Sunday, February 7, 2016

The Circus Comes To The Tummy Temple

So it is that special day. Sunday? Oh yeah it is that and so much more. At least that is what I hear.
It is the last BIG game and the end of a seemingly short season so it is a football extravaganza day. Today we get to find out more facts about a few folks that we don’t even know about our friends. Does that right tackle color his hair? What kind of shoelaces does the kicker wear?
In the best attempt to follow the sport’s theme, I’ll do a daily report of the total boredom of this spectacular day.
The morning was like every other morning. Nothing was going to happen until the whistle blew. Too early to suit up but a few stretches and yawns and settle into reading the daily notes while hydrating with hot brown liquid. A few game changes overnight and a couple of comments to the coaches before another horizontal stretch.
Once the sun (or today, lack of the sun) came up it was time to move. It is game day and no more lollygagging around. It is ‘L’ day.
Upon the field locking up the locker room the rest of the team is starting their warm ups. With full knowledge that the buffet was not complete, there was need for a 5-mile run before the game.
The air is brisk with still dampness in the air. The wind is coming in from the north. Guys are walking many, many dogs. Wonder where all the cheerleaders are? The traffic is lite as the deep breathing and the leg pumps and the chill in the air confirms the game is on.
Goal! I arrive at the destination #1. It is still pre-game time but seems the teams are hungry. And the teams are very, very thirsty. I don’t see any of the referees but I think that couple is using illegal use of hands. Oops, there is a fumble in the bread aisle. Offside penalty in the pasta aisle. There was encroachment in the long lines and a few false starts from impatient passengers and a pass interference from the cute friendly girl in front of me by that big ring.
Now the bus was loaded as more and more and more participants to the circus entered the ring. Then was when I had to make my next play. As the clowns circled the Tummy Temple, I await my spot to break through and get to the next first down. I move out and then the whistle blows.
A cheerleader stops me cold. Maybe she was an umpire and I was making illegal motions. I stopped in my tracks and avoided the tackles to go back and receive the call. I may have lost a down but the game was not over.
It was a good call so I lined up in a different position and made it off the field without an interference call. Hut, hut, hut, go straight, avoid the potholes, cut left and then cut right and then cut left and go long. Cut right and then cut left and free space to the last cut right. Time out and take a breath. Hut, hut, hut and the light is green to go. Let the front line make a way and cut down to the goal line. Score! As they say in the other football game.
Huddle up with the team and open the buffet. Rehydrate and watch the moves of players who could run circles around those guys on the green striped lawn. Hand offs, swooping in catches, sudden turns and jives and tackles with recoveries and no fumbles.
Put on the uniform, turn on the electronics and the day is ready for the BIG ‘L’.
So what is it? Fun vs the last dance? Enough of all that silliness, it is time for the zebras to get on the field. No wait… there is all that pre-game pomp and circumstance.
Here is a list of most valuable old men who were what they were when they were. Wonder why OJ wasn’t there? I’m already snoozing. Oops! Then we go nose blind.
Ahhhhh the screaming children are going wild but they are just wearing themselves out for the introductions. Tomorrow will be raining and the parents will have to deal with the screams.
The kitty cats are on the field and there go the horses and girls wearing chaps. Let’s hear the blab-blab from the coaches like they are going to tell some secrets. Why don’t they interview the girls wearing chaps?
Oh gosh we are going to Honor America? I don’t normally watch this network so I’m adapting to their presentation. Bring out the hankies for “America” by a bunch of people our country hire to kill other people. Mountains and waters and soldiers at attention with a deaf signing and teams wait on the sidelines. Look at all the state flags. Out comes the big flag and Lady Ga-Ga to sing the national anthem. Really? Peyton has his hand on his heart and Cam in his own world and then the jets.
Anyone got a quarter? Horses go first by default and first play is good. The old man starts throwing. Interesting coach without one of those laminated highlighted charts. So the horses kick three and now time for commercials.
Work out and then drink beer. Isn’t that counter productive. Now the confusing stuff or greats and aliens eating avocados.
Back to the blab-blab-blab and we will see what the other side does. Oh I forgot the guy I don’t like gets hosted up on a piano.
Yikes! Too high of a pass from Camaramadingdong. Nope, couldn’t get 10. High kick, some mouth-chatter and back to commercials.
Hummm, looks like it might just be a defensive game.
Uh oh, the first challenge comes up bad to the talking heads. The game plays on. Mo’ uh oh and fumble for a touchdown. Yep, this might be a defensive game. 10 – 0.
Back and forth and back and forth and no run game. Yep, more blitz. Now let’s see what happens?
Change sides and shave your face and ride a car and buy a house on a phone. Camarama takes off and then gets the right side all excited and they take off….too early. Is this going to be a quarterback run off?
Oops! Grab my face and lose the space and lose 6 points. 7 – 10.
Oops again, now beer America and skittles. Yet I digress for a kick into the end zone.
A fumble or a not fumble or a new telephone or some turtles or a bunch of hot guys to stop a car?
Back and forth and back and forth and nobody likes their shoes and a trick play that loses it’s magic.
Oops! The ponies missed the fair, but it was not fair, catch and off he goes. So kick and 7 – 13.
Oops! Missed the pass. Uh oh more penalties on the horses, but the next play they get it back. Enjoy a soda, made in America and a burp until half time show time and blitz and glitz.
Oops! A good run from the horses and the children are still happy to play in the dark.
Oops! There is an interception but just no running game.  Remake movies, stealing cars and back to the game. Too many almost catches so it seems defense is winning the day. And that is that in the half.
The kids are still playing and so the toilets will flush.
Energy? Nice one. Banking? Not so much. And the kids are screaming.
Half time reviews: Both quarterbacks are struggling.
OK whirly stage and where did all the violins go? What is that marching band doing here? Hey that guy is play a Tele like a guy I know has one. Hopping flowers. Is this a selfie show? Uh oh, it just changed from color to black hip-hop. Break it down. Don’t believe it just watch. Ohhhh, now we get them sazy chicks in black leather with fireworks behind them. Humm? Arrow to an X.  Just saying. Now a duo play and then the white boy shows up. A remember when moment. There are those violin girls singing getting it together. Humm? Haven’t we heard this before? Shoot off more fireworks and everyone is yelling. Now have a drink of a sugar cola following sexy credits.
Inspirational commercials, with nice graphics persuade you to purchase cars. More promotional commercials for the network and the kids don’t get quiet.
Second half and looks like it aren’t going to happen. Oops! Sorry I missed that 45-yard catch. Nope not a running game night.
Oops! Hits the upright. Not a good sign. The ponies must be paying attention to all the doggies buying chips? How do you sell a crappy car? Sell free tax? Then bring in video India games. More special effects and I’m yawning.
Omaha and the ponies are moving but they get stopped for a kick but that one is good. 7-16.
Coldplay are sitting backstage right now celebrating they nailed it.
More violent fantasies like some distorted video game for selling a candy bar or some such nonsense.
Woooo! A long pass but then a run all over the place to try to find a place. Oops! Another throws through to a fumble. Cammy cammy cammy.
Pandas selling websites and Harry selling ketchup, then another 3 down and out.
Gads. Now sheep are singing ‘Queen’ and we are paying attention. Oh yeah, there is another beer commercial and that’s why.
Delay of game? Really? D-fence seems to be working.
Kids and choirs and more local promotions and selling videos and insurance and plumbers are what I’m watching.
The ponies have a good pass but bad actions of frustrations moves the ball forward until he get’s sacked.
Over turn? We will see as we have to watch more close-ups of  graphic shots with an unforgettable soundtrack. Gads we are back to shaving and more self-promotions.
Don’t look good for the kittens. Now an English woman will belittle us for drinking beer. What?
Oh NO! Cam?? What were you doing? Oops! Again the better team will win. Ouch!
Oops! There goes another touchdown. 10-22.
OK add insult to injury and now waiting for the confetti for the beer I’ve been drinking.
Good game all an all. Then it is over.

1 comment:

TripleG said...

You must have taken really good notes. If I'd waited for your summary, I could have saved a few hours!