At a mixer
or a wedding reception or a business conference or a funeral wake or even a
family reunion; you meet a stranger.
Other than
their hairstyle, smell, body tattoos and piercing, clothing and demeanor; this
person is new to you.
A handshake is a short ritual in which
two people grasp one of each other’s like hands, in most cases accompanied by a
brief up-and-down movement of the grasped hands.
Using the
right hand is generally considered proper etiquette. Customs surrounding
handshakes are specific to cultures. Different cultures may be more or less
likely to shake hands, or there may be different customs about how or when to
shake hands.
Dap is a friendly gesture of greeting,
agreement, or solidarity between two people that has become popular in western
cultures, particularly since the 1970s, originating from African American
communities. Giving dap typically involves handshaking (often, by hooking
thumbs), pound hugging, fist pounding, or chest- or fist bumping. The practice
and term originated among black soldiers during the Vietnam War, as part of the
Black Power movement, and the term is attested since 1971. Black soldiers of
the Americal Division in the Vietnam War engaged in dap and used the term as
early as 1969.
Giving dap
can refer to presenting many kinds of positive nonverbal communication between
two people, ranging from a brief moment of simple bodily contact to a
complicated routine of hand slaps, shakes, snaps, etc. known only by the two
participants. Elaborate examples of dap are observed as a pregame ritual
performed by many teams in the National Basketball Association. These
choreographed actions are rarely televised and serve as a superstitious means
of psychological preparation and team solidarity.
A fist bump is a gesture similar in
meaning to a handshake or high five. A fist bump can also be a symbol of giving
respect or approval. It can be followed by various other hand and body gestures
and may be part of a dap greeting. It is commonly used in baseball and hockey
as a form of celebration with teammates, and with opposition players at the end
of a game. In cricket it is a common celebratory gesture between batting
partners.
Namaste is a respectful form of
greeting in Hindu custom, found on the Indian subcontinent mainly in India and
Nepal and the Indian Diaspora. It is used both for salutation and valediction.
Namaste is usually spoken with a slight bow and hands pressed together, palms
touching and fingers pointing upwards, thumbs close to the chest. Namaste can
be spoken without the bow; however, the bow is more formal and is considered to
be respectful, especially when directed towards an elder or a person of
importance.
In Hinduism
it means, “I bow to the divine in you”. The greeting may also be spoken without
the gesture or the gesture performed wordlessly, carrying the same meaning.
The left-handed Scout handshake is a formal
way of greeting other Scouts of both genders and is used by members of Scout
and Guide organizations around the world. The handshake is made with the hand
nearest the heart and is offered as a token of friendship. In most situations,
the handshake is made firmly, without interlocking fingers, and many organizations
only use this handshake when both people are in uniform. There are some
variations of the handshake between national Scouting organizations and also
within some program sections.
All World
Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts members share the left handshake,
and when meeting other Girl Guides and Girl Scouts, it may be used in
conjunction with the Scout sign done with the right hand.
A secret handshake is a distinct form of
handshake or greeting which conveys membership in or loyalty to a club, clique
or subculture. The typical secret handshake involves placing one’s fingers or
thumbs in a particular position, one that will be recognized by fellow members
while seeming to be a normal handshake to non-members. This is most frequently
associated in the popular consciousness with college fraternities, fraternal
orders and secret societies.
A secret
handshake can also be a useful form of familiar interaction between friends,
colleagues, and family members. As a form of cryptography, secret handshakes
are shared only with select and elect peoples. Usually a secret handshake has
underlying meanings that differ from person to person. Secret handshakes
involve a precise, sometimes complex series of movements and contact between
two individuals or even a group. Usually, these movements involve the primary
use of hands, but could also involve a series of touching feet, elbows, or in
some cultures a friendly kiss.
The person
in a higher position of authority or age
should be the first one to extend a hand. When meeting future in-laws, the
father-in-law should start the handshake.
If you make
a mistake and initiate it, don’t withdraw your hand because
that would be rude. Always follow through with a handshake. Smile and continue
with the introduction. Don’t apologize.
If you are
sitting, rise before extending your hand. This shows respect and puts you on
the same level as the other person. Make eye contact and offer a sincere smile
to show that you are happy to be where you are.
Be still and
face the other person to prevent giving the impression that you are in a hurry
to get away. If you are walking, try to stop, turn, and face the other person,
unless it creates an awkward situation.
Offer a
friendly greeting as you shake hands. If your palms are damp, you can delay
extending your hand if you introduce yourself while blotting your palm on the
side of your slacks or skirt. Your greeting should include his or her name and
a pleasantry, such as, “It’s so nice to meet you, Ms.
Jones.”
If you have more nice things to say, include them at this time, but don’t
go overboard.
“Howdy there
partner” with a thrust of a hand and a hearty welcome followed by a bear hug
might not be the best ice breaker or saying “Shake” which requires the other
person to stand rigid with hands straight down and jumping up and down as if
someone has put an ice cube down the back of their shirt.
You don’t
want to offer a limp hand because it gives the impression of weakness. However,
this does not mean you should crush the other person’s hand. Be
firm but not overpowering. If the other person offers a limp hand, give a
gentle squeeze. This can be a cue for him or her to grip more firmly.
Most people
prefer shorter handshakes. Be observant and follow the lead of the other
person, particularly if he or she is in a superior position to you in business
or social position.
If the other
person continues holding onto your hand longer than five seconds, politely
withdraw your hand. Maintain eye contact and a pleasant expression afterward to
maintain a positive interaction.
Most people
use their right hands-unless they have a reason to use the left. Ideally,
your left hand should be visible and unclenched. Don’t have your
left hand in your pocket because this appears defensive. In most business situations,
you shouldn’t use your left hand to touch the other person’s
arm or cup his or her hand. However, in a personal setting, you may.
The
handshake shouldn’t go back and forth or side to side. Don’t
pump the other person’s hand more than three times, or the greeting may
become very uncomfortable.
The homeboy
or black brother’s handshake, fist bump, elbow bump, exploding hand, grab
arm slide, high five, side bootie bump, etc. have all been popular and in
certain situations acceptable.
A slap on
the back during a handshake is becoming accepted as ‘more than a shake but less
than a hug’. Some folks get into this full body hug like you are a child and
must be cuddled, but it does invade a personal space and maybe unwanted or
offensive.
Now if Jack
is with someone else to introduce you to, the ritual starts all over again. If
the new stranger is a female might want to require some different evaluation
and reaction. This person could be a business partner or a romantic spouse or a
sister or offspring.
A quick
handshake could be appropriate, if her hand is offered. To be suave a brisk
touch of a hand raised to your lips may seem charming but beware of the right cross.
Touching or hold a female’s hand for too long can send mixed messages such she
is wearing gloves. A kiss on the cheek will probably get a left cross.
So now you
are getting into introductions?
Where are
you from? Where do you work? What is your title? Are you married? Where do you
live? What kind of car do you have? Got any kids? Is this your wife? Where did
you get that suit? Do you know? What are your hobbies? What is your favorite
drink? What do you read? What is your favorite band? What is your favorite
food? Do you cook? Do you read? Have you ever been married? Have you broken a
heart? Did/do you do any drugs? Have you been to…? What is your favorite movie?
Do you like blondes? What is your favorite team? Where did your family come
from? What political affixation do you belong to? Do you believe in God? How
many times a week does you bathe? Ever been arrested? Is that your real hair?
Can I borrow your lawnmower? Can I take your daughter out? What do you think
about that abortion bill? You got a gun?
The list
goes on and on.
Or you could
just fill out a form and mail it in. All your personal information will be
uploaded to a website: UslessInformation.dump
and can be shared and updated at your leisure, for a fee. Don’t worry about
security. This is already being done without your approval or knowledge.
When people
look up your obituary, the algorithm will sort this data and evaluate your
life.
So what will
it say about you, Jack?
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