Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Vote For Me!

If you have not had enough of the bombardment of political television, radio, print and sound bites, let me add an alternative.
Vote For Me!
Why not? I’m an upright citizen. I pay my taxes on time and pick up my trash and don’t cause any problems. I even go to bed on time.
I’m a fine outstanding community member without participating in any illegal or immoral or questionable activates (at least recently) and am not affiliated or associated or emancipated by any political ideology or religious persuasion.
I was a boy scout and graduated from the higher establishments of learning. I’ve held down employment and provided for a family for over three decades. I even bathe more than twice a week.
I’m Caucasian because my parents were both and their parents were both. I have not done a environmental evolutional genealogy check of my past so I may be part Hindu or part Communist.
Other than that I’m a swell guy. I’ll shake your hand and laugh at your jokes. I won’t kiss your babies because they smell funny but I will pet your puppies.
So why vote for me?
Let me tell you. I’m a no-nonsense-kind-of-a-guy. “Get to the meat of the problem and get it solved” is my motto. No pussyfooting around. Don’t worry about not having enough money or time or people. Those are all poor excuses for not taking action.
What do you the ‘voter’ want? I’m the guy to deliver more than pizza.
Better schools? No problem. These old crumbling building from the 50’s without Wi-Fi and lead paint and limited plumbing facilities must be torn down and rebuilt to the NEW 21st Century standard. Talk about job creation. The responsibility of the training of these young minds is put in the hands of nannies, nurses, consolers and caretakers? Have you realized as soon as you graduate your ideas are all old hat? Families cannot teach fundamental education of speech and reasoning in a few hours without reinforcement.
I will form a new school system of camps that will take the children in and place them in 24-hour interment of acceptable social interaction, exposure of art, music, dance and even mechanical engineering. Instead of judging the teachers on their competence of training, each student will be rewarded in what they want to accomplish. This is not rocket science.
Parents were be free to visit at any time to see their son/daughter play sports or sing in the choir or show off their science project while still being able to party-hardy on weekends without worrying about a babysitter.
Of course taxes will go up but look at all the free time you have. It isn’t cheap to feed and clothe and house all these rug rats. We are doing you a favor.
Healthcare, have we talked about that yet? Folks, you been living a miserable lifestyle and the country is paying for it. The doctors and hospitals and insurance companies are milking us blind while we gorge on junk food and take our stress pills. How do we cut the cost?
“Doc, I don’t feel so good”. And then the doctor says, “Do you have insurance?” What happened to the family?
As long as we continue to come up with more and more descriptions of aches and pains and maladies that used to be just put aside as growing older then we will continue to demand easy fixes.
The doc-in-the-box on every corner is great for the broken bone or other boo-boo and you should be able to walk (or drag your body in) and go out without paying. The citizens want to participate in helping each other so taxes will go up.
Now those who have some weird delusion of phobias and assorted ailments might want to rethink their problems.
Speaking of crime, what will keep you safe? Can you walk the street without the boogeyman accosting you? Should the streets have more lighting? Should there be an officer of the law on every corner? Should you feel threatened when you don’t know what to fear?
Should we build a wall? Will that keep ‘them’ in or keep ‘us’ out? Wonder why it took so long to learn the blues?
Gun laws? We have enough gun laws that don’t seem to make a hill of beans. I purpose giving every man, woman and child a gun. Let them carry them to work. Let them carry them to school. Load up your car and attics and pack them away for a rainy day. Talk about job creation.
Just give law enforcement BIGGER guns.
Speaking of jobs, we need to put people to work. Work doing what, flipping burgers or stacking shelves? Where is the innovation of creating the light bulb or cell phone? Is it education or inspiration? For everyone else, pick up a hammer or patch a pothole and be happy at contributing. That goes for criminals too. Remember chain gangs? Get them out of sensitivity training and episodes of Dr. Phil to cutting the grass, picking up trash, and shoveling snow. Make crime too hard so no one wants to go back to jail.
Now don’t you be worrying about all that climate change or discrimination or gender aggression for it is all out of our hands. Like sending a person to Mars is no better understood by the common citizen than what makes up a candy bar. As many laws and bills and buffoonery that people have produced, some things will not change. Have we evolved or continued with our war of love vs. hate? No politician or theologian or lawyer or plumber is going to fix it.
Let’s take a look at transportation. After we repair all the bridges, highways and by-ways and sidewalks, we still need to deal with finding space for parking and petroleum based fuels and by-products such as that stinky air that is clogging up everything in the ozone. So instead of speeding things up, I propose to slow things down. More environmental methods of transportation, like walking, will become the norm. What? You need a quart of milk to complete the Rafanata and you have to run out and hop in your $40,000 gas-guzzler to speed up to the local stop-and-shop store. Don’t forget to grab a bag of chips and a six-pack too.
Get your lazy butt out of your soft leather couch and walk up to the store. Remember healthcare?
Have you ever tried public transportation? Less convenient but in the overall scheme of things it might just save our species. There is also this 200-year-old invention called a bicycle. It takes up fewer parking spaces, can be shared, and is good exercise.
What about the rural folk? Well you guys have always been good about living off the land and providing for yourselves. That is why you didn’t move back to the cities. All that freedom and space is great. There may not be a big box store close by but you really didn’t need that 300-rolls of paper towels unless you are really messy.
So what do you think? Am I as good as the other guys who are promising rainbows and unicorns but you know they will not do anything that they say so the cycle goes on of complaining about unqualified city administrators, bungling bookkeepers, concentrated poor and rich areas, piles of leaves and potholes, crumbling schools, decaying pipes and escalating crime.
Since the time when our wise leaders dressed in sheets pontificating visions of wonder, the common man has adjusted to crises and evolved. 
If you can’t make up your mind on option A or B or C or D…
Then Vote For Me!
Signed, the other one.

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