Breaking the Fall

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But before I forget, the graphic named “On The Edge” is not mine. A local artist, Diane Clement, created it. I swiped it because I thought it might fit my thought process. So sorry for not getting your permission but here is her website. http://www.dianeclement.com/ or you can buy her artwork here http://www.zazzle.com/inadiane

The leaves are changing and the air is getting colder. Time to turn the calendar preparing for a new season.

Get out of bed and look in the mirror at the Albert Einstein hairdo.

Open the blinds to welcome the day.

Heat up the water and pour the ingredients without measurement for a warm breakfast.

Listen to classical music while watching the messages of strangers about their kids, activities and political views.

Walk out in the woods and adjust for the sun and the next hour.

The wind blows through my sweatshirt but the warmth increases as I move along.

Spooks decorate the trees already. A life-size black silhouette of a witch catches my eye as cutouts I did in elementary school with rounded scissors.

Two bikers ride by with head bob acknowledgment to each other, and then move on.

The leaves are starting to fall but I have not caught one yet.

Without a daily song in my head I had already reached one third of my travels without realizing it.

Beginning of another season.

I place the bike back on the porch and go inside to cool down and peel the spandex loaded diaper off.

Again checking messages of the world, another bottle of water and a cool down.

Looking around I see the projects marked on the to-do list with the header JUNE.

The news has become boring. Television has become boring. Only classical music, though are the only sounds I tolerate for very long. Then the radio is turned off.

In the quiet the realization of one of my greatest fears takes over my thoughts.

Falling.

I ride a bicycle everywhere, everyday, in traffic, on quiet roads, avoiding children, and animals on two-thin wheels.

The idea of a bicycle is motion and balance. Motion has become easy within a gear structure I’ve found works for me. Normally balance is routine and like breathing, goes unnoticed.

But, sometimes, due to lack of sleep or unfamiliar surrounds, my reactions seem to falter and my balance becomes unsure.

Today I slowed to a stop going down a hill to let a car pass. Facing the steepness of the path ahead it seemed impossible to start pedaling. I sat there for a couple of minutes milling over my next action, I climbed off the bike and walked it down the hill.

It wasn’t total panic but an unsure fear of falling.

At the bottom of the hill, I climbed back on and continued my ride, which included other hills that I had no problem with.

Remembering when I first learn to ride a bicycle, with training wheels on, around the block over and over again, without fear knowing something or someone would catch me or keep me upright.

Then the training wheels came off and it was all up to me.

Riding a bike was probably my first confidence builder, but I wondered was it failing.

Tomorrow the hill will still be there and this realization of frailties could change my daily path, but I will continue to face my demons.

When we are pushed to the edge, only then can we decide how to break our fall.