Aunt: Refill

Cousin1: They are just coming here to take our jobs

Cousin2: And our women

Cousin1: Oh yeah

Mother: Would anyone like a leg?

Brother: Ask sister

Father: Now boys stop acting up

Cousin1: Do you see what is happening on Instagram?

Cousin2: No, I’m watching videos of sister on Pinterest

Sister: Wha?

And so it goes through the evening for the Thanksgiving meal has become nothing but an electronic chat room.

The feast for Puppywoods will be:

·      Bag of Multi-grain bread

·      Bag of Pre-cut Turkey

·      Jar of Mayo

·      Box of stovetop stuffing

·      Jar of turkey gravy

·      Can of French-cut string beans

·      Can of cranberry sauce

·      Can of new potatoes

·      Container of pecan pie cup cakes

The Puppywoods process:

·      Place cranberry sauce can and pecan pie cup cakes in the refrigerator overnite to chill.

·      Unwrap that little twisty thing on the bread and pull out two slices. (Be sure to wrap it back up and re-twist so the bread doesn’t go stale)

·      Pour the contents of the stovetop stuffing in a skillet and heat (might want to check the instructions) Stir before the smoke starts

·      Rip open the turkey slices (if it is age or just the nutritional engineers manufacturing making childproof packaging, the e-z to open never works)

·      Apply abundant amount of mayo on the both slices of bread

·      Gently layer the turkey slices and cover with black peeper.

·      Stir the stuffing for the fire engine just arrived

·      Open the can of beans

·      Open the can of potatoes

·      Open the can of cranberry sauce

·      Throw some butter on the stuffing because butter just makes it better.

·      Eat the turkey sandwich

·      Turn down the heat on the stuffing and cover with the jar of gravy

·      Plop the potatoes and green beans into a pot and heat (Beware: you have two pans going and you have already indulged into adult beverages)

·      Turn off the stuffing and dump on a plate

·      Drop the cranberry cylinder on top

·      Mash together (sweet and salty)

·      Start shoveling the mixture in your face

·      Open some more refreshments to wash the concoction down

·      Loosen pants

·      Look at the pecan tarts and wonder if they will still be desirable?

·      Good time for a jog around the block, but alas the drooping eyelids calls for a horizontal position

·      Before snoozing off, wonder if a cup of coffee would help digest the sludge churning around in your tummy, but that will be tomorrow’s challenge.

There is much to be Thankful for.

Be thankful I did not build a home in Paradise. Be thankful I did not build a home in Panama City. Be thankful I lived another year. Be thankful that most of my friends also survived. Be thankful for electricity. Be thankful for the abundance that I don’t appreciate. Be thankful that they are keeping the football away from him. Be thankful for fake news to challenge your rational thinking. Be thankful for the pretty joggers. Be thankful when the construction noise ends. Be thankful for fans in the summer and mister heat in the winter. Be thankful for money in the bank. Be thankful for multiple pairs of underwear. Be thankful to not have anyone to buy presents for the next holiday. Be thankful for those weird dreams. Be thankful that in a few months of cold darkness, spring will arrive again. Be thankful the roof doesn’t leak. Be thankful to know your emotional limits. Be thankful your pants still fit. Be thankful the guy trying to sell you replacement windows calls on the same number. Be thankful the bike repair shop is within walking distance. Be thankful all your plumbing still works. Be thankful for hats. Be thankful for long johns on a cold windy day. Be thankful for smiles. Be thankful for full moons, owls and conversations with Rocky. Be thankful for toenail clippers. Be thankful for fire fighters. Be thankful mouthwash. Be thankful for waste disposal. Be thankful for NPR. Be thankful for guitars, drums and keyboards. Be thankful the television is not plugged in. Be thankful for pockets. Be thankful for toilet paper. Be thankful for sunshine and shadows. Be thankful for imagination. Be thankful for air and water and gravity. Be thankful.