Monday, January 25, 2016

Snow Daze

After you make the snow angle and build a snow man and shovel off the walkway and dig out the car and eat a snow cone and change your clothes six times and track water all over the house and the kids are bored with the video games and the schools are closed and you are running out of milk and you’ve eaten too much and start opening the wine at noon because it is five o’clock somewhere and the dog has to pee and….
Well that is snow daze.
Cabin fever can make people crazy. Our normal run-around lives are marooned to a single location with people we occasionally see. We have to set priorities.
The first priority is getting out of bed. When you know you don’t have to go to work or even go out of the house, waking up and turning over becomes a chore. Unfortunately the dog still has to pee and the kids are already up eating all the cereal they can grab in front of the TV.
The second priority is taking out the dog. If you have a fenced in yard, you can open the door. Maybe the dog will come back inside without you constantly calling and letting in all the cold air. This priority may require getting dressed.
The third priority is finding something to entertain the kids. You can’t just tell them to go outside and play for they will freeze their tookus off or fall in a snowdrift and not be seen again until spring. Should always have a leftover Christmas surprise video game or movie. That will work for awhile until you can make that pot of coffee for you are not quite over that wine that you opened too early and come up with a backup plan.  If the kids are old enough they are already texting their friends and as long as you can recharge the batteries, you’re set.
The fourth priority is the wife. Sorry honey you really are my number one priority, but this is snow daze. Usually a nice soft chair, a warm blanket, a roaring fire and a good book will suffice. A kiss on the head and a warm cup of java to be quickly replaced with wine and she should be good for the day.
The fifth priority? Make several cups of coffee before deciding the next priority for it may be decisive to the success of sanity for the day. Don’t make this decision in haste for you will probably be wrong. You could check your emails from your girlfriends but that would be ignoring the family. As we all know, when we are isolated with our family, it is a family day. You could get dressed and shave but what for? You ain’t going nowhere. You could be the man of the house and go check the furnace but you’ll probably break something and then you will be in a mess. So you turn to the Internet.
Now not all families will follow these examples but going to the Internet will be in the top five choices to avoid boredom on a snow day. Your kids are already on sites you’ve never heard of or could figure out so still with the basics.
Email is one to catch up with an ongoing letter with other family members who are not stuck in your immediate location and get on your favorite social media sites to see videos and photos and silly political comments. Both can start conversations with your spouse and make the effort to communicate without constant interruptions and questions.
“Oh look, here is a photo of the Cuthin’s new baby in the snow suit. Isn’t that cute?” or “Come see the snow angle little Tommy and Sally made for Uncle Benny and Aunt Jane. Ewww, is that yellow snow they are eating?” or “Look at this video of the Seamon’s kid up the block sledding down the hill and running into the side of our car.” Oh what fun and entertainment can be shared and enjoyed by the whole family. Well, not the kids, they are doing their own thing. And be careful if you open that link your friend Bennie from accounting sent you. Your wife might not appreciate your goggling over hootchie coochie scantly clad young girls?
Which brings me to another point. When we get bored like this, we tend to read anything. The Internet is full of stuff to read and on a snow daze we tend to read this stuff.
First of all the news sites, trying to keep your attention on a day where nothing is happening because everything is closed down, will present faux news and silliness just to fill the space. What Kim Kardashian is wearing to the supermarket must be big news? Show some unpleasing photos of young movie stars who let themselves go after being famous and forgotten. Describe the slander and misconceptions thrown about to and from everyone.
What caught my eye today, being one of those miserable sad individuals who has nothing better to do than surf this nonsense, was an article about the drummer of the former band “The Doors” discussing his opinion on the politics of the day. What? What does the opinion of a 60’s band member have to do with anything? Why should I care what he thinks? Why would his opinion even be worthy of reading? Do we ask Keith Richards whom he is going to vote for? Do we ask what was Leadbelly’s political affiliation? Would knowing whether Justin Bieber is a democrat or a republican sway our political persuasions? Are we so impressionistic?
Then I scrolled down to another ‘story’ with a video asking the late David Bowie if he believed in God. What? There is a video so I guess it really happened that an interviewer could keep the subject to the relevance of his music and not dig into his private life. Should we put that question on a job application? Look what happened with John Lennon’s misinterpreted comment.
Does any of this fluff make us any wiser or fill the voids at cocktail parties? Has journalism gotten so wanton for eyes that they will report any silliness or foolishness to pass on as ‘news’? Are we so gullible to waste our time on this nonsense?
Sure we are. It is a snow daze, but fear not. Your dog will eat something after tearing up the pillows on the couch and barf all over your new rugs and you will use ‘that word’ when you try to clean it up and your kids will repeat ‘that word’ over and over again while they are trying to figure out how to clog up the toilet and your wife is reminding you that her glass is empty and you find the roof is leaking.

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