I’ve always thought the “important” stuff is never taught in school. Education is about the basic reading, writing, and arithmetic, then you move on to high learning presenting theories and philosophies, but the real life lessons are learned the hard way.
We start off sleeping in a crib. It is our own space but we do not have any control over it. Sometimes we are moved to the bed with our parents or shared with our siblings, and then the time will come when we have our own bed. This is a rite of passage.
Then there is the time of sleepovers when we share our bedroom with our friends. Most of it is staying up pass bedtime and telling stories but it is really about socialization and always separated by gender. Then we grow into puberty.
The bedroom is the second most private room in the house. For a kid, it is a sanctuary from the family, school, church, and the outside world. The walls can be decorated with images of your favorite idols; you can arrange the furniture and even make your interior design statement. It is the room where you study, listen to your music, watch television, read books, write poetry, and contemplate your dreams.
As we pretend to grow up and move out of our family home to new ventures in dorms or apartments, we give ourselves the options to do whatever we want without our parents’ approval. If we want to paint the walls orange, we can; if we want to paste pictures of hoochie-coochie girls all over our walls, we can; if we want to stay up all night, we can and if we want to invite someone over to spend the night?
Now a bed is made for two purposes and one of them is sleeping. Through the years we find preferences in how we sleep. Some may like firm mattresses and some may prefer soft, some like lots of pillows while others are happy with one, some need room to stretch out and some sleep in a knot.
All these positions must be calculated when sleeping together. Some like it hot with lots of covers and others like the window up even in the winter. Some want to snuggle and some need their space. Some toss-and-turn while others remain still.
Then there are those noises that come in the night. When we become unconscious of each other, our body relaxes into a different being out of our control. Strange voices and spastic jerked twitching caused by dreams will certainly awake someone who doesn’t. Drooling and snoring can keep a sleep partner awake and cause irritation.
I have no solutions to this “sleeping together” activity. I only post this to make aware that 1/3 of your life is spent sleeping and if you share that activity you should be prepared.
Many of the variations can be compromised and adjusted for a mutual agreement, but in the morning when you wake up. After a few hours of rest and relaxation you are not the same person. There are the yawns sucking in air and stretches to get the body moving again that are typical to waking up. Then there are the smells of morning that no one wants to share.
So here is “Sleeping Together 101”. Some adjust and survive while others find separate beds or separate rooms or separate hours or separate partners to share rest.