L2

Ah yes, the last game of the year and it’s a biggie. I say that before it starts so I could be wrong. The hype is all about…. What it is always about: The commercials.

Well, I don’t know how it happened but I got the TV to work. Plate full of Philly steak and green peppers and onions and chips and enough cold drinks to get at least to the beginning of the game sit next to me. The pre-game show has started and the stars that wanted to go to the game for a song are entertaining a crowd not outside.

It is chilly and rainy here but in Minny it is really cold. Not a follower of the underdog Igglets or the dynasty Pattycakes. The neighbor is having a party (as usual) but the kids are inside this year. He has a smoker going in the rain next to his car. If a rocket takes off I’ll know what it was.

Two hours of more talking heads and I’m already bored. This is the first time I’ve watched any TV for two weeks and there has been an explosion yet (inside or outside). I wonder if anyone is checking the pressure of the football? I wonder if Justin Timberlake is going to tear off any clothing? I wonder who would win the Puppy Bowl if one team were mastiffs and the other dachshunds?

Note to self: No More Chili AND No More Philly Cheezesteaks. Hope I can stay awake. I’m already tired of the Winter Olympics too.

The boys are in their costumes warming up. Turn off the commercials and bring on the cheerleaders. Where are the cheerleaders? Do they still have cheerleaders?

Come on and get this thing started. Blonde chicky country singer rapping on platform shoes and no dancers starts the show. Two talking guys with dull ties and dark suits. More repetitive commercials than I remember last year. Wonder why we need to know where the players went to school? Do they do that in high school? Where did you go to elementary school? Where are the cheerleaders? Oh, there they are smiling and shaking bootie. Jump up and down baby but don’t catch your pom-poms on fire.

There sure is a lot of foreplay in this game. Now the pre-kickoff show will start before the pre-bring out the flag show and the pre-singing the national anthem and the pre-2017 Walter Payton award and the pre-America the beautiful singing to the pre-…er, that might be all the pre-shows? Wonder why they don’t have a religious invocation like they do in NASCAR? The planes fly over an enclosed stadium. Is there a blimp-a-tron?

WWII marine Medal of Honor vet will toss the ruble. New England wins the toss. How did Russia get in here?

Igglets move down the field but settle for a field goal. The robots laugh and what is it about the Turkish airways?  3-0

Tommy and the Pattycakes work the left side where the Igglets had worked the right side and settle for a field goal. 3-3

The Igglets come back and get a touchdown, but miss the extra point. 9-3

The Pattycakes bobbled and then misses the field goal. 9-3

Igglets, 3 and out as a possible change?

So the Pattycakes have a player down and a injury break. Trick play and didn’t work. A 4^th down play that didn’t work so the Igglets take over.

So the Igglets come back and run a touchdown and decide to go for two but it doesn’t work. 15-3

The Pattycakes are back with a big running play but have to settle for a field goal. 15-6

Now the Igglets take the ball but gets a take-away by the Pattycakes.

The Pattycakes get a break by holding on the defense and keeps moving. Seems to be running more and the passes aren’t getting through but a long pass play and a run with bad tackling and a touchdown, but the extra point is no good. 15-12

After getting a beer and the digital antenna turned off, a few minutes pushing buttons and the Igglets use the same trick play but it works and they get the field goal. 22-12

HALFTIME!

If you don’t think branding works, look at the name of any stadium or half-time show. Sorry, JT but I’ll not be buying any of your music. Fake marching bands are worse than lip-sync. A lot of ‘inspirational’ commercials this year but I don’t understand all the laundry commercials?

The Pattycakes start off with a throw and Tommy misses but now he has found Gronk. And a pass to Gronk for a TD from TB and they get this field goal. 22-19

The Igglets are back but their receivers are spinning and making extra yards. NE has another injury and Philly has a limper. Then a long throw and a TD for PP. 29-19

Pattycakes takes over and gets another touchdown. 29-26

Igglets turn but then it’s the end of the quarter. Steven Tyler wants to drive backwards to recapture time travel. Yikes! Joel Bieber in an ugly, ugly jacket before a field goal. 32-26

Run, run, run Pattycakes and then a total open receiver and then a pitch to Gronk for the lead. 32-33

What can the Igglets do? They make a long miss pass and then call a time out. 4^th and one and they get the first down. Call another time out for time is running out. Now the Pattycakes take a time out. Another review that you just can’t figure out. That is why they have the Third Team in the striped shirts. It is a touchdown!! Then go for ‘2 points’ and it is incomplete. 38-33

Back to the Pattycakes to see what Tommy can come up with? He needs another ring. Sack and lost of the ball to the Igglets.

Keep it on the ground and the last Pattycakes time-out. Third down and 5 yard and less than 2 minutes. The field goal is good with 65 seconds left. 41-33

First down, no good pass happens. Second down, no good pass happens. Third down, no good pass happens and almost sack. Forth down for the game and a throw for a first down is complete. 78 yards to go with 26 seconds to go so Tommy throws and another catch and a run out of bounds to stop the clock. Four seconds and another missed pass. Hail Mary and time runs out.

Last play win (by the Igglets and not the Pattycakes) and a Gatorade bath and a rain of shredded paper.

Well played game and exciting but no more Philly cheezesteaks for me. The sad part, other than Tommy not getting another bit of bling, is the commercials were bland and I don’t want to go to Disneyland.

So now the Igglets will get some hats and t-shirts and touch the phallic symbol (I hope no one is sick after all those sweaty guys kiss that thing) and they get a parade.

Mark it off until next year and will read about everyone’s thoughts and analysis and replays and maybe it will get us to forget the memo.