Latest Technology Upgrade Update

Today is the day. Today I’m going to do it. I’m going to Scan & Bag & Go!!

The decision was made but it wouldn’t be that easy.

It started with the ride to the Tummy Temple. I’d changed my ponies’ saddlebags and the ride would feel different. I was on the big pony, sitting higher with hands closer and the muscles and joints work differently. Plus the light Sunday traffic was just weird. Two white SUV stop in the middle of the street to talk to each other. Autos driving backwards or double parking so I take my time.

Lock up remembering to use the ‘other’ key and walk in. The motherly white-haired woman in the redshirt is busy with another so I just move around and pick up my blueberries. I wheel over to the deli section but there seems to be a long conversation going on by staff restocking and blocking the way so I weave back to the front door and announce, “I’m ready to try it!”

“Do you have your Kroger card?” she ask knowing I always have my Kroger card and always have it scanned even though my elderly discounts has gone away. The first step is to scan the barcode on the back of the card (just like they do when you walk through the rolling belt line).

BOFFCOO!! It didn’t read the barcode?

“Type in your phone number” she asked. Punching all the buttons and…

BOFFCOO!! It didn’t read my phone number?

“You have to go to the Customer Service desk to get a new card” she said with her usual smile.

So I wheel over to the Customer Service desk and wait for some women to get her money order or some such transaction of money with much confusion. As she left with a blessing, I moved up and told Michelle “My card doesn’t seem to work with your new ‘Scan&Bag&Go’ scanners. In her usual non-committal style she took my card and scanned it and said, “It works fine.”

So back to my original display but the white-haired woman is talking to some staff or IT or some official person is instructing her so I wait. There is another person also waiting. After a few minutes of small talk with this other woman as she scanned her phone, our instructor comes back and selects the woman for I’m a troublemaker.

Just then this gorgeous blonde walks up and ask if I need assistance. I pick up my jaw and explain to her my befuddlement. She scanned my card and it again did not work but this time her holding that remote control was the sexiest item I’d ever seen. Kyle (her name tag read) was like those girls who point out cars or turn letters, yet she was smart enough to realize that I was a ‘ghost’.

She led me back to Michelle (I would have followed her to the gates of hell) and had her check my account. Sure enough I had a piece of plastic but no connection to me as a person. Name, address, phone number, zip code, e-mail and BOFFCOO! I was now in the Tummy Temple database. I wonder now how I got old age discounts before without them having my data? Did I just look so old they felt sorry for me? Was I just shopping on the day that they bused in the walker brigade? I have been mistaken as Santa Clause and Jerry Garcia so the white hair must give me away.

So with Kyle assistance (I think I was drooling by now) she held the scanner in her alabaster hands and the lights brightened and the angles sang as the doves were release to fly around and poop on the produce. Her smile that would melt most hearts had sucked me into my grocery store knowing more about me than I may wish, but she promised me blueberry discounts and I’d believe whatever words came out of those pouty lips.

I had to leave her to her duty (or I’d wet my pants) and wandered back into my daily route through the aisles pushing my zip cart with my new remote control. I wonder if I can get channel 13 on this thing? What happens if the battery wears out before all the items are scanned? Whatever I got a new bag.

My first items were two cans of soup. Soup comes in a curved can. I picked up the can and held the scanner and pressed the “SCAN” button and got a ‘Sorry, this scan did not take’ or to that affect. Maybe my hand was shaking? Maybe the laser was too close? Maybe it can’t scan around a curve? Little more tries with a rejection notice and then logic pointed out I could scan that little label on the shelf. BINGO!

While this new system for the customer to do more work makes me wonder this ‘honor system’ required for all the items were correctly scanned? Who would check that you picked up and bagged three items and only scanned one? How would they know if you picked up a $30 bottle of wine and scanned a $6.50 barcode? Will the Tummy Temple security squad tackle you in the parking lot as you are trying to get away with stolen goods?

I finish my path around the room of the newly painted wall and the still construct floor in the back by the milk; I ventured into the NEW checkout machines.

“Wesley get me out of here” I said to one of my familiar Tummy Temple Team carrying my scanner full of stuff that I’d bagged myself. Since we had frequent conversations he pointed the scanner at the bottom of the display screen and pressed, “SCAN”. “Give it a minute to display,” he instructed and then sure enough all the stuff I’d scanned appeared on the screen. Then it was push button on the screen, put in the debit card through the regular payment method, and waits for the paper printout. He came back and showed me the “CARD” button to finish the processing.

Maybe now that the Tummy Temple has my location, name, telephone and e-mail they can find out that I’m older than dirt so I can scan a couple of six-packs without another person verifying I’m ancient? Luckily Wesley had that special code to get me home restocked.

“How did it go Cliff?” I heard behind me. “We now know your name.”

It was the blonde goddess Kyle in the mix of this insanity of training the congregation of what the future holds.

Somehow I got home without a collision with my neighbor packing up his kayak parked in the alley and changed into my yard clothing. Watching the French win the World’s Cup and settling back into a routine of a hot summer day, I accomplished the new technology of procuring nourishment.

Tomorrow I’ll be back to try again. Repetition increases familiarity to a new process.

Maybe Kyle will be there?