Friday, July 24, 2009

In her own words

“When we first started – you jumped every time I got close when you hadn’t seen me first – You said it was a reaction to the violent people you had been hanging around - You started me doing drugs and giving me too much alcohol for my small frame - it did something to me - I felt scared and angry – maybe the years of “Bobby” and the things I went through in my life right from birth – it all just bubbled up and exploded – I should have seen a therapist – I’ve been affected greatly – I’m sorry for taking things out on you – I could not see you thru the anger – I saw only him and I needed to fight back – I wanted to ill him – I should have killed him for what he did to me – Eventually I was able to deal with this anger – Something’s set it off and it surprised me when happens – Lie remember when I got so upset that I couldn’t find my shoes? - Because Bobby would take my shoes and my clothes from me so I couldn’t leave the house – maybe this is why I say “mine”! - And you thin I’m hiding from you - maybe I am - it scared me deeply what I went through – I kicked in one door- because I felt trapped - like before as far as crying neighbors – You were emotionally unavailable to me – In this you didn’t protect me – You a banded me and let them tear me to shreds – They were sharks in the water and I was the injured prey. You weren’t here – I was – Because of my earlier experiences I have been prone to severe anxiety attacks – Space Shuttle exploding – 9/11 – all live on TV – Mary Winn Dying – David dying – Managing Aquatic World alone – my heart attack – where you feel relief at death – I feel extreme grief – we deal with things differently”

1 comment:

Art said...

difficult, friend... difficult. Again, sorry for the loss and the hurt.