Did I say that?

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During that sleepy time just as you are going to sleep, rewinding the events of the day so your brain can sort them out in your dreams, you remember a phrase or word you said in a conversation and think, “Did I say that?”

It may be from a casual comment or a pointed question, but it may disturb you enough to wake you up.

Was that other person phishing for information? Did I give out any secrets? Should I have said that or should I have just shut up? Should I have taken a different route?

I’ve found through the years that I just say whatever comes to mind. Let me rephrase that. I say whatever rolls out of my mouth. Sometimes I don’t think about it or what the reaction could be, I just say it. My mind doesn’t use that filter that, like a spell check, to review the speech. It doesn’t check the proper format or even correct structure; words just spill out into some mishmash or words. Perhaps the other person will understand or be in a similar thought pattern to be able to assemble the mess and put it together into a thought process.

But then you wonder, what happens if their construction of thought and the meaning of the blabber equal one another? If the other person hears the words in a different context due to other influence, the words could have totally different meanings.

In today’s politically correctness, ever sentence spoken is like talking to your boss. Before the mouth is opened, the thoughts are put through the filters trying to see if the assembly of words will match what the other person wants or needs to hear. Of course, this takes out the spontaneity friends should have in casual conversation. It also brings out a dictionary of words you would have ordinarily used at home.

Being a shy person I find I can spout the most obnoxious or outrageous things, especially fueled by alcohol, but when the words really matter I get quiet. The words rattle around in my brain and perhaps I will show some body language as a smile or a worried look, but I say nothing. Later I think, “Why didn’t I say anything?” or worst, “Why didn’t I say…?”

It is probably safer for me to talk to inanimate objects or creatures that do not understand the language. Then when I go to sleep I can worry about where I put my glasses in that hotel hallway or how to get the Fredericksburg paper to print two classified ads. Good thing Mardi Gras is over.