Friday, June 7, 2013

News of the World


I’m a news-a-holic. I check the local and national news 2-3-4-5-maybe more times a day. Sometimes I see or read about things on Facebook hours before the “news” is broadcast.
I don’t read or listen to many opinion pieces but note what the headlines say. Actually I scan headlines for most of my daily information. A few journalist reports I will delve into but if well written, I get the gist from the headline.
So this week, I’m going to list all the stories that make the news.
·      Now that Bachmann is gone can the GOP gets more women?
·      Wiki spy goes to trial.
·      “Game of Thrones” has shocking episode but I don’t watch it.
·      China chicken slaughterhouse kills over 100 people in fire.
·      Tornadoes hit Oklahoma, again, and again.
·      Should you fly or drive during a hurricane?
·      Doggie says “Goodbye”
·      Some old politician dies.
·      What do women really want in bed?
·      Bring your guns to the parks.
·      The biggest and best places you could never afford to vacation.
·      People are being shot in NYC and in Syria.
·      The government tax office spends a lot on parties.
·      Local pastor goes to jail.
·      Man shot on Southside.
·      School board screwed up, again.
·      Governor candidates get nasty.
·      Woman who put her baby in the trash goes to jail.
On Tuesday…
·      Person in ski mask robs 2 near VCU @ 1am.
·      Prez. brings out 3 judges.
·      Guy from Taco Bell and Mike Douglas get in trouble for licking.
·      Something happened on “Game of Thrones” but I don’t watch it
·      Some person I don’t know looks hot in a dress.
·      Glazed doughnut and bacon sandwich?
·      The Heat are hot.
·      100,000 places to retire if you got a gazillion dollars.
·      Deacon gets sacked at 74.
·      WWIII may have begun.
·      The Queen celebrates my 4th birthday when she got crowned.
·      California is burning up, Oklahoma is blowing away and Germany is sinking.
·      Guys who drive into a tornado get wrecked.
Wednesday brings….
·      Building falls in Philly.
·      Singer for heavy metal band gets off a murder charge from throwing a guy off the stage in Czech.
·      Old Richmond Police Chief who was a pain in the… dies.
·      First lady gets in the face of a protestor and says, “I’m not very good at this.”
·      Apple and Samsung and the president must have been listening to “This American Life” last week.
·      Soldier pleads guilty for shooting people, another soldier pleads not guilty for shooting people, and another guy pleads insanity for shooting people in a theatre.
·      DNA will be taken with mug shoots and fingerprints.
·      Mike Jackson’s daughter taken to the hospital.
Then on Thursday…
·      My pension company is combining its debt?
·      Snooping DC is holding the phone, but these guys know how to party.
·      Too many gypsy moths in the commonwealth
·      Jefferson Airplane drummer dies in car crash.
·      Rain is coming.
·      Governor tries to figure what is wife is doing.
·      Extras are needed for “Killing Kennedy” movie in town.
·      Cadets on hold to go to school in the county.
·      Reach out pastor caught with his pants down.
·      Beauty queen gets back at ex-boyfriend.
·      Longest German word becomes extinct.
·      Nothing says Kardashion sister love like a strap-on penis.
·      Martha Stewart talks about dating on-line and no one is listening.
·      My new Powerball girlfriend won’t return my calls.
·      You can get PDST from killing people in video games, I mean in drones.
·      Is Disneyland too expensive?
·      Hollywood mermaid dies at 91.
Friday ends the week with…
·      It is RAINING.
·      Man dies after getting hit by train (well duh).
·      Toots returns to hear bottle thrower.
·      Prince goes into hospital because everyone else is.
·      More jobs for the class of 2013.
·      Beiber wants to go into outer space.
·      It is doughnut day.
·      Deadbeat dad of 22 kids says, “You can’t knock a man for loving women.”
It happens every week. Lots of stuff is reported. Some have journalistic value and in depth reporting and others are just fluff we like to read.
So next week there will be another list and after that another, but they will all soon be forgotten. 

Oh! I forgot the big news of the week was Superman lost his underpants!

1 comment:

TripleG said...

Even all that stuff I missed gives me a headache. TMI, isn't it?