Sunday, March 24, 2013

How to make a friend

What is a friend?
 A description of a friend might include an alter ego, an amigo, a buddy, a chum, a compadre, a comrade, a confidant, a crony, a familiar, an intimate, a mate, a musketeer, or a pal
Or perhaps an acquaintance, an associate, a cohort, a colleague, a companion, a fellow, a hearty, a hobnobber, a partner, a peer, a sport; a brother, a main man, an accomplice, a ally, a collaborator, a confederate; a pen pal, a benefactor, a supporter, a sympathizer, or a well-wisher.
Friends can also be an adversary, an antagonist, a competitor, an opponent, a rival and even a nemesis.
So how do you make one of these “friends”?
Your first friends are family. The immediate family of mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters has to be your friends because you live with them. You eat and sleep and bath and spend quality time with them. The extended family of aunts and uncles and cousins become our next friends. We are all friends because we all have the same last name. We are buddies for life?
Our next association with others is school. Thrown in a classroom with 20 to 30 strangers, we form a bond of being together before an adult teacher. Quickly we find common grounds and form associations. Away from our family protection we depend on each other for survival. Being very young, these friendships are fleeting.
Next come the groupings of church, choirs, scouts, teams, and clubs. With parental guidance we are again thrown into a group of strangers to learn social activities. This is the first training outside of the family to follow the perceived values engrained in our particular cultural grouping. We learn to dress alike. We learn to sing alike. We learn to follow orders. We learn camaraderie. We learn how to tie knots.
By the time teen years come around we are experienced enough and maybe smart enough to start making our own decision on those we want to be associated with. We can now decide who will be our friends. Here associates bond over parties, girlfriends, dances, and growing up.
When college takes place former friends separate to different locations. Much of friendship is the close proximity of each other until time changes daily communication.
Some friendships continue through the ages and some fade away. Some can be reunited through technology and some will never happen again. Some are remembered and some are gone.
So how do you make a friend? Here are some hints some say work to make a friend.
1. Follow your intuition. At any time or any place when you walk into a room you cannot help but scan the room. A face or stance or a look might attract your attention. Follow your intuition to introduce yourself to the person who has interested you. It may be only a physical attraction but it may turn into a friendship.
2. Engage your passion. Paint or play music or run or go to the gym and sooner or later your will find someone who also engages in the same passion. That may create a friendship.
3. Buy a puppy. If you really want to meet someone, get a puppy. I don’t recommend buying a puppy with all the shelter alternatives, but a puppy, unlike a cat, will bring the others to your door. Guaranteed. Pups are chick magnets. Dogs are a mans best friend, but when you are shouting at the television over a field goal, your dog will just look at your and smile.
4. Start a hobby. Hobbies are those fun things we like to do but you can also find a friend. Whether it is art or dancing or whatever turns you on, there is a group out there who also enjoy theses things. Taking a painting class or cooking class or go to the gym and you will meet others who enjoy the same things. It may be the passion or just a class; you share the attempt and may form a friendship.
5. Widen your age-range view. Sounds easy but then again a younger or perhaps older friend could be easy to get along with. As we age, age does not make as much difference as it did in our youth. Besides, a different focus on certain subjects may for an interesting friendship.
6. Build a community garden. Really? Well if you open up a plot of land and dig it up and put some greens in and water it and trim it and guess what. Other people will appreciate your effort and ask if they too can participate. Digging in the dirt is a great way to make a friend, whether it is human or animal.
7. Reconnect with people from your past. We all lose touch with old friends. They get married and focus on their families. They move away. They change their values or interest that once was. Yet the old bonds are still there. For whatever reasons, the reconnect can take place. We can be friends again.
8. If adventurous, use the Internet. There are lots of sites out there that can connect you with all kinds of “friends” who can be real or not real. Post some profiles and upload some pictures and hope for the best. Are you that desperate to make friends?
So to make a friend is just to be you and meet others in an un-stressful location and just see if there are any connections. If after a while you want to spend more time with this person, a friendship is starting.
A friend, a true friend, is someone you can sit quietly with in comfort. You do not need to entertain a friend or expect anything from a friend. A friend is like an old comfortable shoe. A friend has gone through enough experiences with you to offer assistance when needed and give advice when asked. A friend will laugh at your jokes and listen to your miseries. A friend will keep your secrets and won’t judge your actions.
Then there is that boyfriend/girlfriend thing. When a friend gets an emotional connection all values of friendship changes.

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