Monday, March 22, 2010

What's Up Doc?


“Hey Bob! How are you?”
He doesn't really want to know how Bob is.

“Hi Tom. OK, I guess. I’ve had some pains in my back.”
Why tell Tom about health problems. Of course, it is one of the three things we discuss with people when we really don't want to share ideas and get into deep meaningful dialogue. Health, weather, family. Don't go to politics or religion.

“Ow! My father had back pains.”
Why does Bob need to know about Tom's father's back problems. Is it association or familiarity?

“Yeah? I have probably been working too hard.”
Ah, the sympathy vote. Poor Bob. Does that also gives sympathy to Tom's father?

“He was very uncomfortable and could hardly walk.”
Nope. Tom's response takes the rug out from that direction. Tom may be on the defensive. Maybe his father didn't work as hard as Bob?

“I didn’t want to go to the doctor, so it will probably loosen up.”
There you go Bob. Change the subject and give yourself a self diagnosis and prescription for relief.
“My dad took Dealdersel. Three pills a day.”
Now Dr. Tom is prescribing a solution for Bob's pain.

Bob acknowledges he has heard of the medicine, or is it some weird name and he wants more information.
“I don’t think it helped him. He died three days later.”
Not a real good endorsement from Tom, but it does end the reference to his father.
“Oh, sorry to hear that.”
Bob's not sorry. He didn't even know Tom's dad. He may have been a child molester. He's just getting out of the conversation.

“Yeah, he was in great agony. Really was suffering. Guess it was all better that he went that way.”
Tom seems to be glad his child molester dad was gone.

“Ah, yeah, I’m going to get another drink, be right back. Can I get you anything?”
Bob's ducking out. This conversation is getting too weird, but he is polite.

“Yeah, I’ll have another double.”
Tom slugs down his drink and waves an empty glass at the departing Bob with a sloppy smile.

“Hey Tom, was that Bob?”
Enter Mary from stage right, patiently waiting for the right instance to interrupt the conversation.

“Hi Mary. Yes, that’s Bob. Gone off to numb his pain.”
What a nice introduction. Is Tom describing Bob in his brief yet pontifical remark.

“He doesn’t look so good, do you think?”
Dr. Mary is now making her diagnosis from a quick physical.

“Probably killing his liver. You know Bob.”
Tom reinforces his serializing thus reinforcing his diagnosis and creating a history.

“Yeah (hee hee). He seems to be walking funny.”
Mary agrees though she does not know Bob that well or any previous problems. It is the appropriate thing to do to agree without knowing, but she changes back to her observations of physical descriptions.

“I think he has disablisous. My dad had that.”
Dr. Tom strikes again with family history to support his impressive statement.

“Wow! That sounds bad.”
Good old Mary. Agreeing again. I bet she gets a lot of dates.
“Yeah, killed him. Oh here comes Bob.”
Tom dissolves his doctor role after realizing he has totally dominated the conversation.

“Hi Mary, how have you been?”
Bob hands Tom his drink that he has paid for and really doesn't care about how Mary is.

“Hi Bob. Haven’t seen you in a long time. You look great.”
Mary lies to his face. If Bob can read body language, he will know and lose more respect for her.

Some time later….
Is she ready for this?

“Hi Mary! Hi Tom!”
She at least remembers their names.

“Have you seen Bob recently?”
Yikes. Dr. Mary gets right to the gossip.

“Bob? No I haven’t seen him in a couple of weeks.”
Sally is not committing to anything until she knows where this conversation is going.

“He’s not doing so good.”
Dr. Tom jumps in.

“I think he killing his liver.”
Dr. Mary concurs.

“That’s a shame.”
Sally limps concern.

“And I think he’s got dedorages. Probably got it from that sleazy Chinese girl he’s been seeing.”
Dr. Tim shows his knowledge of medical terms and his jealousy of Bob's friends.

“Wow? Really??”
Sally perked up as the gossip got juicy.

“He probably has slobiaties also. I hear that is going around with those folks.”
Dr. Mary, not wanting to be left out, adds her medical terminology and bigotry.

“That’s terrible.”
Sally has no idea what they are talking about, and probably doesn't know Bob very well and wonders why they are talking about him.

“Let’s go get a drink and I’ll tell you all about it.”
Dr. Tom, take a look in the mirror.

“OK as long as we don’t wind up like last time.”
Sally gets a lot of dates too.

“Hee hee.”
What does Tom know about Sally? What will happen after some pure speculative gossip lubricated with liquor? Will Tom score the ultimate male fantasy or will they all get sad and go home to empty beds.

And when did we all become doctors?

1 comment:

cj said...

Interesting references.