Waking Exhausted

Sleep is a fleeting mistress to me. I can get tired or stay up late but then after two or three hours of unconsciousness, I awake. I have to get up and wander around for a while reading or having a snack before attempting to nod off again.

Perhaps it is the radio I keep playing thorough the night to hide the sounds of an old house but my mind won’t shut down. A word or a phrase or some distant thought will start creating a story of memories or adventures I’ve never experienced.

When I do finally fade away into the dark space of dreams they have their own story. I have similar places and some familiar faces but the strangers are as real as you and me and while the conversations are mute the thoughts get across.

Some mornings I wake up in panic and some mornings I want to go back to see the end of the story.

I also know my sleeping patterns are not the best. I need a chilled room and no tucked in covers because my legs have to twist and shake and dance in the sleeping process. Many mornings the sheet has disappeared under the bed and the comforter is in a knot.

I also snore. I’ve heard the complaints but they don’t know where I am when the lights go out. I also grind my teeth. It seems when I finally pass out I don’t move and wake with my body sore from being in one solitary position for an hour or two.

Maybe I should buy a new bed? Turn the radio off and hope the ghost pacing the hall doesn’t get me? Take those pharmaceuticals that will knock me out more than the 12-beers?

After two or three hour naps and the sun comes up and the radio changes from classical music to news, I drag my body out of the frustrations of seeking rest.

No matter how much I work or play or ride or stay immobile, there will be the same experience of trying to relax because the brain won’t shut off.

I guess when it does I can have the permanent sleep. Wonder what kind of dreams we will have then?